The start of a new year is a great time to reflect and reset. As you reflect on 2017, do you recognize the changes in your life? Surely there were some good and some bad experiences. Perhaps your character was strengthened; maybe your hope was defeated. Was your patience tested, your confidence challenged? How did these thing affect your how you feel about yourself? Experiences are a big influence in our identity, but they do not need to define us. Perhaps this is why I love new beginnings so much. There have been many times in my life when I have allowed experiences in my life to become who I was.
After experiencing a divorce, I took the identity of “throw away wife” and was not able to build another healthy relationship until I was able to find the truth about who I was.
Some experiences require an identity check in order to move on. It is not wise to risk your heart for a future relationship (or job, location, etc) when it is still wounded from a past one. We have a choice in how experiences affect us. They can defeat us and deter us from growth, or they can become our personal exercise program as we work through the difficulty and become stronger for it. Continue reading 3 Questions to Reset your New Year→
How many Christmas pageants, plays or recitals did you go to this year? Children add so much life to this season, don’t they? It doesn’t matter if their costumes are professional or pathetic, when a child is on a stage being recognized, it is beautiful.
Or at least entertaining.
A few children who play their part with a calm, strong confidence can make a silly program truly impressive, but the children who are timid, shy and awkward–or the ones who are boisterous and showing off–are still adorable.
When children have the guts to get up on a stage, we have grace for their fears, and when they get up there and enjoy themselves, we give them the right to be proud of what they were doing. The older we get, however, the less leeway we have between timidity and arrogance. Continue reading Confident About the Beauty of Christmas→
A little girl had dream to become a gardener. She loved the many shapes, sizes and textures of flowers and wanted to grow them herself. It can’t be that difficult, she thought. “I will keep them in rich soil, make sure they get lots of sun and water them every day.”
It didn’t take long before she realized she couldn’t treat all flowers the same, so she began to educate herself on the many types of flowers and their various needs. Quickly she became overwhelmed, “There are too much to learn, this is complicated. I can’t remember all their names and what to do. I will just pick my favorites and focus on them.”
Are you overwhelmed?
This blog is dedicated to all the girls and women who want to learn about clothing personalities, but just can’t get their mind around it.
“Forget it! Who cares which style I am? I will dress however I want to dress!”
If you have said this, but were then unsure how you want to dress because when you put on clothes you chose, you feel uncomfortable, awkward and phony. My advice:
Figure out your style, make that your favorite and focus on that.
“Picking a favorite” is really not hard for most women, because most women are only one clothing personality, but for those of us who have a combination Img.ID, discovering which style you really like can be complicated. My advice to you?
First figure out if you are one style or two.
You know you are a combination Img.ID if:
1.You have the physical attributes of two clothing personalities. Do you have the facial features of a Natural, but are not tall? Or are you very tall, but have a turned up nose like a Gamine? You are more than likely a combination Img.ID
3.You have the physical appearance of one style and a strong agreement with the preferences of different style. Do you have the physical attributes of one clothing personality, but your only desire is to look or act like another style? You may very well have been raised by a strong woman who you feel you must emulate. You have two options: be set free from your oppression and BE who you were designed to be, or find a way to blend the two styles so that your appearance reflects your authentic heart.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others who are struggling. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads Click the butterfly image or visit http://catrinawelch.com to learn more about my Supreme MakeOver Image Assessment events.
After 33 years of helping women with Image Issues, I have come to the conclusion that there are the three reasons that the Beauty Battle is bigger for some than it is for others:
Some people are raised in an environment that challenges their authentic style and confuses their ideology (like the Ugly Duckling we have been discussing the last few weeks).
Some styles are more sensitive than others. Passionate people feel things more deeply than those who are less excitable, therefore, Image Issues can be a bigger battle for them to overcome emotionally.
Some Img.IDs have an internal conflict within themselves in areas that make image an issue before they even enter the Beauty Battle.
