Tag Archives: beauty battle

Removing the Tags from the Garments of Your Identity

IMG_1363“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

The blind passion between Romeo and Juliet may have lead to tragedy, but this famous quote from William Shakespeare’s beautiful play made a valid point.

Yes, we may be a product or our heritage, highly influenced by our environment and persuaded by our temperament, but the truth is: there are times in life when it is appropriate to remove the tags from the garments of our identity.

While it is wise to read the label on a blouse you wish to purchase, once you Continue reading Removing the Tags from the Garments of Your Identity

Our Chaotic Responses to Compliments

“YOU are ADORABLE!”

These are the words we hear as little girls. Or new brides.  And perhaps again when we are pregnant and “glowing” or dressed up for a special occasion.

“Thank you” would be the proper response, but tell us we look good when we don’t feel lovely and an inner struggle emerges. We may try to act confident–and end up something prideful or arrogant; or we may reject your words rudely… or ever so politely.

Violinist in ViolaceousI was pregnant and alone when I received the most compliments in my life. Talk about chaotic responses! I desperately wanted to receive the encouragement being offered but, instead, the rejection that had wounded my heart was screaming out words far more believable. “If I were really that adorable, my husband wouldn’t have thrown me away like a used rag.” “They are just saying that because they know I am a pathetic looser.”

I cringe to write those statements, because I now understand that no child of God should bash herself just because someone else’s humanity injured her. No insults or rejections of an imperfect people should have the authority to form our identity! But we let them.

It took me a long time to find my worth after facing broken vows. I still struggle to believe I am valued; who doesn’t? But just as one rejection caused me to throw out the confidence that good parents had instilled in me, it also only took one affirmation to bring it back.

No, it wasn’t my next husband’s.

Although he is a wonderful man and I wouldn’t change him for the world, I have learned (well, am learning) not to give man the authority to form my identity. No human is a good mirror. We were designed to reflect the One who created us and only His opinion has the authority to give us true confidence.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If you are longing to move on from the hurts from your past and be released from the struggle for your identity, I encourage you to simply ask God what He thinks of you. If you will watch, wait and listen, He will answer, and when He does, trust His opinion, value it over all others, and allow it to be your source of confidence and beauty.

*****

Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with overcoming rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

 

My Struggle with Confident Beauty

My whole world was rocked the day my first husband left me. 

Pregnant and alone, his betrayal made me feel ugly, unwanted and self-conscious.

Before then, even though I was a hairdresser, I never really focused on my own appearance because, honestly, I was afraid of being shallow or vain. Suddenly it was a struggle to stand in front of a mirror all day; I became extremely aware of my image.

People sensed my lack of confidence, and since it’s easy to tell a pregnant woman she is beautiful–especially when they knew I was rejected by the man I adored–they told me,

“You’re adorable!” But what resounded in my mind was, “they know you are a throw-away-wife.”

I craved their compliments anyway–especially after my status changed to “single mom” and they were silenced because my big belly was no longer “cute”– so, I set out on a mission to prove myself worthy of attention again. After all, I knew all the tricks of the trade, I was a licensed cosmetologist:

the hair
the nails
the makeup and spa treatments.

but nothing changed how I felt about myself on the inside.

Cover ConfidentBeauty CVR-LGI call that time in my life the Beauty Battle.

Every woman faces an emotional battle over how she looks at some point in her life. But I didn’t know that, because not every woman handles her confidence conflicts the same way that I did.

I was striving for beauty, but some women hide under oversized sweatshirts, tattoos, or heavy makeup. Others de-value or laugh-off their pain, still others use stimulants, shut down their hearts, work real hard, or focus on everyone else’s needs but their own.

Some women get stuck in the battle with no weapon to fight. They may be determined, defeated, desolate or desperate but, like me, without confidence no matter how well she does her makeup, it’s not pretty.

Maybe you have someone in your life suffering like that and you wish you understood them?

When that was me, I didn’t even understand myself. But, after becoming a certified image consultant, and learning the six styles of beauty I began to recognize that I wasn’t alone, other women felt rejection as deeply as I did simply because not all women are alike.

Not in their appearance,
Not in their dreams or desires.

Understanding this helped me to stop comparing myself to other women (especially the new wife…) in fact it changed my whole outlook on life–especially how I help my clients. While beauty may be something women will spend a lot of time and money on, when it comes to the deep longing in their heart, “only her hairdresser knows for sure.” It’s a hard topic for women to talk about.

That’s why I wrote about it in Confident Beauty; it’s easier to read.

If you know someone who is caught in the Beauty Battle, would you tell them about my book? 

There is hope, and every woman deserves to know there is a power and purpose for HER beauty, no matter which style she is!

 This weekend the ebook edition of Confident Beauty is on sale for only $1.99, so be sure to download it onto your favorite electronic reading device before Labor Day Weekend is over.

*****

 Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with overcoming rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

 

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Discovering Self-Confidence Takes Self-Discovery

Life is a journey in search for significance. Our innate desire to be valued is apparent as soon as we enter this world. Newborns thrive when they feel loved; a neglected baby suffers not only emotionally but physically. Each of us is born with a strong desire to know who we are. A child is like a thirsty sponge, soaking up knowledge through experience, words, actions or expectations. It is only natural that she assumes that what she learns is truth. One experience can develop an entire belief system before she is mature enough to reason whether it is true, tainted or opinionated. Unless she revisits what she believes she may not even realize she is basing that area of her life on a lie.

girl twirlA little girl is applauded for dancing in her dress-up clothes. She believes she is worthy of attention and decides she must demand it. Another girl is condemned for the same foolish and frivolous way of showing off. She becomes embarrassed by her desire to look lovely and decides not to be vulnerable again.
 
A young lady finds it easy to turn heads. She believe the attention she gets is her worth any sacrifice she needs to make. Another girl feels invisible, she decides that attempting to look good is a waste of time.
 

As we develop our individuality we need to decide: do we accept our belief system, or rebel against it? I think most of us do a mixture of both–especially when we are teens–and then eventually we settle on what we want to believe. Some of areas of our life are easier than others:

A new wife offers a meal that her husband does not like. His comments make her believe she is a bad cook, but she continues to do her best anyway.
 

Unless she is attacked personally or has a big dream in that area (i.e.. cooking), most insults don’t rock a mature woman’s confidence. Tell her she can’t clean and she might laugh. Tell her she looks old or ugly and she might cry… or fight, or shut down emotionally. Whatever her response–even if it is stuffed away and hidden from sight–it will be strong if the area is her beauty, and helping her sort out what she believes may take a bit more effort than telling her you were just joking.

If you have ever battled with emotions about your image, I encourage you to take a look at what you believe about yourself. Discovering self-confidence takes some serious self-discovery. Dare to be like a child again. You have mature reasoning now, maybe it’s time to let go of some of the decisions you made when you were younger. For help walking through these questions, be sure to check out my Bible Study on this topic, Supreme MakeOver, a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. 

*****

Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with overcoming rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Coming Out of the Closet

nose in airWomen with confident beauty are content with who they are. This does not mean that they have no need to improve, nor does it mean that there is nothing that they are ashamed of. In fact, they usually have a very good perspective of both their strengths and their weaknesses. Confidence is the ability to hold your head high without sticking your nose in the air. It’s all about balance.
Perhaps you are struggling with balance today. I struggle with it all the time and I help women with this struggle as well–especially when it comes time to go through their wardrobe! “Coming out of the closet” may be a term coined by those dealing with gender identity, but in my opinion it’s something we all need to do with our personal identity.
Your closet represents your true self. Sometimes what you wear is a facade, a false-identity. This doesn’t necessarily mean you are a phony, in fact it seldom does. Usually this simply means you are still trying to understand yourself, and if you are like the majority of our society, then you know this doesn’t just happen. But when it does, it is exhilarating. I experienced this liberation the day I was told my clothing personality, and enjoying the enthusiasm my clients have when they suddenly recognize their Img.ID is still my favorite part of being an image consultant.
Confidence is not just about how you look, it’s about coming out of the closet. I always loved fashion but was too shy to BE who I was designed to be. I wanted to wear all the makeup and accessories, but until I was told it was right for me I thought it was only for the beautiful (and vain!) girls. I’ve seen many women experience the opposite: they are relieved they do not have to wear all that “junk” once they know they are a casual beauty or they are thrilled to know they just need to add color or texture or lace…
Sometimes it takes a small glance inside your own heart to release you from all the expectations placed on you from men, media and mom.
Before we go any further with your wardrobe rehab, let me ask you the most important question of all:
Are you ready to come out of the closet and BE who you were designed to BE?
Well then, who are you?

  1. Classy, refined, proper, professional, calm, poised, warm, gracious, refined, polished, elegant, cultured, meticulous.
  2. Casual, unpretentious, conservative, practical, reliable, dependable, responsible, loyal.
  3. Exotic,unique, imaginative, independent, sophisticated, artsy, stylish, friendly, fun.
  4. Delicate, gentle, sweet, soft spoken, graceful, youthful, modest, shy, considerate, supportive.
  5. Glamorous, feminine, charming, sensitive, sympathetic, accommodating, sensual, alluring, glamorous, flirtatious.
  6. Bold, animated, fun, energetic, enthusiastic, opinionated, bold, bouncy, snappy, spunky, charmer.

