Tag Archives: confidence conflicts

The Secret to Confidence: Understanding Yourself

Every child wants to be loved. Little girls long to be seen and heard and to belong to something greater than themselves. We need to know we are valued. Boys do, too. They need adventure and challenge. They long to be strong and courageous and to be needed.

Yet we all have image issues at times. And some “times” last longer than others.

Am I lovely?

Am I strong?

Do I even matter in this world?

These questions must be affirmed if we are to to become a Confident Beauty.

Beauty Battle

A girl, or woman, who is struggling to find herself is facing what I call the Beauty Battle. It doesn’t matter what her image issue is, somehow it relates to beauty for us girls.

If I were prettier, I’d be more confident!

 

Know Who You Are

Guidelines for your Personal Image Identity

Overcoming the conflict is all about understanding yourself. You don’t have to become a supermodel to become confident. You just need to own your identity, appreciate your good qualities and respect your areas of weakness.

Perfection isn’t pretty anyway, so let it go!

Complications

Many boys and girls understand themselves quickly. It’s easier for some to know what they like, whereas some people ponder their preferences. If that’s you, don’t condemn your indecisiveness, try to figure out why the uncertainty.

Are you afraid to choose?

Do you like all the options?

In my experience, many people are afraid of making choices, but there is one style that has a very hard time knowing what she wants. The Ingénue. I used to think her indecisiveness was fear, but now realize it’s complacency. This non-judgmental, empathetic Delicate Beauty really does like all the options. It’s not that she is un-opinionated, it’s more that her heart is so compassionate that her opinion is usually approval.

This presents a few complications when it comes to her image.

Combinations

Many people (of all ages) grow old still not understanding themselves. Beth Moore tells us in her book So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us that most women don’t feel confident until they are in their sixties! In my experience, it is far harder for people with a combination personality (clothing or character) to understand themselves. Why? Because sometimes your own opinion conflicts with itself.

The underlying priority of your choices is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: Quality 
N: Practicality 
D: Excellence 
I: Concern 
R: Compassion
G: Fun  

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear. 

Follow this link to take the Img.ID quiz
https://catrinawelch.lpages.co/what-is-your-img-id

Maybe you are in the mist of a Beauty Battle, or maybe you left the battlefield wounded and insecure. I want to encourage you to take some time to understand yourself. One of the best ways to find healing is to realize the God who created you accepts you and to learn to accept yourself. If you have two personalities that fight with each other, find a way to balance them in a way that honors your true heart. BE who you were designed to be because, without a doubt, that is the way to be a true, Confident Beauty

*****

After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, my greatest passion is to use my training as a Biblical life-coach to inspire other women to overcome Confidence Conflicts like I have had to. If you liked this article, please connect with me on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In and Goodreads  or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

What is your Personal Presence?

Many factors have made me hyper-sensitive to family dynamics recently: My pastor has been preaching a series on relationships, I am preparing for a mother / daughter event, I am finishing up a child’s book about the six styles of children, and most significantly, cancer has invaded my strong, influential father and I am getting a lot of extra time with my extended family as we all join efforts in helping my parents through the fight of a life-time.

How wonderful and pleasant it is

    when brothers live together in harmony! ~Psalm 133:1

All these factors are teaching me three valuable lessons: Continue reading What is your Personal Presence?

Validation, Everyone Needs It

When is the last time someone said something encouraging to you as a person?

You are very good at that.

You are so strong!

You are beautiful.

I hope it was this morning that someone validated you as a person, but I know that in reality it may have been a long time since you have heard a positive statement about your looks, strengths or qualities. For some reason, most of us hold back from “speaking life” over each other.

“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!-Deuteronomy 30:19 

I was just making a bitmoji with my daughter. We were cracking up Continue reading Validation, Everyone Needs It

Finding Strength in the Confidence Conflicts

Not all Confidence Conflicts are Beauty Battles. Attacks on our identity come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Most of these conflicts are mountains–whether we made them out of molehills or not.

Nineteen years ago today, my husband and I faced one of our biggest mountains: the loss of our daughter.

Grief is a very real and very difficult Confidence Conflict, which leaves you feeling small and overwhelmed. Emotions are raw, vision is blurred and the path to peace is hard to find. There were many times during our journey when we lost our way, broke down, gave up or separated from each other emotionally. We did, however, make a decision to reunite and help each other over the mountain of grief. Eventually we found our way through the woods, but I don’t believe we would have made it to higher ground if we hadn’t called out to God for help. Continue reading Finding Strength in the Confidence Conflicts

What to Wear for the Exotic Beauty

The Dramatic woman is just that: passionately expressive. Conversations with her are very deep and theatrically infused with emotional word-pictures. She’s a rather private person, but somehow doesn’t mind the spot light. In fact, many Dramatics take up their profession in the fine arts and are often found in the theaters or on television. These girls (and guys) put their whole heart into their performance and their long, lean physique is easy on the camera.

For the same reasons, many Dramatics are Continue reading What to Wear for the Exotic Beauty

What to Wear for the Bold Beauty

The Gamine Beauty is a strong, witty, hardworking, witty woman who is driven by justice. She has an eye for detail and a passion for purpose. No grass grows under her feet. If there is work to be done, the Gamine girl will get it done. Or she will tell someone to do it. If there’s fun to be had, you can’t hold her back there, either. “ALL IN” that’s the Gamine mantra.

The Beauty Battle for the Gamine is often fought within her own heart. Her strong presence and apparent convictions put up a front that protects her from most outside attacks, but Continue reading What to Wear for the Bold Beauty

What to Wear for the Delicate Beauty

There’s something very attractive about the innocence of a child. Just being around a joyful little girl enjoying her playtime can lift the dreariest of attitudes and encouraged the depressed. That’s what it’s like to be around a Confident Ingénue.

ingénue | ˌanjəˈno͞o, ˈänjəˌno͞o |
noun
an innocent or unsophisticated young woman, especially in a play or film.

The Delicate Beauty has a sweet, gentle way about her. She’s considerate and kind and she has a positive outlook on life–at least until someone takes advantage of her and she finds herself in a Beauty Battle. Because of her petite frame and soft voice, she is often an easy target for a “big bully” and because this girl feels things so deeply, when she is mistreated it may very well send her into an identity crisis. Continue reading What to Wear for the Delicate Beauty

3 Questions to Reset your New Year

The start of a new year is a great time to reflect and reset. As you reflect on 2017, do you recognize the changes in your life? Surely there were some good and some bad experiences. Perhaps your character was strengthened; maybe your hope was defeated. Was your patience tested, your confidence challenged? How did these thing affect your how you feel about yourself? Experiences are a big influence in our identity, but they do not need to define us. Perhaps this is why I love new beginnings so much. There have been many times in my life when I have allowed experiences in my life to become who I was.

After experiencing a divorce, I took the identity of “throw away wife” and was not able to build another healthy relationship until I was able to find the truth about who I was.

Some experiences require an identity check in order to move on. It is not wise to risk your heart for a future relationship (or job, location, etc) when it is still wounded from a past one.  We have a choice in how experiences affect us. They can defeat us and deter us from growth, or they can become our personal exercise program as we work through the difficulty and become stronger for it. Continue reading 3 Questions to Reset your New Year

Confident About the Beauty of Christmas

How many Christmas pageants, plays or recitals did you go to this year? Children add so much life to this season, don’t they? It doesn’t matter if their costumes are professional or pathetic, when a child is on a stage being recognized, it is beautiful.

Or at least entertaining.

A few children who play their part with a calm, strong confidence can make a silly program truly impressive, but the children who are timid, shy and awkward–or the ones who are boisterous and showing off–are still adorable.

When children have the guts to get up on a stage, we have grace for their fears, and when they get up there and enjoy themselves, we give them the right to be proud of what they were doing. The older we get, however, the less leeway we have between timidity and arrogance. Continue reading Confident About the Beauty of Christmas

3 Reasons Your Style May Be a Combination Img.ID:

A little girl had  dream to become a gardener. She loved the many shapes, sizes and textures of flowers and wanted to grow them herself. It can’t be that difficult, she thought. “I will keep them in rich  soil, make sure they get lots of sun and water them every day.” 

