Category Archives: Confidence

Are you More Confident in Stilettos or Sneakers?

With Texas facing such unfathomable devastation, I find it hard to blog about beauty today, but since the media is so concerned with Melania’s choice in shoes right now, I suppose it’s not too inappropriate to discus the topic.

Appropriate footwear

It’s true, what we wear on our feet shows how committed we are to the activity or occasion we are preparing for. If you say you are going to the beach, yet you are wearing boots, I might not take you seriously. If you are going to play backyard tennis, you may get away with wearing any sneakers, but if you are serious about playing, you will wear tennis shoes.

Don’t wear any kind of sneakers, however, if you are going to the courthouse or you may be condemned by the  judge. There are certain times when formality is expected.

Typically, formality is expected every day for the FLOTUS, (or for a model for that matter!)

Except when it is not–then she may be condemned for dressing up, even if she planned to dress-down before arriving at the disaster area.

A lot of beautiful women face this problem of being judged harshly for dressing up–especially Dramatic & Classic women, who tend to be more formal in nature. Personally, this is one of my hot buttons. I hurt for the girls who are criticized and snubbed because (ironically) the “mean girls” think the  pretty girls are snobs. Of course, it does go the other way as well, and pretty girls can be mean, but everyone sees the wrong then. Doesn’t anyone see that some women are simply more confident and comfortable in stilettos? Continue reading Are you More Confident in Stilettos or Sneakers?

Can You Help Ugly Become Beautiful?

If you have ever heard of the Proverbs 31 woman, you know she is amazing. She is someone we all want to be, she does it all, has it all, makes it all, and IS it all! She is the wise, ambitious, strong, organized woman of God who loves her husband, children, and servants. She honors, adores, and guards them and meets their every need- even if she has to get on a ship to get the good!. She puts others first,  cares for the poor and supports the local merchants. She takes the  time to dabble in real estate, plant vineyards and make fine tapestry. Not only that, but she eats right and stays in shape!

Oh, and one more thing.

She seeks wool and flax, and willing works with her hands. –Prov 31:13

How often we overlook that one…

We all want to be worth “far more than rubies” like her, don’t we? I mean, I want to plant a vineyard! I love grapevines. I want my husband to safely trust me, to lack nothing and to be well known in the “city gates.” I believe charm is deceitful and beauty is passing; I fear the Lord; I want to be praised!

I’d love for my children to rise up and call me blessed one day… Continue reading Can You Help Ugly Become Beautiful?

5 Checks for Confidential Beauty

It’s inevitable, whenever I speak to young ladies about beauty, that someone asks me to address the topic of modesty.  Personally, I prefer to use the term dignity, since the word “modesty” is often interpreted as stale, legalistic control that only spurs on rebellion in those who love fashion. In a recent discussion on the matter, a young man, who had overheard me talking with a group of girls, told his friend that we were discussing “confidential beauty.”

Immediately, I felt a blog coming on….

Modesty is not old and ugly; it is dignified and commands respect, like confidentiality.

Continue reading 5 Checks for Confidential Beauty

Do Ugly Mistakes Define You?

I recently heard a recovering addict refer to herself as a dandelion: ugly and annoying to most but beautiful and useful to those who know her.

Her analogy has me thinking.

As the mother of an addict, I’m often baffled by the way my son returns to his drug of choice even though it makes his life so much more difficult in so many terrifying ways. I do not see him as ugly and annoying, but his behavior indicates that this is how he believes most see him. My new friend, however, recognizes that some people see her worth. She recognizes the stigma her past has put on her, but is beginning to shift her focus away from her shame and toward her worth.

Part of “recovering” from any ugly past is overcoming the stigma

As moms, we  see our children as beautiful and useful–even when they mess up or become rebellious–because our hopes and dreams for them are strong. We believe in their potential. Unfortunately, it is hard to recognize your own beautiful potential when you are trapped in a lifestyle of ugly mistakes. The ramifications of bad choices make it hard to see what could be.

It’s hard to imagine a field full of beautiful flowers when at the time all it boasts is ugly and annoying weeds.

People are compelled by convictions.

When we mess up, we often allow our experience to form our opinion of ourselves. We experience a divorce and take the identity of a” divorcee” and a struggle with addiction names you an “addict.” I have a hard time with that, but  really, when we get married we become a “wife”; when we restrict our diet we become a “vegetarian” (or such).  I just hate this epidemic of people restricted by the stigmatism that their ugly mistakes have made.

What we experience does form our identity, and therefore we act according to who we are–in most cases it would be wrong not to. If you don’t act according to your marital status, its a moral issue. Your choice of diet, on the other hand, may or may not be a strong conviction, but each of us should BE true to who we believe we are.

Unless, of course, we are believing a lie.

A vegetarian who eats meat totally contradicts who she says she is. If she had no conviction about the matter, then her change in diet is not much of a concern. We might ask her what changed her mind, but it’s really not any of our business how someone else eats, right? If, however, she had strong beliefs on the matter and suddenly she was straying, I would try to encourage her to “remain true to herself,”  wouldn’t you?

The only thing truly ugly and annoying about someones identity is hypocrisy.

It is upsetting to witness someone take on an identity that contradicts who they really are. I may never really understand why does my son keeps going back to drugs, but this one thing I am sure of: I still believe in him, but my convictions will never change his identity, only his will.

Dandelions have the potential to be beautiful or destructive.

As a little girl, my daughter loved to pick the bright yellow dandelions in our back yard. When their season of bright beauty past, and they turned to seed, she loved to blow the beautiful puff off into the wind. They started multiplying like crazy! When we told her that the flowers were actually weeds, I think we broke her heart, but once she understood the truth, she stopped the behavior that was causing an epidemic in our lawn.

Are you a dandelion?

Yes, the beautiful flowers  are weeds, but they have worth. I hear you can even eat them! They are adaptable and able to grow even in cracks of pavement where their is very  little soul. Try to pull them up and you will learn that they are extremely strong. Unless you succeed at pulling out the whole root, they will likely grow back. Most of all, dandelions are highly influential. They may go through an ugly season, but their beauty only multiplies as they fully recover and start all over. Why? Because they were designed with the potential to experience a Supreme MakeOver.

So were you.

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. -Romans 6: 16 NLT

Do you see yourself as ugly and annoying or beautiful and useful?  Recovering from an ugly past is a process, but it is a possibility. There is a Supreme Stylist–God, your Creator, who can make you completely new again if you simply ask. It is what He does. It’s what He loves to do. 

Don’t let your mistakes–or the stigma they have caused–define you. BE who you were designed to be: Strong, adaptable, highly influential, beautiful and useful.  After all, weeds may go through an ugly season, but they multiply a lot faster than other flowers do!

*****

get Catrina’s books on amazon

As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others struggling. If you want to make difference, too, would you become  part of this movement and connect with me on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Sea-Saw of Confidence

Most women HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on their appearance. Who doesn’t hate certain parts and pieces of how they look? This is why so many of us hide under big, baggy sweatshirts, heavy makeup or hair coloring.

Some women love their appearance–or at least they have a way of persuading their audience that they love how they look. In reality, those who are hung up on looking good may very well hate themselves even more than those hiding.

Why is beauty such an emotion battle for so many of us? Wait, before you tell me that you have no emotional struggle over beauty, take a moment to search your soul.

  • How do you feel when you see a young girl hiding?
  • What are your thoughts toward girls who put too much emphasis on the way they look?

Think about it. Girls are condemned if they do cate about their image, and disgraced if they don’t. It’s not us the public eye, or the men in our lives, either. It’s us. We are the ones so hard on each other and on ourselves.

The way you treat your beauty (wether you hide it or strive to attain it) is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: Seldom STRIVE or HIDE; image is just a part of being professional.
N: Seldom STRIVE or HIDE; I prefer comfort over beauty.
D: More apt to STRIVE; I love to make things beautiful.
I: I prefer to HIDE from attention, but I often STRIVE to look stronger.
R: I love beauty, but tend to HIDE my own; when I STRIVE for it, I get hurt.
G: It’s not a big deal; I dress how I want when I want.

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

We hide things we do not value.

If you are hiding your beauty there is a good chance you have not yet discovered your self-worth. Perhaps you have always felt ashamed, unwanted, uncared for. Your reason for feeling this way could be real or imagined, either way, emotions are often the driving force behind the way we represent ourselves. If you were teased for your height or weight, there’s a good chance you still feel foolish about that physical attribute. The truth is, beauty is not confined to you fitting into a popular height, weight, or any other attribute. Not everyone will appreciate your qualities, but your value is not negotiated by their opinion; don’t let it pull your confidence down.

We get hung up on things we overvalue.

