Are You Confident in your Parenting Style?

There is no other role like that of being a mother. What an honor and privilege it is to mold the life of a child. There are a lot of powerful things we can do as women, but no accomplishment, position, friendship, or success could ever hold a candle to the power of the influence we have  over our kids (whether we gave birth to them or not).

I’m in the transitional years of motherhood, with one child on his own, one child still home and a middle child half-way there as a college student. He just returned home for the summer, which has me keenly aware of the fine line that we must walk between nurturing and nagging.

When our kids are little, the things we did for them were nurturing, but as they grow independent, those same acts of love–like making their meals, washing their clothes, tucking them in–could be considered threats. Their growing independence doesn’t want to be told what to do anymore and if we are not careful to respect that, we can easily lead them into rebellion. I know; I did that with my first child. I did not recognize when my role was changing. As he was “testing his oats” I was taking responsibilty for his choices. Instead of allowing experience to help me guide him as a young adult, I allowed fear of failure to send me into panic when he made poor choices. In fact, because his choices were so drasticly dangerous, I went into a bit of a crisis as a mom and as a woman. Honestly, I was the one who needed to grow up.

Every mom has her strengths and any strength out of proportion becomes a weaknesses. Recognizing the power of our influence over our children is key to becoming a confident mother who can truly nurture her child throughout each stage of their lives. If we lack confidence, we are more likely to try to force on our children what we see is best for them.

The strengths you have to offer your children is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: wisdom, independence, education (The Classic)

N: Support, acceptance, encouragement (The Natural)

D: Inspiration, motivation, discipline (The Dramatic)

I:  Encouragement, compassion, inspiration (The Ingénue)

R: Love, comfort, cookies  (The Romantic)

G: Protection, provision, motivation (The Gamine) 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

The difference between nurturing and nagging is confidence.

This morning as I was making my college kid’s lunch, I found myself walking that fine line. I’m concerned about his health and want to “nurture” him while he’s here, but I know that my suggestions can become “nagging” and he won’t hear a word I say. He survived nine months of school without me constantly suggesting he make “good choices” and “eat healthy” yet I still felt compelled to nag him, “take your lunch, honey…”  I know, now, however, that  my loving concern for his diet, would only be rejected by his frustration at my apparent lack of confidence in him.

The truth is, the place I really lacked confidence in, was in myself.

I’ve lost a child; the fear of losing another can make me very insecure. I’ve been ensnared with the devastation, disfunction and fears of having one child choose drugs; the desire to control all them has made me obsessed. It’s hard to have confidence when things have gone so drastically wrong; but it’s even harder to strive for confidence.

Confidence is a choice.

I almost didn’t make that lunch this morning, because I still fear rejection, but I made it anyway but I left it  on the counter and let him know it was there if he wanted a home cooked meal. I think I found the fine line because I have a peace that isn’t concerned with what he decides. My confidence is not in him or in my parenting style. It is in the fact that God has carried my family through extreme difficulties and He will take care of us no matter what else comes our way.  Maybe I have finally  grown up.

No matter how old our kids get, they still need love and nurturing, but we must respect that they receive it differently. This Mother’s Day let’s be confident in the influence we have over our children , being careful to use our strengths as an  encouragement not a frustration. If your child is in a rebellious season, I encourage you to remain confident that  you have taught them well and that  God will complete the work He has begun in them. He is able to  make even the ugliest of circumstances beautiful. May you, too, find the joy and peace of letting go.

For the Lord will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught. –Proverbs 3:26 NKJV

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Hate the Dark, Bumpy Circles Around your Eyes?

The next time you wash your face, pay attention to your eyes. Your daily routine may be the reason for the dark, bumpy skin that circles your eyes and causes you Confidence Conflicts. A simple change in that routine could be the very thing that fixes the problem.

We naturally protect our eyes.

When any foreign object approaches our eyes, we flinch and blink. Eyes are delicate. Eyes are valuable. Not only do we need them to see, they are also the window through which others see us. It is natural to want to avoid using product around our eyes, but this innate response could be the very cause of the dark circles and bumpy skin that draws attention away from our inner beauty like a shade over a window.

We are often reminded that the skin around they eye socket is thinner and looses its elasticity, so we should be careful not to pull that skin or we will get wrinkles. We should always use our weakest (ring) finger to gently remove any makeup or apply any skin care. While this is an important habit, it can easily lead us into avoiding the eye area with our cleansing and exfoliating habits, allowing dead skin cells and product residue to build up and clog the pores.

Many women make the common mistake of carefully removing their eye makeup, but then only splashing water to remove the oil that they used to break up the mascara. Avoiding cleanser around the eyes may seem wise, but it is not.