*****

Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with overcoming rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

 

Perfect Pics and Body Image

Right after taking a class on Photoshop at a Geek Girl Tech Conference this weekend I was challenged with some questions about today’s media: Are they to blame for the fact that so many girls have image issues today?

girl looking at perfect beautyI don’t think so.

I agree that technology’s ability to correct figure flaws and imperfections can cause a girl to question her own beauty, but in reality, she would do that with or without perfect images on the magazine covers.

Should the media change the way they treat their models and torment their prospective buyers? Yea, probably, but I do not expect that they will be doing so anytime soon. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised that if in the near future there are very few live models. It is far too easy to digitize the pictures they want! Perhaps this will relieve some of the stress models go through in trying to keep their figures fine and their skin clear. If the photographer doesn’t like the size of her thighs he can easily “liquefy” them or just overlap a her legs with a stock photo.

As far as the self-esteem of our female culture, it seems to me that is working itself out, too. I mean, maybe we could get them to run a campaign like they did back in the day with cigarettes by placing the Surgeon General’s warning on all edited pictures (after all, most smokers go outside to light up now). It could read:  “Ladies, do not compare yourself to this model, she is actually overweight, has a large nose and is covered in cellulite and acne, just like you.” It may enlighten some like the “before” pictures did for my tech class.  But it seems to me that the next generation is very skeptical about believing anything they see anyway–they know how Photoshop works.

My favorite question was: If models didn’t exist, would girls still have low self-esteem and poor body image?

My answer: Well, Eve did.

Personally, I think the promiscuity in the media is far more of an issue than the perfection is. But that’s another topic for an other time (see my blog on Olympian Beauty for my opinion on that matter).  

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Finding a Gown that’s YOU

evening-dresses-and-formal-gowns-prom-homecoming-53634Proms and Weddings: Two big events that are important to the feminine heart. Young girls dreams of them; grown women reminisce of them even in old age. A big part of these dreams and the memories are greatly governed by the girl’s attire. This is why picking a gown is seldom a quick and easy process (unless, of course, that girl understands her Personal Image Identity guidelines).

By the time a bride makes a commitment to marriage she has a good idea of who she is and what she likes­­–or at least she should if she expects to live happily ever after.  Most prom girls, on the other hand, are still trying to find themselves during their junior or senior year of high school so they may be more apt to choose a dress that would look great on their girlfriend, but doesn’t flatter them at all. A young girl with a dream tends to have tenacity though, so given enough time–identity-crisis or not–and she will eventually find a dress that commands the statement, “that’s so you!”

Every girl should experience the thrill of knowing she looks good.  Women like to hear, “your dress is beautiful” or “I like your shoes” but you can be confident that you picked the right outfit when you hear, “you look beautiful in that!”  Some compliments represent the opinion and style of the one giving them, which can be empowering. But it can also be confusing. Prom girls tend to be in pursuit of validation and when they feel pressured by their peers to dress differently than their personal style (Img.ID) should they may not even know why they feeling awkward, out of place and phony. Unfortunately, girls that are not confident about their beauty tend to focus inwardly. Brides can get away with a selfish attitude (though her guest may consider her a “Bridezilla”) because her wedding is supposed to be all about her. But put a group of prom girls together who are feeling insecure, with all the focus on how they look, and the memories they make may not be ones they want to reminisce about.

If you are preparing for a big event in your life, be sure to choose attire that represents your character well. If you don’t know your Img.ID be sure to take my complimentary image assessment test so that you can have the freedom to BE and LET BE.

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Women are Like Flowers

floristFlowers were designed for beauty; so were women, but neither will share their fragrant appeal with the world if they are not cared for properly. A florist would be a fool if he treated all his flowers alike.

I love to teach women “what not to wear” but I am far more passionate about helping them Know Who They Are and how to care for their heart so that their beauty doesn’t wilt like flowers do.

Some types of flowers are more sensitive than others. If you mistreat an Orchid it will drop it’s flowers and leave you with shriveled leaves and an empty stem. Some women (especially those with the Ingénue, Romantic or Dramatic Img.IDs) will shut down on those who mistreat them. This doesn’t mean they are defeated permanently, but they will need a sabbatical until they can find their strength to flourish again.