If you are hung up on your appearance, there is  a good chance you are striving for someone else’s approval. I know. I’ve been there. It’s human nature to long to belong, but showing off something does not give it greater value. In fact, showing off turns people away. No doubt you have personally witnessed an adorable girl who knows how cute she is. It’s only cute for a little while before it becomes too much. People are easily turned off by a hangup, so don’t depend on great qualities to pull your confidence up.

We do not hate that which we we know is deeply loved.

If you hate the way you look, there’s a good chance you do not believe you have something beautiful to offer. You are wrong. Everyone has something worth sharing, but you will never be at peace about it until you decide to get off the sea-saw and find Beauty in Balance. I believe the secret to finding that peace is in understanding the depth of God’s love for you. When you believe that the Creator of the universe carefully choose each of your attributes with a purpose and a plan, you will feel differently about yourself. You’re not just any woman, you were made by the high-fashion Designer!

If you are struggling with the idea that you were lovingly formed by God, I encourage you to find a Bible and really search for answers. The thing is, once you believe that you have a “designer label,” you begin to notice how carefully designed all the other people around you are as well. Suddenly “average” seems silly and you see the beauty in the crazy-unordinary physical attributes.

What a creative God we have!

With this realization, you no longer feel the need to hide or to strive. Instead you have Beauty in Balance. That’s when you experience true confidence.That’s when you become a Confident Beauty.

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Aging with Confidence

This Forth of July I hit the big 5-0. People keep telling me that It’s just another number, but it’s a bit of a Confidence Conflict right now and hearing, “it’s no big deal” doesn’t really help.  True that a birthday really only makes us  one day older, but reaching a new decade is difficult.

Aging and body-image

Aging flowers are still beautiful!

As our body ages, wrinkles and sags, our beauty changes. This is life, and really, I’m ok with that.

Kinda.

I mean I should be, right? It’s the message of Confident Beauty: BE and LET BE.

Every flower is beautiful, wether it is budding, blooming or fragrantly falling apart. Continue reading Aging with Confidence

What Makes You Valuable?

Since the beginning of time, every young child has had an innate longing to find the answer to one very important question. With each new experience, interaction and lesson of life, she collects data and applies it toward her answer. Somewhere around the teen years, she hits info-overwhelm. Like a cluttered desk, all that she has collected has piled up and she begins to wonder where the truth is. In her frustration and desperation for answers, she may frantically shuffle through the piles–moving papers–setting aside some ideas, destroying others. In her quest to find the answer, she may make a mess, but no matter how long it takes her or how painful it gets, she must know:   Continue reading What Makes You Valuable?

The Beauty of a Dream

What do you want to do with your life? Are you actively pursuing your dream, have you put it on hold or given up on it completely?

My dream ignited when I was a teen; I wanted to write a book. At first, the idea was faint and unemotional and throughout the years the title and topic changed a number of times, It was 1992 when the thought became a passion. That was also when I was faced with my Beauty Battle. For therapy, I began journaling. My entries were far to personal to ever be published, but in that storm of life, my writing skills developed. I would take another decade, however, before my confidence would recover. Continue reading The Beauty of a Dream

Do you Keep Clothes that Don’t Fit?

The American culture may consider skinny healthy and beautiful, but that is not always true.  In my experience, “skinny” was better described “sickly” or “drawn.” My struggle with weight was always in keeping it. After reaching forty,  however, it became easy to  keep meat on my bones, but, even then, weight-loss wasn’t a challenge. When my clothes got too tight, I simply cut out some carbs and increased my activity to be  able to return to my “proper” size. Now I’m nearly fifty; I understand the struggle. Apparently making simple shifts in the diet is no longer enough. I need to make a bigger commitment to change.

Losing weight is like wardrobe weeding; there are two approaches. 

Continue reading Do you Keep Clothes that Don’t Fit?

When Transitions Take FOREVER

keep goingIt’s Memorial Day Weekend. A lot of preparations have been happening on Cape Cod to prepare for the start of our busy season. Many businesses have reopened, restaurants have restocked and summer homes have been completed. 

Yet, as the tourists arrive, the excitement is clouded because the warm weather has not yet made it’s full transition. Our beach parties and backyard barbecues will likely need relocating out of the cold, wet wind.

Confidence and expectations

Life is full of delayed transitions. Consider the times you have worked hard to accomplish something  but one thing after another interrupts the progression and stalls the grand goal. Maybe it was your graduation, certification, the permitting of your business or occupancy of your home. Some goals we only have partial control over, like training our children, healing relationships, or motivating change.

