When my little boy was acting up, I would often ask, “Do you need a time-out or a hug?” I was learning the ropes of parenting as a single mom and I was never really sure how to discipline correctly. Sometimes kids act up because they are hungry or lonely. It’s hard to know what they need unless we really study them. After all, sometimes I act up and I don’t even know what I need!
A time-out please. In the tub.
I might feel anger but maybe I just need a good hard cry.
Or a brisk walk with a girlfriend. Or perhaps a funny movie would do the trick. I don’t know; what do you do when you cannot shake your emotions?
There are times in life when are prone to depression and it’s during those times we may need help finding hope again. We are at our greatest risk when our “love tank” is running on empty.
Gary D Chapman, in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, gives great insight to the various ways we can help each other lift our spirits when we feel down and out or angry and frustrated. It was W.S.Gilbert who said, “It’s love that makes the world go round.” But when the heart is empty of love, the world sure seems to stop, doesn’t it? Chapman teaches that love has various languages:
All humans need love, but we don’t all speak the same language. Personally, I need words of affirmation or I feel empty. (Funny that a writer would like words isn’t it? Often the thing we love to give is the thing we love to receive.) Sometimes I feel rather foolish that I need to hear “atta girl” when the approval is obvious. Other times I feel foolish that I don’t enjoy someone else’s language because it “says” something to me other than “I love you.”
For example, my husband’s love language is Acts of Service. We have been together nearly twenty years, yet I still sometimes misinterpret his expressions of love:
He does something to help me and I hear, “you weren’t doing that good enough.”
instead of hearing his truly generous heart.
I have no doubt my wonderful man loves me, but if I don’t hear it, I don’t feel it.
As a speaker I battle this foolishness as well. I can give a presentation before a group of women whose facial expressions show me that they are affected but if I no one speaks a word of affirmation, I do not feel loved.
Imagine the challenge with writing.
Confidence challenges us to accept another language of love.
We must choose to let the truth rule in our hearts and not our emotions. Understanding the 5 Love Languages is very helpful in overcoming this Confidence Conflict.
Perhaps your love language is Receiving Gifts and this Mother’s Day what you got was coffee in bed or some quality time with your loved ones. If you are not feeling loved because you live in a house of foreign languages, I encourage you to stay confident. Figure out your love language (to take quiz click here: to get the book, click here) and find a way to fill your own love tank so that you have the love to keep pouring into others.
Love is a catch twenty-two.
If you, like me, need words, play some music and let the lyrics speak to your heart. If you need quality time, perhaps you could take that tub-time-out. Or maybe it’s time you gift-girls buy yourself a flower. A mani / pedi could be just the thing to fill the tank of you Acts of Service or Physical Touch gals. Whatever you need today, be confident that you are loved and take care of you so you can better take care of those you love.
Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.
Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com