Consider the sensitive Img.IDs:
Ingénue, the Delicate Beauty, who has a sweet, gentle, youthful appearance and personality. Before any man mistreats her or girlfriend insults her, she already has a conflict going on with her image. Her petite frame and high voice give a false impression that often conflicts with her strong, creative and intellectual character. She has a deep concern for other people, yet her compassion is often belittled and rejected because people assume she is far to young and inexperienced to have anything to offer. When an Ingénue faces a Beauty Battle, she often fights with herself rather than her opponent. A common war plan for this girl is to try to look older and tougher. Unfortunately, this often gets her caught in a cycle of pushing people away and punishing herself as the lies of misunderstanding and rejection go deeper and deeper.
Dramatic, the Exotic Beauty, who is enthusiastic and expressive and rather intimidating to those she towers over. Because of her natural inclination to detail, her appearance and work ethic give the impression that she has it all together, but in her striving for excellence she seldom sees herself the way others see her. She sees the fine, unfinished details, others see the finished parts. Unfortunately, she may read the tension others feel around her as their rejection of her. She is often completely unaware that her high standards are causing the threat. If she does recognize this, she may decide to “play it down” and then find herself feeling restricted and frustrated.
Romantic, the Glamorous Beauty, who has a gentle, compassionate appearance and personality. This woman cares deeply about others but has a hard time giving herself the attention she gives others. It’s important to her that others feel comfortable and loved, yet she seldom loves herself, which is (ironically) what often makes others uncomfortable around her.
Consider the combination Img.IDs.
For those whose Img.ID consists of two styles there may be areas where those styles contradict each other causing minor–or major–Image Issues.
Some styles prioritize fashion, others comfort; some peace, others justice; some privacy, others publicity.
I would say it is about half of the women I have analyzed have the Img.ID of one style the other half have two styles and about half of those have a major conflict within those two styles. If this is you, this is no cause for alarm; it only means that you have some self-discovery to do so that you can find peace and learn to blend those two styles in a way that honestly represents your authentic nature.
The Beauty Battle is emotional, spiritual, physical and logical.
It’s no secret that I think a big part of the emotional Beauty Battle is spiritual warfare. I believe that there is an enemy of God who hates the fact that a woman’s beauty is a reflection of Him, so he sets traps before us to make us HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on how we look. When we are preoccupied with ourselves, we do not glorify God, we do not find peace and we do not encourage each other.
It takes time to settle things in your spirit, but if you are willing to search your soul and learn from those who have gone before you and won the battle, you can become a woman of Confident Beauty, which is balanced and free.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. Please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads or consider having me speak at your next event.
One of the biggest push-backs I get as an image consultant comes from the fear of bing analyzed. It seems that many people assume that being told which style they are is like being put into a box. In truth, however, knowing which “box” you fit into breaks the walls that can hold you back from being true to yourself–like the Ugly Duckling that I blogged about last week.
Many of us are brought up in a culture that confines us to the definition of beauty that our influencers hold us to. It may be that your mom likes things done “properly” but you don’t notice details and feel as if you just didn’t meet the standard set before you.
Maybe you do care about details and love to make things beautiful, but your family does not. Perhaps they belittled you for your concerns and to this day you hold back from being a woman of excellence because you feel as if it is selfish or prideful?
The primary factor in determining your Personal Image Identity (Img.ID) is your physical appearance. Just as a rose by any other name is still a rose, so are you the style of beauty that your physical attributes indicate that you are. Anyone could say that a rose is just a flower, or they could call it ugly, old, deformed or anything else, but it is still a rose.
People may point out your commonality, or they may critique your every attribute, but when you get down to the core of who you are, the truth is, you are beautiful.
