“She’s so put together; she must be confident, powerful, successful and popular.”
“I am a mess, no wonder no one likes me”
Assumptions wouldn’t be so cruel if it weren’t for the way we tend to compare our own value to what we assume about others. We do this sometimes to our detriment, sometimes to our favor.
“She’s a mess! At least I’m not that bad.”
Comparisons Create Prisons.
Unless we live a life of absolute solitude, there will always be the temptation to compare our value to those around us. This constant competition holds us captive to our own judgments and we become slaves to our own expectations. The craziest part is that the people we compare ourselves to are often caught in the same trap! Comparison causes our perception of others to reflect back to our own self-worth, making our opinion of them all about us. All the while, others are assuming things about us and comparing their own lives to ours. Are we really all that self-absorbed?
If someone compared our kids to the exceptional, or says it’s not worth the effort to help them, then we fight for them to be given a fair chance. No one should judge our kids or give up on them! They may not be perfect but they are VALUABLE to us! Our love overlooks the flaws that others see.
“He ain’t heavy! He’s my brother.” – The Hollies
Albeit, we may hold our children to our own unfair standards, but it’s easier to see how wrong this is when someone else does it. Perhaps the curse of comparison has continued throughout all generations because we are blind to it. If we can’t change our ways for ourselves, let’s at least do our best to help our kid escape the prison walls that have held us. But how do we help them become free to BE and LET BE?
If we really want to get to the root of the problem we need to consider our own truest value–without any comparison. A “comp.” maybe how a realtor figures out the value of a piece of real estate, but does your sister, friend, mother, mentor or foe worth have any relation to yours?
I suppose comparison is a natural way of finding the value of anything–a watch, a car, even groceries!–but comparing our personal value to each other is like comparing two swimmers in their ability to cross the entire Atlantic Ocean. Skilled Olympian, or no ability at all, it really doesn’t matter.
There is no one worthy. Not one.
Our personal value stands alone and unfortunately, except for Amazing Grace, we all fall short. This realization may seem to only add to one’s Confidence Conflict, but let’s go back to the real estate analogy. The value of your home may be assessed by comparing it to the other homes in your neighborhood, but when it is all said and done, the true value is how much it is wanted (loved). The actual value is the price someone pays for it.
Think about that. If someone makes an offer that is too low, you don’t accept it. You wait for someone else to appreciate it and out bid the unfair assessment.
Perhaps you have settled for a low-bid on your personal value, I want to encourage you today that there is an offer on the table that exceeds far beyond the value of even the most skilled Olympian’s home. Will you accept it?
Your worth is far beyond rubies or diamonds. Comparing yourself to anyone else is silly. The God of the universe paid an unfathomable price for you. it really doesn’t matter how skilled, beautiful, powerful, successful or popular you are. You don’t have to swim across the Ocean. He did.
For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. –John 3:16
You aren’t worthless, your His!
If this seems unfathomable to you, I encourage you to try to get your head around it anyway. What if it were true? Wouldn’t this Truth set you free from the trap of comparison?
Or perhaps you, like me, have believed John 3:16 all your life. You know that God loves you but some days it just doesn’t feel true. You know your faults and you see other’s strengths and you simply feel unworthy. Find your strength in what you believe and not what you feel.
Either way, the key to unlocking this prison door is a simply whisper, “God, help me believe; not just in my head, but in my heart.”
Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose passion is empowering women and girls to BE and LET BE. Her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach, as well as her personal experiences with abandonment and grief make her message relatable to anyone dealing with rejection, betrayal or loss.
Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, will soon be available as an audiobook. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com