Many factors have made me hyper-sensitive to family dynamics recently: My pastor has been preaching a series on relationships, I am preparing for a mother / daughter event, I am finishing up a child’s book about the six styles of children, and most significantly, cancer has invaded my strong, influential father and I am getting a lot of extra time with my extended family as we all join efforts in helping my parents through the fight of a life-time.
How wonderful and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in harmony! ~Psalm 133:1
When is the last time someone said something encouraging to you as a person?
You are very good at that.
You are so strong!
You are beautiful.
I hope it was this morning that someone validated you as a person, but I know that in reality it may have been a long time since you have heard a positive statement about your looks, strengths or qualities. For some reason, most of us hold back from “speaking life” over each other.
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!-Deuteronomy 30:19
Not all Confidence Conflicts are Beauty Battles. Attacks on our identity come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Most of these conflicts are mountains–whether we made them out of molehills or not.
Nineteen years ago today, my husband and I faced one of our biggest mountains: the loss of our daughter.
Grief is a very real and very difficult Confidence Conflict, which leaves you feeling small and overwhelmed. Emotions are raw, vision is blurred and the path to peace is hard to find. There were many times during our journey when we lost our way, broke down, gave up or separated from each other emotionally. We did, however, make a decision to reunite and help each other over the mountain of grief. Eventually we found our way through the woods, but I don’t believe we would have made it to higher ground if we hadn’t called out to God for help. Continue reading Finding Strength in the Confidence Conflicts→
The Dramatic woman is just that: passionately expressive. Conversations with her are very deep and theatrically infused with emotional word-pictures. She’s a rather private person, but somehow doesn’t mind the spot light. In fact, many Dramatics take up their profession in the fine arts and are often found in the theaters or on television. These girls (and guys) put their whole heart into their performance and their long, lean physique is easy on the camera.
The Gamine Beauty is a strong, witty, hardworking, witty woman who is driven by justice. She has an eye for detail and a passion for purpose. No grass grows under her feet. If there is work to be done, the Gamine girl will get it done. Or she will tell someone to do it. If there’s fun to be had, you can’t hold her back there, either. “ALL IN” that’s the Gamine mantra.
There’s something very attractive about the innocence of a child. Just being around a joyful little girl enjoying her playtime can lift the dreariest of attitudes and encouraged the depressed. That’s what it’s like to be around a Confident Ingénue.
ingénue | ˌanjəˈno͞o, ˈänjəˌno͞o |
an innocent or unsophisticated young woman, especially in a play or film.
The start of a new year is a great time to reflect and reset. As you reflect on 2017, do you recognize the changes in your life? Surely there were some good and some bad experiences. Perhaps your character was strengthened; maybe your hope was defeated. Was your patience tested, your confidence challenged? How did these thing affect your how you feel about yourself? Experiences are a big influence in our identity, but they do not need to define us. Perhaps this is why I love new beginnings so much. There have been many times in my life when I have allowed experiences in my life to become who I was.
After experiencing a divorce, I took the identity of “throw away wife” and was not able to build another healthy relationship until I was able to find the truth about who I was.
Some experiences require an identity check in order to move on. It is not wise to risk your heart for a future relationship (or job, location, etc) when it is still wounded from a past one. We have a choice in how experiences affect us. They can defeat us and deter us from growth, or they can become our personal exercise program as we work through the difficulty and become stronger for it. Continue reading 3 Questions to Reset your New Year→
How many Christmas pageants, plays or recitals did you go to this year? Children add so much life to this season, don’t they? It doesn’t matter if their costumes are professional or pathetic, when a child is on a stage being recognized, it is beautiful.
Or at least entertaining.
A few children who play their part with a calm, strong confidence can make a silly program truly impressive, but the children who are timid, shy and awkward–or the ones who are boisterous and showing off–are still adorable.
When children have the guts to get up on a stage, we have grace for their fears, and when they get up there and enjoy themselves, we give them the right to be proud of what they were doing. The older we get, however, the less leeway we have between timidity and arrogance. Continue reading Confident About the Beauty of Christmas→
A little girl had dream to become a gardener. She loved the many shapes, sizes and textures of flowers and wanted to grow them herself. It can’t be that difficult, she thought. “I will keep them in rich soil, make sure they get lots of sun and water them every day.”
It didn’t take long before she realized she couldn’t treat all flowers the same, so she began to educate herself on the many types of flowers and their various needs. Quickly she became overwhelmed, “There are too much to learn, this is complicated. I can’t remember all their names and what to do. I will just pick my favorites and focus on them.”
Are you overwhelmed?
This blog is dedicated to all the girls and women who want to learn about clothing personalities, but just can’t get their mind around it.
“Forget it! Who cares which style I am? I will dress however I want to dress!”
If you have said this, but were then unsure how you want to dress because when you put on clothes you chose, you feel uncomfortable, awkward and phony. My advice:
Figure out your style, make that your favorite and focus on that.
“Picking a favorite” is really not hard for most women, because most women are only one clothing personality, but for those of us who have a combination Img.ID, discovering which style you really like can be complicated. My advice to you?
First figure out if you are one style or two.