Every flower is beautiful, no matter which species, whether it is budding or beginning to dry out. It doesn’t matter its size or color. This is also true of you. You may feel as if you are too old, have gained too much weight, or hate your coloring, but you are still beautiful. People may have told you that your nose is too big or picked on your differences, but focus on anything too closely and you may miss it’s beauty, too. In order to make peace with your beauty, you must take a step back and focus on the bigger picture. Continue reading Do you Feel Like an Ugly Duckling?→
You are invited to a formal event. How does your heart respond? Some women (and men) enjoy dressing up and socializing. Others feel quite the opposite.
The way you respond to certain lifestyle choices has a lot to say about which style of beauty (or attractive) you are. While your physical attributes are the major indicator of which of the six styles (your personal image identity or Img.ID) you are, your personal preferences are the confirmation. If your physical style does not fall in line with your personal preferences, then you likely have a secondary style or you are in the midst of a Beauty Battle.
A number of factors come into play when it comes to our personal preferences. The culture, economy and standards of our formative years are certainly strong influences on how we feel about certain lifestyle choices, especially if we have a compliant nature. It is natural to choose that which we are comfortable with, but sometimes we follow the examples set before us without even considering other options because it is all we know. Continue reading Take this LifeSTYLE Quiz→
Obnoxious blemishes have a way of rearing their ugly head at crucial times in life–not only in adolescence! Consider that important event in your life when you woke up to a big zit between your eyes. Why is it the photo-op days when they suddenly appear to taunt us?
Stress causes acne
Emotional stress can cause the oil glands to be more active.
Physical stress (including hormones, diets, circumstances and genetics) are major contributors to break outs.
Stylish, by definition, is trendy, modern, fashionable, sophisticated, elegant, glamorous.
When someone or something is “stylish” it captivates our hearts and attracts our attention. A woman is considered stylish if she follows fashion and gives attention to the details of her makeup, hair and nails. A home is considered stylish if the details and finish are exquisite and up to date.
When did the quest to find yourself begin? Did you know who you were as a little girl? Did you discover your true identity in High school? Did your passion, purpose and personality suddenly reveal itself, or was it a progressive unveiling?
Who am I?
Most of us question our identity throughout our lives. We begin by roleplaying with our Barbie dolls and continue testing and attempting various attitudes and approaches throughout adolescence. As we try various sports, arts, hobbies and studies. Slowly we discover our likes and dislikes.
As we mature, we learn to relate to others and begin to solidify our opinions and interests, but many of us continue to “play house” well into the season of managing one for real, because we still have not found peace with our true self. Continue reading Making Peace with your Style→
I love to people watch this time of year. It’s easy to tell who is holding onto Summer and who is enjoying the Fall. It’s especially fun to see those who are eager for Winter–I saw “one of those” last night, in her high boots and thick sweater. I let out a little chuckle when she walked by. It hit me funny since I had been walking barefoot on the beach in shorts and a tank top just a few hours earlier. As I looked around at all the other people who were wishing they had prepared for the temperature drop. I was glad I had changed!
Does this fluctuating weather represent your life like it does mine? One minute it I feel the warmth of all the wonderful things that are happening. The next moment I’m chilled to the bone with the difficulties that I am facing. I’ve been here before. In fact, I’ve been facing the challenges of my son’s addiction for many years now. Continue reading Changing Emotional Outfits→
Ambitious. Hard-working. Multi-tasking–these words describe most women in today’s culture. Dreamers, with great desires for ourselves and our families. We are strong and courageous and are willing to give up so that others can get.
Women are influential
As emotional and relational beings, our mood sets the atmosphere around us. When we are peaceful, others relax. When we are joyful, others enjoy themselves. We should not underestimate the power of our presence because, when we recognize our influence, we can make a difference in our world.
We have the ability to create a beautiful environment in our homes for our marriage to flourish and our children to blossom. We have it in us to become self-disciplined, and to discipline our children well and train them in the way they should go. When we build on our strengths and overcome our weaknesses, we increase our sphere of influence (as big or small as that may be) because women who are confident enough to bless others are women who people want to be around. Continue reading Are you Influential?→