How Discomfort Creates Confidence

If you have ever been in an uncomfortable situation, you know that your confidence is the first thing affected. Think about the last time you found yourself shaking in your boots. What made you feel self-conscious, was it when:

  • You were physically, emotionally or spiritually challenged?
  • You received personal, unwanted feedback regarding something you need to improve?
  • You did, said or dressed inappropriately?

There will always be times in our lives when we step out–or are pushed out–of our comfort zone. The key to success is embracing these times so that they create something new in us instead of squelching us. Last week I shared with you how my new assistant coaching position has challenged my confidence. I wish I could say I have it all figured out now and I’m feeling like a Confident Beauty. But I haven’t, and I don’t. But I am loving the challenge. It’s physically strenuous, emotionally daunting and honestly spiritually challenging (my pride is really struggling!). I’m definitely not the victor in all arenas, but I have to say, I think this is the first time in my life that I have the upper hand in the mental battle.

Head-talk creates change.

After allowing discouragement to rock my world so many times in my life, I cannot blog enough about how much better life is when we take control of our own thoughts. None of us love the discomfort zone, but let’s think about what it produces.

  • When we take on the challenged to do something new (or more), we create a new ability or strength.
  • When we accept constructive criticism, we create new perception and understanding of ourselves.
  • When we mess up, we create an opportunity to experience grace and forgiveness and we learn from our experience.

Heart-talk changes everything.

Of course, we all know we should listen to constructive criticism, but until we believe it in our hearts, we will still struggle with confidence when challenged by it. When a close friend tells you you have food in your teeth do you panic at the thought of who you’ve seen since you last ate? Most of us say we want “feedback” but in reality, our hearts can’t handle the truth. Unless, of course, we have a strong heart who knows who she is.

Exercise creates physical strength, discomfort creates confidence. 

exercise-841167_640It’s been years since I’ve exercised for hours on end like I have been these past two weeks. In fact, it’s been nearly two years since I’ve used my right shoulder much at all. Yet each day I get stronger.

The emotional discomfort has also been challenging, too, but my heart is in better shape since I’ve been “working out” through many Confidence Conflicts.

I imagine that if my heart was still cautious, fearful, dejected and weak I wouldn’t have even considered coaching a team of beautiful teens. Perhaps I might have taken on the challenge in recent years–while I was practicing good head-talk. In fact, I may even have lasted a little while, because there is power in positive thinking. But until recently, my head-talk was still all about performance. Thinking positive takes so much mental energy, that trying to do it during physical strain can be exhausting!

Head-talk comes easy when your heart-talk is healthy

In  order to perform well on all levels, we must get the heart right.

Let’s say you forgot to research the formality of an event you are going to and you walk in to a crowd of people staring at you because you are all decked out. What do you do? 

C: Tell them you are just stopping by before another formal event.
N: nothing, because there’s no way this would happen to you. You’re over dressed for any event.
D: Make a joke, enjoy the spotlight.
I: Discreetly kick of your heels and enjoy the night.
R: Smile pretty and find someone to talk one on one with. you overdress all the time, but you don’t like the spotlight.
G: Get angry, point out who confused you or maybe even leave.

Note: These choices represent the typical responses of each Image Identity. Click the letter to learn more about that style, including What2Wear.

Confidence isn’t developed quickly or easily. It takes time, lots of practice and much resistance to strengthen us into who we are meant to BE. Don’t grow weary when life is difficult. Give yourself the same grace that God gave all of us. In time, your thoughts, actions, (and image!) will come straight from a confident heart that is comfortable with who she is–even with all her beautiful imperfections.


As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitterLinked InGoodreads.

For ideas of What2Wear, find her on Pinterest where there’s a board for each personal style (Img.ID).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *