You thought your house was clean, and then that surprise visitor stops by. Suddenly you see the dust and details that you had overlooked in the home where you feel so comfortable. If you have had this experience, you are not alone. Even when we prepare for company, and we think our place looks great, showing a guest around changes our perspective because we begin to see things through someone else’s eyes.
Familiarity breads complacency. We dream about owning a home one day and the day we move in we are overjoyed with our accomplishment. But soon our contentment grows complacent. As things begin to wear, we may not even notice–until someone stops by to see the house. That’s when we speak out the all-too-familiar line, “please don’t mind the…” and point out the very thing that never really bothered us before but mysteriously embarrasses us now.
Why do we do that? Our friend may never have noticed that the door hinge was loose or that our child colored on the wall, but there we go making sure they see it. When someone does that to you, what do you say? Awkward, right? So why do that to others? A house is meant to be lived in. Hinges get old, walls get marked, it doesn’t have to become a Confidence Conflict, does it?
So what if you gained a little weight, lost a tooth, got a pimple? Does anyone else really notice when your hair begins to change color or your skin starts to thin out? Maybe. But what do you think about the changes in your friends when you see them? Mysterious, right? It’s kind of a bonding feeling to grow old with friends. I know when I see a friend after some time and she has gained weight or gotten old, I think of it like battle scars and it makes me wonder what she has been through and it makes me respect her more.
Well that’s what your friends are thinking about you. (Unless they are in a Beauty Battle themselves, then they may be thinking, “oh good, she’s getting old, too!”) So don’t point out your flaws, all it does is make those around you feel awkward as they try to find something to say to help ease your Image Issue while simultaneously battling their own thoughts about how they, too, have gained weight and surely you must think they are a complete mess if you think your 5 pounds is such a big deal!
Oh boy, this is not what I intended to blog about today, but I have a feeling someone needed it, because most women I know are guilty of pointing out their flaws. And the ones who don’t are just better at keeping silent with the same self-condemning thoughts. How do I know this? Because almost every time I tell a woman that I am an image coach it’s as if I was a surprise visitor at her door and she is suddenly apologizing for her imperfections.
If you find yourself apologizing for your flaws, please stop. Your friends want to be around you, not a perfect image of you. Just be your beautiful, imperfect self. This is the best way to find (and empower others with) true confidence. When you are okay with being imperfect, your friends (and daughters!) have permission to be imperfect, too. BE and LET BE.
Catrina Welch an “Image consultant without the shopping obsession.” Her passion is to help women and girls overcome confidence conflicts by unveiling the power and purpose of their personal Image Identity (Img.ID) and teaching them to accentuate their authentic beauty so they can forget about their appearance and think about others. Please consider her as a speaker for your next event. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads.