Do You Accept Rejection?

In every conversation, every glance your way, each test you take or act you perform, there will always be the nagging questions about your identity, purpose, power and value:

Who am I?

Why am I here?

Am I enough? Am I too much?

Does my life even matter?

These questions about our significance may be subtle and somewhat silent or they may consume us with their torment. The intensity of their demands for answers may ebb and flow, within certain seasons of our lives. Without a doubt, they are strongest when we are suffering with low self-esteem, but even on days when we highly-esteem ourselves, our nature is to solicit confirmation of our worth. Continue reading Do You Accept Rejection?

Are you More Confident in Stilettos or Sneakers?

With Texas facing such unfathomable devastation, I find it hard to blog about beauty today, but since the media is so concerned with Melania’s choice in shoes right now, I suppose it’s not too inappropriate to discus the topic.

Appropriate footwear

It’s true, what we wear on our feet shows how committed we are to the activity or occasion we are preparing for. If you say you are going to the beach, yet you are wearing boots, I might not take you seriously. If you are going to play backyard tennis, you may get away with wearing any sneakers, but if you are serious about playing, you will wear tennis shoes.

Don’t wear any kind of sneakers, however, if you are going to the courthouse or you may be condemned by the  judge. There are certain times when formality is expected.

Typically, formality is expected every day for the FLOTUS, (or for a model for that matter!)

Except when it is not–then she may be condemned for dressing up, even if she planned to dress-down before arriving at the disaster area.

A lot of beautiful women face this problem of being judged harshly for dressing up–especially Dramatic & Classic women, who tend to be more formal in nature. Personally, this is one of my hot buttons. I hurt for the girls who are criticized and snubbed because (ironically) the “mean girls” think the  pretty girls are snobs. Of course, it does go the other way as well, and pretty girls can be mean, but everyone sees the wrong then. Doesn’t anyone see that some women are simply more confident and comfortable in stilettos? Continue reading Are you More Confident in Stilettos or Sneakers?

Making Peace with your Image

Glance at a flower and it will amaze you with its beauty. Take a deep look at the details of each pedal, the leaves and it’s stem and you may not be as impressed. I mean really, what is this?

Flowers wilt; they fall over or break, and very often they have many deformities. No flower is perfect, yet only a fool would dare to criticize the details of that which was presented to them for sheer pleasure. I’m not saying that no one rejects the bouquet of flowers given them (Actually, I’ve personally witnessed an ungrateful critique insult the generosity of their flower-giver’s heart.). I am saying that those who are critical of beauty are foolish. Continue reading Making Peace with your Image

Can You Help Ugly Become Beautiful?

If you have ever heard of the Proverbs 31 woman, you know she is amazing. She is someone we all want to be, she does it all, has it all, makes it all, and IS it all! She is the wise, ambitious, strong, organized woman of God who loves her husband, children, and servants. She honors, adores, and guards them and meets their every need- even if she has to get on a ship to get the good!. She puts others first,  cares for the poor and supports the local merchants. She takes the  time to dabble in real estate, plant vineyards and make fine tapestry. Not only that, but she eats right and stays in shape!

Oh, and one more thing.

She seeks wool and flax, and willing works with her hands. –Prov 31:13

How often we overlook that one…

We all want to be worth “far more than rubies” like her, don’t we? I mean, I want to plant a vineyard! I love grapevines. I want my husband to safely trust me, to lack nothing and to be well known in the “city gates.” I believe charm is deceitful and beauty is passing; I fear the Lord; I want to be praised!

I’d love for my children to rise up and call me blessed one day… Continue reading Can You Help Ugly Become Beautiful?

5 Checks for Confidential Beauty

It’s inevitable, whenever I speak to young ladies about beauty, that someone asks me to address the topic of modesty.  Personally, I prefer to use the term dignity, since the word “modesty” is often interpreted as stale, legalistic control that only spurs on rebellion in those who love fashion. In a recent discussion on the matter, a young man, who had overheard me talking with a group of girls, told his friend that we were discussing “confidential beauty.”

Immediately, I felt a blog coming on….

Modesty is not old and ugly; it is dignified and commands respect, like confidentiality.

Continue reading 5 Checks for Confidential Beauty

Do Ugly Mistakes Define You?

I recently heard a recovering addict refer to herself as a dandelion: ugly and annoying to most but beautiful and useful to those who know her.

Her analogy has me thinking.

As the mother of an addict, I’m often baffled by the way my son returns to his drug of choice even though it makes his life so much more difficult in so many terrifying ways. I do not see him as ugly and annoying, but his behavior indicates that this is how he believes most see him. My new friend, however, recognizes that some people see her worth. She recognizes the stigma her past has put on her, but is beginning to shift her focus away from her shame and toward her worth.

Part of “recovering” from any ugly past is overcoming the stigma

As moms, we  see our children as beautiful and useful–even when they mess up or become rebellious–because our hopes and dreams for them are strong. We believe in their potential. Unfortunately, it is hard to recognize your own beautiful potential when you are trapped in a lifestyle of ugly mistakes. The ramifications of bad choices make it hard to see what could be.

It’s hard to imagine a field full of beautiful flowers when at the time all it boasts is ugly and annoying weeds.

People are compelled by convictions.

When we mess up, we often allow our experience to form our opinion of ourselves. We experience a divorce and take the identity of a” divorcee” and a struggle with addiction names you an “addict.” I have a hard time with that, but  really, when we get married we become a “wife”; when we restrict our diet we become a “vegetarian” (or such).  I just hate this epidemic of people restricted by the stigmatism that their ugly mistakes have made.

What we experience does form our identity, and therefore we act according to who we are–in most cases it would be wrong not to. If you don’t act according to your marital status, its a moral issue. Your choice of diet, on the other hand, may or may not be a strong conviction, but each of us should BE true to who we believe we are.

Unless, of course, we are believing a lie.

A vegetarian who eats meat totally contradicts who she says she is. If she had no conviction about the matter, then her change in diet is not much of a concern. We might ask her what changed her mind, but it’s really not any of our business how someone else eats, right? If, however, she had strong beliefs on the matter and suddenly she was straying, I would try to encourage her to “remain true to herself,”  wouldn’t you?

The only thing truly ugly and annoying about someones identity is hypocrisy.

It is upsetting to witness someone take on an identity that contradicts who they really are. I may never really understand why does my son keeps going back to drugs, but this one thing I am sure of: I still believe in him, but my convictions will never change his identity, only his will.

Dandelions have the potential to be beautiful or destructive.

As a little girl, my daughter loved to pick the bright yellow dandelions in our back yard. When their season of bright beauty past, and they turned to seed, she loved to blow the beautiful puff off into the wind. They started multiplying like crazy! When we told her that the flowers were actually weeds, I think we broke her heart, but once she understood the truth, she stopped the behavior that was causing an epidemic in our lawn.

Are you a dandelion?

Yes, the beautiful flowers  are weeds, but they have worth. I hear you can even eat them! They are adaptable and able to grow even in cracks of pavement where their is very  little soul. Try to pull them up and you will learn that they are extremely strong. Unless you succeed at pulling out the whole root, they will likely grow back. Most of all, dandelions are highly influential. They may go through an ugly season, but their beauty only multiplies as they fully recover and start all over. Why? Because they were designed with the potential to experience a Supreme MakeOver.

So were you.

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. -Romans 6: 16 NLT

Do you see yourself as ugly and annoying or beautiful and useful?  Recovering from an ugly past is a process, but it is a possibility. There is a Supreme Stylist–God, your Creator, who can make you completely new again if you simply ask. It is what He does. It’s what He loves to do. 

Don’t let your mistakes–or the stigma they have caused–define you. BE who you were designed to be: Strong, adaptable, highly influential, beautiful and useful.  After all, weeds may go through an ugly season, but they multiply a lot faster than other flowers do!

*****

get Catrina’s books on amazon

As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others struggling. If you want to make difference, too, would you become  part of this movement and connect with me on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Never Neglect Doing This

If you are like most women, you may very well skip this one important step in your self-care regiment. After all, it does seem a bit frivolous and there’s already a lot to do to get ready for the day. You take the time to clean your face, and surely you use a moisturizer before putting on your makeup, getting dressed and eating, but throwing in this one extra step of using a toner is just too much. Really, applying toner only takes one minute at the most, but hey, every second counts, right? Why do they put in that silly step anyway?

All quality skin care systems include a toner.

Cleansers are designed to pull any built-up oils, makeup or dirt from your face. In order to work, they naturally disrupt the acidity of your skin. The toner is designed to bring the ph balance of your skin back to it’s normal state. Also, toners are humectants, so they also help to bind the moisturizer to your skin.

After studying cosmetology (granted, it was thirty-two years ago) I should know the importance of toning my face, but I’ve been guilty of skipping this step, too. Life is busy, and it’s easy to ignore small details, especially when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Most habits take time to form or reform, and self care is no different.

Routines gradually evolve for better, or for worse.

As our schedules and needs change, our habits change, too. I started skipping my toner soon after I started using an essential oil (EO) skin care system. EOs are, by nature, ph balanced and because they are complete molecules, the skin absorbs their moisturizing benefits easily. In my mind, the need for toner somehow became less urgent and I got a bit lazy in my skin care regime.

Recently, I realized was out of cleanser and moisturizer, yet I had extra un-opened toner in my cabinet. I brought the toner back into my regime simply because I didn’t want to waste this precious product. About two weeks later, after just hitting a new decade and feeling old, I was amazed at how much my skin had “toned up”. I may be feeling older, but my skin was looking smoother and tighter! There are two other amazing benefits of toner, which I needed to be reminded of:

  1. Toner deep-cleans the skin. We tend to think of toner as an anti-bacterial, drying agent designed to aid oily skin in fighting acne. As we age, we may think this is no longer important to us, but in reality clogged pores are still dirty, whether they cause blemishes or not.
  2. Toner tightens the skin. As you apply toner to your face, it cleanses the pores of any residue your cleanser left behind. It also closes the pores and tightens the cell gaps, reducing the ability of impurities and environmental contaminants to penetrate the skin. This process also reduces fine lines and wrinkles.

How silly I was to skip such powerful product!

There’s  a life-lesson in this…

(I can hear my kids groaning now.) But, come on, you knew it was coming, right? Image-coaching is just not enough for me; I’ve got to do the life-coaching, too. Here it is:

  1. When life gets busy, let’s be careful not to skip important details. I think of how easy it is for us to do quick “clean ups” in our relationships. When we mess up, we may easily say we are sorry, but do we take the time to be sure there’s no seed of bitterness developing in the one we offended? It’s the deep, heart to heart apologies that make our relationships strong and tight, let’s not be afraid to take that step.
  2. When we do good and behave well, let’s be careful not to rely on self-righteousness. No matter how “clean” we think we are, no one is completely pure and holy. Every one of us needs a deep cleansing (daily!) and only Jesus is pure enough to be our spiritual toner. It’s through repentance that we are clothed with His righteousness, let’s not be afraid to seek His forgiveness.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:8, 9

*****

get Catrina’s books on amazon

As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those I’ve struggled with, such as betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others find confidence. This is why they call me the “Image Consultant without the shopping obsession.”

If you want to make difference, too, please onnect with me on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Do you Need a Timeout?

Summer is typically considered the season to take time to play, rest and renew. The change in routine and slower pace has a way of refreshing us and giving us strength to carry on.

When we were children, we were given a ‘timeout” as a means of discipline; maybe this is why we sometimes feel badly about taking one now.

When a child acts up, it is usually because they have a physical or emotional need.  This is why timeouts can be so effective. When our children are grouchy and miserable, it is a good idea to HALT and  question the root of the behavior. Are they:

  • HUNGRY
  • ANGRY
  • LONELY
  • TIRED

It is a good rule of thumb to HALT and ask ourselves this question as well. We may be big girls now, but we still have basic needs. No matter how mature we are, when we are hurting physically, we may get emotional. If we are hurting emotionally, we may ache physically. Our spirituality effects us physically and emotional, as well. Whenever there’s a strong need, in any area of our lives, we may need to take a timeout to take care of the problem–otherwise, the problem may easily get out of hand.

When hurt, HALT

There’s been a lot of injury in my family this week. If you could see me with my sister and mom right now, you would crack up. We are each hurt in different ways and we are trying to help each other take a “timeout” but our physical restrictions are making it rather humorous.

One thing I have noticed, is that with each injury, the problem was first hard to define. Isn’t this how it is when we are hurt emotionally as well? With initial impact, pain causes us to stop everything. We may feel intense emotion with the intense pain. It may cause us to be afraid to move or act again. After a timeout, as the swelling subsides and the pain eases up, the root problem is revealed. The bone may be broken; the ligament torn; the joint damaged, but at least we know what to do and what not to do.

Timeout help define the needs and restrictions.

If you have been hurt emotionally, physically or even spiritually, I encourage you to HALT and assess the root problem. Do you really need to quit? Healing may take some time, ice and rest, but it doesn’t always mean you can never do “that” again. It may be a broken heart that you are suffering from, but how long do you need to remain on the defense? One unfaithful relationship does not mean that every friend will hurt you. Learn from your injuries, but don’t allow the fear of getting hurt again to restrain you from ever risking vulnerability again.