Some transitions will never come without our conscious effort. Others we have no influence over.

Like the weather.

I’m quickly approaching fifty and I have experienced Summer each year of my life, haven’t you?

We can find confidence in consistent transitions. 

I feel bad for the people arriving “on Cape” right now. This may be their only weekend to visit our beautiful area of the world. Yet, in reality, the damp weather doesn’t change the beauty of our beaches.

Expectation does.

Unrealistic expectations clouds our vision of beauty in the transition.

Those of us who are blessed enough to be here longer than the holiday weekend ought to find peace in knowing that this is not our only chance to enjoy Cape Cod’s scenic landscape.

Expecting beautiful days makes difficult ones easier to endure.
How you handle delayed transitions is a big indicator of your Img.ID, what do you do when you are disappointed?

C: Learn more, work harder 
N: Stay steady, wait 
D: Feel devastated... or more determined 
I: Feel insulted and insecure
R: Shut down, feel discouraged
G: Take charge, make it happen 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

Confidence gives resilience in delayed transitions

As a new mom, I felt like a failure when my toddler took time to potty train. After  my own mom reassured me that my boy would not be in diapers forever, I began to relax and enjoy the process.

As a wounded divorcee, I was anxious about dating my future husband, until he reassured me that if our relationship was God’s will today, it would still be God’s will tomorrow and we should take one day at a time.

When I was writing Confident Beauty, I was also running my business, being a bookkeeper for my husband’s business, leading a women’s ministry and raising three active children. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get an agent or a publisher; but if I didn’t expect it to, I wouldn’t have continued writing. It took me four years to complete my manuscript.

If you are you running hard after a goal and experiencing Confidence Conflicts because of delayed transition, I encourage you to  find the strength  to keep going. There will be dreadful downpours–they may even happen on the days you expected to celebrate–but if you don’t allow unrealistic expectations to cloud your vision, you will eventually see that every type of  beauty finds its strength  by persevering through the damp and dreary days. 

And let us not grow weary while doing good,
for in due season we shall reap 
if we do not lose heart. -Galatians 6:9

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Do Ashes Cover your Beauty?

My nieces were leaning on the edges of their seats, intrigued by the age-old story of Cinderella. My daughter was playing the role of the mistreated orphan who didn’t give up when life dealt her difficulties. Watching her performance through the eyes of the children had me reminiscing of the days when Tori’s  dream of being a princess wasn’t a performance in a play.

Little girls aren’t ashamed of their desires.

Deep within every female heart is a desire not only  to catch the eye of a prince, but to leave behind their meaningless, unappreciated lives and live an adventure.  Remember when you once thought you would  play an irreplaceable role in a most wonderful life in a far away place?

I remember my daughter’s first “princes dress.” She loved to twirl around to show her daddy how  full and beautiful it was on her. It made me panic.

I was afraid my little girl was becoming vain, so I did as most people who witness such behavior would: I talked her right off of her high and mighty horse and back into reality. Modesty is a golden virtue, right?  It’s our job to train our children in the way they should go, and the chances of my kid  becoming a princess is quite slim, so as a mom I thought it wise to protect her from life’s disappointments!

Surely that’s what Cinderella’s stepmother was thinking as well.

As we grow up, we reason that our desires are childish.

I love that my teen still freely enjoys “twirling” for an audience. She has a gift for acting and singing. When I was young, I was embarrassed by my love for the arts. I guess I was more like Cinderella that my daughter is.

“Cinderella, your are so SELFISH! Mend my dress!”

As her family demanded she worked for their dreams–while throwing insults at her’s–Cinderella was forgetting who she was designed to be. Like the filthy soot that covered her beautiful face, she allowed her burnt-out dreams–the cinders–to cover her identity. Her real name was Ella.