You know you are a combination Img.ID if:
1.You have the physical attributes of two clothing personalities. Do you have the facial features of a Natural, but are not tall? Or are you very tall, but have a turned up nose like a Gamine? You are more than likely a combination Img.ID
3.You have the physical appearance of one style and a strong agreement with the preferences of different style. Do you have the physical attributes of one clothing personality, but your only desire is to look or act like another style? You may very well have been raised by a strong woman who you feel you must emulate. You have two options: be set free from your oppression and BE who you were designed to be, or find a way to blend the two styles so that your appearance reflects your authentic heart.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others who are struggling. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads Click the butterfly image or visit http://catrinawelch.com to learn more about my Supreme MakeOver Image Assessment events.
After 33 years of helping women with Image Issues, I have come to the conclusion that there are the three reasons that the Beauty Battle is bigger for some than it is for others:
Some people are raised in an environment that challenges their authentic style and confuses their ideology (like the Ugly Duckling we have been discussing the last few weeks).
Some styles are more sensitive than others. Passionate people feel things more deeply than those who are less excitable, therefore, Image Issues can be a bigger battle for them to overcome emotionally.
Some Img.IDs have an internal conflict within themselves in areas that make image an issue before they even enter the Beauty Battle.
Consider the sensitive Img.IDs:
Ingénue, the Delicate Beauty, who has a sweet, gentle, youthful appearance and personality. Before any man mistreats her or girlfriend insults her, she already has a conflict going on with her image. Her petite frame and high voice give a false impression that often conflicts with her strong, creative and intellectual character. She has a deep concern for other people, yet her compassion is often belittled and rejected because people assume she is far to young and inexperienced to have anything to offer. When an Ingénue faces a Beauty Battle, she often fights with herself rather than her opponent. A common war plan for this girl is to try to look older and tougher. Unfortunately, this often gets her caught in a cycle of pushing people away and punishing herself as the lies of misunderstanding and rejection go deeper and deeper.
Dramatic, the Exotic Beauty, who is enthusiastic and expressive and rather intimidating to those she towers over. Because of her natural inclination to detail, her appearance and work ethic give the impression that she has it all together, but in her striving for excellence she seldom sees herself the way others see her. She sees the fine, unfinished details, others see the finished parts. Unfortunately, she may read the tension others feel around her as their rejection of her. She is often completely unaware that her high standards are causing the threat. If she does recognize this, she may decide to “play it down” and then find herself feeling restricted and frustrated.
Romantic, the Glamorous Beauty, who has a gentle, compassionate appearance and personality. This woman cares deeply about others but has a hard time giving herself the attention she gives others. It’s important to her that others feel comfortable and loved, yet she seldom loves herself, which is (ironically) what often makes others uncomfortable around her.
Consider the combination Img.IDs.
For those whose Img.ID consists of two styles there may be areas where those styles contradict each other causing minor–or major–Image Issues.
Some styles prioritize fashion, others comfort; some peace, others justice; some privacy, others publicity.
I would say it is about half of the women I have analyzed have the Img.ID of one style the other half have two styles and about half of those have a major conflict within those two styles. If this is you, this is no cause for alarm; it only means that you have some self-discovery to do so that you can find peace and learn to blend those two styles in a way that honestly represents your authentic nature.
The Beauty Battle is emotional, spiritual, physical and logical.
It’s no secret that I think a big part of the emotional Beauty Battle is spiritual warfare. I believe that there is an enemy of God who hates the fact that a woman’s beauty is a reflection of Him, so he sets traps before us to make us HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on how we look. When we are preoccupied with ourselves, we do not glorify God, we do not find peace and we do not encourage each other.
It takes time to settle things in your spirit, but if you are willing to search your soul and learn from those who have gone before you and won the battle, you can become a woman of Confident Beauty, which is balanced and free.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. Please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads or consider having me speak at your next event.
One of the biggest push-backs I get as an image consultant comes from the fear of bing analyzed. It seems that many people assume that being told which style they are is like being put into a box. In truth, however, knowing which “box” you fit into breaks the walls that can hold you back from being true to yourself–like the Ugly Duckling that I blogged about last week.
Many of us are brought up in a culture that confines us to the definition of beauty that our influencers hold us to. It may be that your mom likes things done “properly” but you don’t notice details and feel as if you just didn’t meet the standard set before you.
Maybe you do care about details and love to make things beautiful, but your family does not. Perhaps they belittled you for your concerns and to this day you hold back from being a woman of excellence because you feel as if it is selfish or prideful?
The primary factor in determining your Personal Image Identity (Img.ID) is your physical appearance. Just as a rose by any other name is still a rose, so are you the style of beauty that your physical attributes indicate that you are. Anyone could say that a rose is just a flower, or they could call it ugly, old, deformed or anything else, but it is still a rose.
People may point out your commonality, or they may critique your every attribute, but when you get down to the core of who you are, the truth is, you are beautiful.
Every flower is beautiful, no matter which species, whether it is budding or beginning to dry out. It doesn’t matter its size or color. This is also true of you. You may feel as if you are too old, have gained too much weight, or hate your coloring, but you are still beautiful. People may have told you that your nose is too big or picked on your differences, but focus on anything too closely and you may miss it’s beauty, too. In order to make peace with your beauty, you must take a step back and focus on the bigger picture. Continue reading Do you Feel Like an Ugly Duckling?→