Not all women shut down when they are hurt; some fight back. Actually, any Img.ID will return fire when she needs to, but some put up a guard–like a rose, which protects it’s beauty with thorns–just in case someone tries to hurt her. This can be the Classic’s tendency. A Gamine, on the other hand, is free-hearted until she is treated wrongfully–or even worse, someone she loves is hurt–then she is fierce about making sure that justice is served. I liken her to the Calla Lilly, which might not have the sweetest aroma, but wow does this bold beauty add excitement (and color) to life!

The Natural Img.ID isn’t sensitive or guarded, which is why I liken this carefree woman to a wild flower, which really doesn’t need a florist to bring out her beauty. Her casual image doesn’t need a consultant like me either, but her heart does. Because,like the rest of us, she feels the pressures from men, media and her mom. As much as it may seem that annualizing a woman’s beauty is like putting her in a box, in actuality, it liberates her to BE who she was designed to be.

If you are feeling pressured to emulate a style that doesn’t suit you, or to respond to life differently than you want to, maybe it’s time to break free from what holds you back from being your best. If you would like to know your Img.ID, be sure to take my assessment quiz.

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Confidence Never Fully Ripens

AttitudeI have faced a number of harsh Confidence Conflicts this week. I sometimes wish I had never named my new book Confident Beauty, because it is a constant reminder that if I wrote the book on it, I better be it! Some things are easier taught than lived. Confidence is an emotion more than it is a character trait and on the days we don’t feel loved we must make it a choice. Beauty is fleeting, and on the days we feel ugly, we must remember that imperfection and vulnerability is more inviting than perfection.

As I sit to write this blog, it is vulnerability that I find myself wrestling with. “I don’t want to put my heart out there anymore! Who am I to try and encourage others anyway? Right now I feel despised and defeated and I just want to hide–or prove myself–and neither of those attitudes portray confidence or beauty.”

I hate to admit it, but I know the right thing to do.

I’ve been in this place so many times that I would be a fool to deny God’s heart toward me (and you!). “My child, it’s not about you having your act together, it’s about Me helping you in the process of maturing and you inspiring others with your growth. When you think your fruit is ripe, you become prideful. After ripe comes rot. Do not forget the heart’s struggle with what you have been called to teach or your efforts to help others will be as a resounding gong and a clanging symbol. Spoiled fruit makes people sick.”

A good teacher must remain a student; I get that. True confidence never ripens completely, or it becomes arrogance. So once again, I swallow some humble pie and tell the World Wide Web what am I still struggle to learn:

  • When people fail you, keep doing what is right.
  • When they judge you, remember they are not your mirrors.
  • When you feel down and discouraged worship the One Who loves you unconditionally.
  • And don’t forget, He loves them unconditionally, too.

 Jesus, I can’t understand how your love for us can be so deep that you would suffer a brutal death to pay for our sin. I’m sorry for hurting those that hurt me. Please forgive me and fill me with your love so that I can be more like you. Thank you that I can be confident in Your grace, which is more than enough to sustain me in my weaknesses. Amen.

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

 

Beautiful Trophy

20140216-160001.jpgA beautiful girl walks into the room and all heads turn to spontaneously (and often subconsciously) do a quick assessment of confidence–the woman’s and their own.

“Wow, she is beautiful. She must have her act together. She’s so powerful; I bet she is popular, successful…”

Most spectators assume that a beautiful girl is confident and their decision to say, “hello” or not is dependent on their own level of confidence.

If, however, she is flaunting her beauty, the female spectators tend to assume that she is conceited, and ironically, they will snub her. Men, on the other hand, may gawk a bit at the girl’s immodest beauty but you may be surprised by their assumption.

Teens, please take note of this: Men tell us that we are hard to understand, but they are complicated too! They give one impression by gazing at your beauty, but “the purpose of a man’s heart are deep waters…” (Prover 20:5) Trust me, it is far more rewarding to impress a man’s heart than his eyes. Any girl can turn a guy’s head but what is running through his mind?

“Wow!”  “humm… Is she looking for attention? Do I want to give her mine?”

A girl flaunting her beauty (and body) appears to be more concerned with herself (and how she looks) than she is with others. The male spectators assume that she is insecure and are as impressed with her as they are with fireworks.

“Nice!” “What’s next?”

If you are looking for lasting love, you may find a good guy by “strutting your stuff” but more than likely he will be on a mission to help you feel more secure. Unfortunately, the majority of guys attracted to immodest beauty are insecure themselves and they prey on beautiful “trophies” to make them feel more confident.
Every girl wants to be a guy’s pride and joy, but if you freely give your beauty away without respecting yourself, you may soon be collecting dust on a shelf while he goes after his next trophy.

A girl with Confident Beauty does not ask for attention–she gives it and patiently waits to reap what she has sown.

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com