Dark circles

While the root cause of the dreadful dark circles is not always the need for exfoliating that buildup of makeup remover, most of the time, the dark circles can be reversed. It won’t likely happen with one facial, but add a new habit to detoxification, a stretch of good health and deep sleep, and the circles will  usually fade away. In the meantime, they can be covered up with a good concealer, but keep in mind that most concealers are another heavy product that must be removed properly or you will find yourself in a catch 22, making your problem worse.

Bumpy skin, however, is not as easy to hide.

Milia

The flesh colored (or sometimes white) bumps are simply blocked sebaceous glands where keratin has become trapped under the skin and formed a small, hard cyst, called milia. These milium (plural) are typically found on the face, around your eyes or cheeks. However, they are also commonly found on the back of your upper arm, and can appear pretty much anywhere.

These millet-seed-like keratinous nodules  are nothing to fear, they are common, painless, and easy to treat, but you must be patient and persistent because they are extremely stubborn. Milium may eventually go away on their own, but it may take years. The longer you have had them, the harder you may have to work to get them to dissolve.

Whether it is dark circles or milium that are causing you Confidence Conflicts, this is my simple advice:

  1. Drink lots of water to flush skin.
  2. Get proper rest to rejuvenate the skin.
  3. Avoid products that clog the pores.
  4. Wash your pillowcase often.
  5. Use steam or warm water to open pores before cleansing.
  6. Use a gentle, daily exfoliating cleanser.
  7. Do a weekly, stronger exfoliating scrub.

Consider how long it takes your skin to heal from a cut–that is about how long you must stay persistent with treating the tiny cysts that are deep beneath the surface of your skin. It generally takes your skin about 28-45 days to rejuvenate itself. If your condition persists after a time of really focusing on exfoliation, then it may be time to see a dermatologist.

*****

It is also important to keep in mind that your skin is designed as your first guard against toxic elements, but many toxins seep through the skin to your body. While your skin works hard to eliminate toxins (mostly through sweat), It is extremely important to become aware of the products you are using. You can help your skin do its job, or you can hinder it. I personally recommend the certified, pure, therapeutic grade essential oils produced by dõTERRA. If you would like information on getting these products at wholesale prices, please contact me at catrina@catrinawelch.com 

I’d love to connect with you on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, and Goodreads. Please visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

How Rhythm Affects Confidence

Consider the weather patterns and the cycles of seasons. The ocean’s tides ebb and flow aw the moon waxes and wanes. We literally schedule our lives around by the rhythm of nature. If there were ever a pause in the rising or setting of the sun, we would all panic.

It’s not just your surroundings that has rhythms. So does your body. Your breath and heartbeat have patterns; so do your physical needs, such as eating, sleeping and… getting your hair done.
When I worked in the salon, I was always fascinated by the different responses my clients had regarding scheduling their next appointment. I could always count on the Classic and the Gamine to fill my book six weeks out. The others, not so much. The Ingénue and Romantics were concerned someone else might need them and they did not want to say, “no” to anyone (or cancel on me!), so they would  shy away from rescheduling. The Natural doesn’t like to spend money and, to her, haircuts are a frivolous expenses. Besides, they do well with “wash-n-wear” styles that don’t need as much upkeep. The Dramatic, on the other hand, wants another appointment–she loves beauty treatments, but her spontaneous nature doesn’t like being committed to something that might keep her from another opportunity.

Yes, I may be generalizing. Your Img.ID is not the sole factor in how often you get your hair done–life is far more complicated than that–but, still, let’s consider why it’s so hard for most women to schedule time for themselves.


The way you feel about self-care is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: It’s necessary, professional and a private matter (Classic)

N: Haircuts are only worth the time or money when it’s necessary and practical (Natural)

D: Style and hygiene are important. Hair is a creative tool of expression. (Dramatic)

I: I love to be creative with my hair myself. There’s no need for someone else to fuss over me. (Ingénue)

R: I’d love to get pampered and made beautiful, but it feels selfish. (Romantic)

G: Maintaining a clean-cut appearance is vital to my identity. I like to have fun with my hair. (Gamine

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

Find your rhythm

As professionals, most hairdressers will suggest another appointment before you check out of the salon. (It helps us to keep working, but more than that, it ensures that the client will be able to secure her favored stylist.) I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had a clients shocked that she needed me exactly when I wanted to schedule her.

If you have long, one length hair, you may be able to stretch out the time between your haircuts, but if you wear your hair with any kind of a style, I would recommend you figure out how often you will need a trim and plan accordingly. Most women need their hair cut every six to eight weeks. If you wear very short hair, then you may need two cuts within that time.

Hair grows. You may not be able to set your clock by the  rhythm of your follicle growth, but you can count on it enough to put some maintenance time in your calendar.

If you struggle with taking time for, or spending money on, your hair, I challenge you to consider your thoughts. Do you also feel guilty when you need to sleep or eat? I hope not! A woman with Confident Beauty knows her needs and takes responsibility for meeting them (including when that means asking for help). I think we could all learn from the rhythms of nature.

We all  take the time to sleep every day. We all buy groceries  every week. And we all have some things we need to take care of every month or so–like a haircut.

Think about it.

When we find the rhythm for taking care of our hair like we do our other cycles, we don’t have to go through the emotional torment of trying to decide if we need or deserve a little salon time  or not. Instead, when our hair starts to frizz or flop, we can rest assured in the confidence that we already have an appointment

No guilt. No shame. No need to justify, excuse or explain. Just pure and simple self-care.

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

5 Practices for Overcoming Self-Consciousness

It seems obvious that the tendency to compare your life with others’ is second nature and cannot be stopped.

IMG_2099No wonder the social media has created such an epidemic of self-consciousness. With each visit to Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest… we find ourselves faced with the temptation to compare our lives to the pictures we see. We know, of course,  that what we are only shown the “postable” parts of our friends’ lives, but we still compare what we see to the parts of our lives that we would never post.

And they compare their “un-postables” with our “postables”. Continue reading 5 Practices for Overcoming Self-Consciousness

Easter Changes Everything

Imagine how the friends of Jesus felt the day after His crucifixion. They were so sure He was the Messiah, the One sent to become their king and free them from Rome. He called Himself the Way, the Truth and the Life, yet in the reality of that moment, it looked like His “way” was to suffer brutal judgment and death!

Faith: the substance of things hoped for

IMG_2089Reality is sometimes rocks our faith and twists our beliefs with doubt and confusion. Perhaps you, too, have had a dream suddenly become a nightmare? Has your hope ever turned to despair? Maybe your future was looking bright but then crisis hit, confusion came or tensions arose and now you’re not sure what is true anymore.

I am a mother who has grieved the loss of a daughter and suffered the emotional turmoil of having a son ensnared in addiction. I know this dream-gone-bad feeling.

As difficult as life gets, the most painful seasons are the times when the truth gets twisted. Continue reading Easter Changes Everything

5 Factors for Finding your Best Hairstyle

Ovale_GesichtsformSprig Fever has a way of inspiring creativity and agitating a need for change, especially when it lingers in it’s approach. Perhaps you are feeling the urgency to make a transformation with your hair. Before you do, consider these five factors:

1. Your hairstyle should compliment your facial shape.

If your are feeling creative and are ready for a change, there are some crucial rules to follow in order to not be disappointed. Like creating flattering fashion with clothing lines, the way your hair frames your face will either compliment your beauty or compete with it.

In general: any line that accentuates your beauty, or disguises a challenge is a flattering line. If it draws attention to the challenge or flaw, it is a negative line.

Oval (balanced, even, proportionate)
Could be any Img.ID 
Can wear pretty much any style.

Oblong (long, narrow, balanced)
Could be any Img.ID 
Styles with fullness in crown and sides. Asymmetrical or symmetrical styles are good. Bangs are optional.

Square (wide, angular jaw and forehead)
Natural, Dramatic, Gamine
Asymmetrical and side parts or side-swept bangs are good choices.

Diamond (narrow chin, brow; wide cheeks)
Natural, Dramatic, Gamine
Asymmetrical and side parts are good. Bangs are not.

Heart (wide forehead, narrow chin, often widow’s peak hairline) Ingénue, Romantic
Asymmetrical or symmetrical styles with fullness at chin and neck are good; bangs are optional. Avoid too much fullness at crown.

Round (balanced, fullest at cheeks) 
Natural, Ingénue, Romantic, Gamine
Asymmetrical or uneven styles with fullness at the crown.

Pear (widest at jaw, narrow forehead)
Natural, Dramatic, Ingénue, Romantic, Gamine
Balanced or asymmetrical styles that are fullest at and above ears; avoid fullness below cheeks. Slight or full bangs are a good option.

2. Your hairstyle should work well with your hair texture. Continue reading 5 Factors for Finding your Best Hairstyle

4 Steps to Dressing True to You

When you walk into a room which shows up first, you or your clothing?
One way to find out is to listen to the compliments you get. Are about you or your outfit?There’s a big difference between, “You look beautiful!” and “What a beautiful dress!” As women, we enjoy a compliment, and we should. It’s like a hug that simply affirms us and encourages our spirit.

The bearhug of all compliments–the I want for every one of my clients–is: “Oh, wow, that is so YOU!” The wow factor is by far the biggest confidence booster, don’t you think? How often do you get a “wow”?

I’m sorry. I know,  that was a painful question.

I don’t get them very often either, and, hey, I know how to dress true to myself.

shy-863056_640In reality,  it takes a confident, generous person to give away such a valuable thing as words of affirmation–especially when Continue reading 4 Steps to Dressing True to You

Why Wearing Black Could be Killing your Confidence

I can almost hear you protesting my blog already…

If you’re like most women, you love to wear black and it is the dominate color of your entire wardrobe and my suggestion that black could be killing your confidence already has you irate, doesn’t it?

“If you take my black away, I will have nothing to wear!”

This is, by far, the biggest push back I get as an image-coach.

There are many reasons people love to dress in dark, dull clothing:

Black is seen as professional

Continue reading Why Wearing Black Could be Killing your Confidence

The Secret to Dressing with Confidence

When I tell people I am an image- and life-coach, I often get a blank stare, followed by the expression that shows an “ah-ha moment.” Image and life: they go together so powerfully; yet they are seldom considered a pair.

Your life is judged by your image

Right or wrong, human nature has a tendency to judge others within six seconds of meeting them. I do it. You do it. All the people we meet us judge us as well. So, what do others assume about your life because of your image?

  • A care-free casual image may say you are simple and unconcerned with other’s judgment. Or it may say you don’t care much about yourself–or the event you are attending.
  • A carefully composed image with coordinating accessories and perfect makeup may say that you are deeply concerned with looking good. Or it may say that you have great respect for yourself and the people in your presence.
  • A strong, bold, colorful image may say that you are a fun and vivacious person. Or may say that you are loudly trying to be someone you are not.

An image that authentically reflects your life says something positive; an image that is false will be judged negatively.

Your image should reflect your life

Are you a casual person? Then dress casually because if you wear colorful, bold or  glamorous outfits you may be assumed obnoxious and loud. If you are strong and theatrical, then include excitement in your image, because if your outfit is plain and casual, people may feel you are holding back something and not being real.

A false image makes others feel they can not trust you.

Continue reading The Secret to Dressing with Confidence

When Looking Good is the Last Concern

fullsizeoutput_1541If you ever want to find out if you have Image Issues, go skiing in extremely cold conditions and see if you care how you look.

Last weekend’s fierce winds brought the wind-chill factor down to a negative twenty-five degrees, but that didn’t take into account the wet snow on my exposed cheeks. It was literally painful; an adventure I would never have even considered years ago when I was young enough to handle it (and dumb enough to only have cute ski gear!).

I wasn’t brave when I was young. I didn’t take risks. Somehow I got the impression that the comfort-zone was where i’d find peace. I didn’t find it there.

There is no peace in taking the easy way out of a challenge; there is only disappointment and the stress of trying to change the circumstances. When I was on that mountain too cold to cope, all i could focus on was the weather and, at my skill-level, it is not safe to think of anything other than navigating the slopes. i couldn’t just quit because the only way back to warmth was to take another lift and ski there.

Keep going.

We cannot always get out of fierce and frightening situations. Sometimes we must find a way to conquer our mountain. I heard from a lot of you regarding my blog last week and I know many of you are facing very difficult mountains right now. You feel like you are on a slippery slope in a nasty storm with no proper equipment and no knowledge of how to ski. Some of you have also lost a Trisomy 18 baby or are dealing with a loved one’s depression or addiction.

You are not alone.

We may be far from our comfort-zone, but we can still have peace. When we can’t move the mountain or change the weather, we can still bundle up and enjoy the ride. When I was losing hope skiing, I decided to stop pushing through the pain and let my husband know I couldn’t take it anymore. I was so grateful when he patiently adjusted my equipment and strongly assured me that I could finish the run.

The funny thing is, once he fixed my face mask and I was properly protected, I was able to enjoy the experience again.

And we skied all day.

Yes, it was still bitter cold, but I was no longer rawly exposed to it’s danger. I had the upper hand. I was prepared, which disarmed my fears.

When I got cold again, we stopped again.

Most of all, we enjoyed the adventure of conquering a challenge.

If you are freezing and fearful as you face your mountain today, I encourage you to stop a moment and share your heart with someone who can help you adjust your gear. Maybe you could help them with their’s, too, because more then likely they need to figure out the mountain, too. Life is not a comfort-zone; it’s an adventure and it’s the difficulties that make the greatest adventures. Be brave, take care of yourself  and enjoy the thrill of conquering your mountain. You can do this!

After all, skiing is simply falling gracefully.

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.