In every conversation, every glance your way, each test you take or act you perform, there will always be the nagging questions about your identity, purpose, power and value:
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Am I enough? Am I too much?
Does my life even matter?
These questions about our significance may be subtle and somewhat silent or they may consume us with their torment. The intensity of their demands for answers may ebb and flow, within certain seasons of our lives. Without a doubt, they are strongest when we are suffering with low self-esteem, but even on days when we highly-esteem ourselves, our nature is to solicit confirmation of our worth.
Only love satisfies the search for significance.
When you are loved, you feel accepted; you belong to someone who has placed value on you. Accepting love helps you recognize your worth.
Of course, we all have the right to reject love.
It’s harder to accept love after experiencing rejection.
It took me awhile to accept anyone’s love after my first husband left me. I interpreted every offering of affirmation or assistance as more rejection.
“You’re just saying that because I’m a throw-away-wife.”
Instead of receiving the love of others, I was rejecting it and receiving my husband’s rejection (over and over) instead.
What we receive from others is really our choice of interpretation.
Does your worth dissolve when someone you love rejects you?
It sure feels that way, doesn’t it?
Parents are supposed to love their children.
Husbands are supposed to love their wives.
Family is supposed to stick together though the good, bad and the ugly.
When they don’t, it is easy to interpret that as our failure, not theirs.
Family is where we find our identity. It’s where we belong.
I was fortunate. I had my immediate family to fall back on when my marriage fell apart. My husband’s rejection devastated my home, but I had a foundation of love that held together. Eventually, I went back to the basics and re-discovered my significance in my upbringing. Through my trial, I began to understand the Truth of what I had been taught of the unfailing love of God.
Innocent love is beautiful: a child who believes she belongs and is free to be herself.
Young romantic love is giddy and joyful: a new bride who has found herself is consumed with her purpose and power to please someone who loves her in return.
No wonder it is so painful when the reality of imperfection sets in. Imperfect love hurts deeply because it tells us we are not accepted.
We are no longer sure of who we are or what our purpose is.
Surely I am not enough… or maybe I am too much.
Rejection causes us to question our worth.
If you are struggling with the rejection of someone you love, I encourage you to consider where your confidence lies. Families are full of people, and people will always fail us because they, too, are working out their salvation. Don’t accept their rejection as your identity; instead accept the unconditional love of God and do the best you can to reflect back to them His example. Jesus is only One human who was perfect. Put your confidence in the fact that He paid the price for all sin and shame. He is the only One who will ever love us perfectly. When we accept His love, our foundation is strong enough to stand in anyone else’s painful imperfections.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others struggling. If you want to make difference, too, would you become part of this movement and connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.