We cannot accomplish big dreams with squelched desires

We are all tempted to give up on our dreams. We also  have the option of pressing through life's oppositions  toward success. The way you respond to that second option is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: Get the education; do the work (The Classic)

N: Stay optimistic and loyal; don’t give up (The Natural)

D: Creatively make it happen (The Dramatic)

I:  Tenaciously hold your ground (The Ingénue)

R: Considerately continue on; quietly accomplishing (The Romantic)

G: Work hard; fight to get it done. Now. (The Gamine)

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

Whether your dream is to  rule a nation or to have a happy family, you will only have the strength to accomplish it if you do not allow  the desire for it to burn out. Whichever way you or I respond to those who try to squelch our desires, we would all be wise to listen to the advice of the fairy god-mother, who says there are two morals to the story of Cinderella’s Glass Slipper:

  1. Be kinder and life will go well for you. Don’t act out of jealousy or be demanding like the stepsisters. You were dealt a certain hand; play with the cards you have. Forcing others to play your hand or to give your their’s is wrong. In the end, no one who cheats wins.
  2. If the shoe fits, wear it. Don’t cover your beauty with ashes. BE who you were designed to be.  A princess cannot lead well if she feels guilty for (or embarrassed by) her gifts, privileges and abilities.  Remember where you came from, or pride will  rob you of the joy of using your blessing to  bless others.

In the end, Cinderella figured out she was only beautiful when she became confident, so she washed off the ashes and put on her crown. Are you ready to do the same?

For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.  -Luke 12:48b

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Are You Confident in your Parenting Style?

There is no other role like that of being a mother. What an honor and privilege it is to mold the life of a child. There are a lot of powerful things we can do as women, but no accomplishment, position, friendship, or success could ever hold a candle to the power of the influence we have  over our kids (whether we gave birth to them or not).

I’m in the transitional years of motherhood, with one child on his own, one child still home and a middle child half-way there as a college student. He just returned home for the summer, which has me keenly aware of the fine line that we must walk between nurturing and nagging.

When our kids are little, the things we did for them were nurturing, but as they grow independent, those same acts of love–like making their meals, washing their clothes, tucking them in–could be considered threats. Their growing independence doesn’t want to be told what to do anymore and if we are not careful to respect that, we can easily lead them into rebellion. I know; I did that with my first child. I did not recognize when my role was changing. As he was “testing his oats” I was taking responsibilty for his choices. Instead of allowing experience to help me guide him as a young adult, I allowed fear of failure to send me into panic when he made poor choices. In fact, because his choices were so drasticly dangerous, I went into a bit of a crisis as a mom and as a woman. Honestly, I was the one who needed to grow up.

Every mom has her strengths and any strength out of proportion becomes a weaknesses. Recognizing the power of our influence over our children is key to becoming a confident mother who can truly nurture her child throughout each stage of their lives. If we lack confidence, we are more likely to try to force on our children what we see is best for them.

The strengths you have to offer your children is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: wisdom, independence, education (The Classic)

N: Support, acceptance, encouragement (The Natural)

D: Inspiration, motivation, discipline (The Dramatic)

I:  Encouragement, compassion, inspiration (The Ingénue)

R: Love, comfort, cookies  (The Romantic)

G: Protection, provision, motivation (The Gamine) 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

The difference between nurturing and nagging is confidence.

This morning as I was making my college kid’s lunch, I found myself walking that fine line. I’m concerned about his health and want to “nurture” him while he’s here, but I know that my suggestions can become “nagging” and he won’t hear a word I say. He survived nine months of school without me constantly suggesting he make “good choices” and “eat healthy” yet I still felt compelled to nag him, “take your lunch, honey…”  I know, now, however, that  my loving concern for his diet, would only be rejected by his frustration at my apparent lack of confidence in him.

The truth is, the place I really lacked confidence in, was in myself.

I’ve lost a child; the fear of losing another can make me very insecure. I’ve been ensnared with the devastation, disfunction and fears of having one child choose drugs; the desire to control all them has made me obsessed. It’s hard to have confidence when things have gone so drastically wrong; but it’s even harder to strive for confidence.

Confidence is a choice.

I almost didn’t make that lunch this morning, because I still fear rejection, but I made it anyway but I left it  on the counter and let him know it was there if he wanted a home cooked meal. I think I found the fine line because I have a peace that isn’t concerned with what he decides. My confidence is not in him or in my parenting style. It is in the fact that God has carried my family through extreme difficulties and He will take care of us no matter what else comes our way.  Maybe I have finally  grown up.

No matter how old our kids get, they still need love and nurturing, but we must respect that they receive it differently. This Mother’s Day let’s be confident in the influence we have over our children , being careful to use our strengths as an  encouragement not a frustration. If your child is in a rebellious season, I encourage you to remain confident that  you have taught them well and that  God will complete the work He has begun in them. He is able to  make even the ugliest of circumstances beautiful. May you, too, find the joy and peace of letting go.

For the Lord will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught. –Proverbs 3:26 NKJV

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.