The way you handle hurt is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: Isolate

N: Carry on

D: Demand change

I: Receive the problem

R: Shut down

G: Defend herself 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Encouragement in an Identity Crisis

This could be a story about you. Perhaps your losing your hair, have a major skin problem, are cross-eyed or confined to a wheelchair. This could be a story about a friend or family member, who’s Image Issue is not outwardly apparent to most, but is weighing on your heart because you know about her eating disorder, gender confusion, substance abuse, self-loathing.

Image Issues are uncomfortable.

Any identity crisis is personal and often very painful–especially while the crisis is active. Difficult times are easier to talk about when they are in the past. In truth, most battles become glamorous stories once time passes and pain subsides. Isn’t this why women tell labor stories when they are around a pregnant woman?

Painful pasts have powerful potential.

Stories of overcoming difficult times are usually helpful to those potentially facing the same problem, but we need to be sensitive about our timing for those actively in the emotional battle.

Broken beauty is still lovely

As an image consultant, I try to make it a point to recognize when a girl or woman may need to hear how beautiful they are. It’s what I do. A direct compliment can be awkward to receive and hearing “you are beautiful!” can throw any woman off-guard. I recently Continue reading Encouragement in an Identity Crisis

Sea-Saw of Confidence

Most women HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on their appearance. Who doesn’t hate certain parts and pieces of how they look? This is why so many of us hide under big, baggy sweatshirts, heavy makeup or hair coloring.

Some women love their appearance–or at least they have a way of persuading their audience that they love how they look. In reality, those who are hung up on looking good may very well hate themselves even more than those hiding.

Why is beauty such an emotion battle for so many of us? Wait, before you tell me that you have no emotional struggle over beauty, take a moment to search your soul.

  • How do you feel when you see a young girl hiding?
  • What are your thoughts toward girls who put too much emphasis on the way they look?

Think about it. Girls are condemned if they do cate about their image, and disgraced if they don’t. It’s not us the public eye, or the men in our lives, either. It’s us. We are the ones so hard on each other and on ourselves.

The way you treat your beauty (wether you hide it or strive to attain it) is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: Seldom STRIVE or HIDE; image is just a part of being professional.
N: Seldom STRIVE or HIDE; I prefer comfort over beauty.
D: More apt to STRIVE; I love to make things beautiful.
I: I prefer to HIDE from attention, but I often STRIVE to look stronger.
R: I love beauty, but tend to HIDE my own; when I STRIVE for it, I get hurt.
G: It’s not a big deal; I dress how I want when I want.

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

We hide things we do not value.

If you are hiding your beauty there is a good chance you have not yet discovered your self-worth. Perhaps you have always felt ashamed, unwanted, uncared for. Your reason for feeling this way could be real or imagined, either way, emotions are often the driving force behind the way we represent ourselves. If you were teased for your height or weight, there’s a good chance you still feel foolish about that physical attribute. The truth is, beauty is not confined to you fitting into a popular height, weight, or any other attribute. Not everyone will appreciate your qualities, but your value is not negotiated by their opinion; don’t let it pull your confidence down.

We get hung up on things we overvalue.

If you are hung up on your appearance, there is  a good chance you are striving for someone else’s approval. I know. I’ve been there. It’s human nature to long to belong, but showing off something does not give it greater value. In fact, showing off turns people away. No doubt you have personally witnessed an adorable girl who knows how cute she is. It’s only cute for a little while before it becomes too much. People are easily turned off by a hangup, so don’t depend on great qualities to pull your confidence up.

We do not hate that which we we know is deeply loved.

If you hate the way you look, there’s a good chance you do not believe you have something beautiful to offer. You are wrong. Everyone has something worth sharing, but you will never be at peace about it until you decide to get off the sea-saw and find Beauty in Balance. I believe the secret to finding that peace is in understanding the depth of God’s love for you. When you believe that the Creator of the universe carefully choose each of your attributes with a purpose and a plan, you will feel differently about yourself. You’re not just any woman, you were made by the high-fashion Designer!

If you are struggling with the idea that you were lovingly formed by God, I encourage you to find a Bible and really search for answers. The thing is, once you believe that you have a “designer label,” you begin to notice how carefully designed all the other people around you are as well. Suddenly “average” seems silly and you see the beauty in the crazy-unordinary physical attributes.

What a creative God we have!

With this realization, you no longer feel the need to hide or to strive. Instead you have Beauty in Balance. That’s when you experience true confidence.That’s when you become a Confident Beauty.

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.