It didn’t take long before she realized she couldn’t treat all flowers the same, so she began to educate herself on the many types of flowers and their various needs. Quickly she became overwhelmed, “There are too much to learn, this is complicated. I can’t remember all their names and what to do. I will just pick my favorites and focus on them.”  

Are you overwhelmed?

Feel awkward in clothes you chose?

This blog is dedicated to all the girls and women who want to learn about clothing personalities, but just can’t get their mind around it.

“Forget it! Who cares which style I am? I will dress however I want to dress!”

If you have said this, but were then unsure how you want to dress because when you put on clothes you chose, you feel uncomfortable, awkward and phony. My advice:

Figure out your style, make that your favorite and focus on that.

“Picking a favorite” is really not hard for most women, because most women are only one clothing personality, but for those of us who have a combination Img.ID, discovering which style you really like can be complicated. My advice to you?

First figure out if you are one style or two.

You know you are a combination Img.ID if:

  1. 1.You have the physical attributes of two clothing personalities. Do you have the facial features of a Natural, but are not tall? Or are you very tall, but have a turned up nose like a Gamine? You are more than likely a combination Img.ID 
  2. 2.Your natural coloring competes with your primary style. Are you one of the sensitive clothing personalities (Dramatic, Ingénue, Romantic) with strong coloring (Winter, Autumn)? Or one of the strong personalities (Classic, Natural, Gamine) with soft coloring (Summer, Spring)? You are more than likely a combination Img.ID.
  3. 3.You have the physical appearance of one style and a strong agreement with the preferences of different style. Do you have the physical attributes of one clothing personality, but your only desire is to look or act like another style? You may very well have been raised by a strong woman who you feel you must emulate. You have two options: be set free from your oppression and BE who you were designed to be, or find a way to blend the two styles so that your appearance reflects your authentic heart. 

*****

As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others  who are struggling. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads  Click the butterfly image or visit http://catrinawelch.com to learn more about my Supreme MakeOver Image Assessment events.

3 Reasons Image is a Bigger Issue for Some than it is for Others

After 33 years of helping women with Image Issues, I have come to the conclusion that there are the three reasons that the Beauty Battle is bigger for some than it is for others:

  1. Some people are raised in an environment that challenges their authentic style and confuses their ideology (like the Ugly Duckling we have been discussing the last few weeks).
  2. Some styles are more sensitive than others. Passionate people feel things more deeply than those who are less excitable, therefore, Image Issues can be a bigger battle for them to overcome emotionally.
  3. Some Img.IDs have an internal conflict within themselves in areas that make image an issue before they even enter the Beauty Battle.

Consider the sensitive Img.IDs:

  • Ingénue, the Delicate Beauty, who has a sweet, gentle, youthful appearance and personality. Before any man mistreats her or girlfriend insults her, she already has a conflict going on with her image. Her petite frame and high voice give a false impression that often conflicts with her strong, creative and intellectual character. She has a deep concern for other people, yet her compassion is often belittled and rejected because people assume she is far to young and inexperienced to have anything to offer. When an Ingénue faces a Beauty Battle, she often fights with herself rather than her opponent. A common war plan for this girl is to try to look older and tougher. Unfortunately, this often gets her caught in a cycle of pushing people away and punishing herself as the lies of misunderstanding and rejection go deeper and deeper.
  • Dramatic, the Exotic Beauty, who is enthusiastic and expressive and rather intimidating to those she towers over. Because of her natural inclination to detail, her appearance and work ethic give the impression that she has it all together, but in her striving for excellence she seldom sees herself the way others see her. She sees the fine, unfinished details, others see the finished parts. Unfortunately, she may read the tension others feel around her as their rejection of her.  She is often completely unaware that her high standards are causing the threat. If she does recognize this, she may decide to “play it down” and then find herself feeling restricted and frustrated.
  • Romantic, the Glamorous Beauty, who has a gentle, compassionate appearance and personality. This woman cares deeply about others but has a hard time giving herself the attention she gives others. It’s important to her that others feel comfortable and loved, yet she seldom loves herself, which is (ironically) what often makes others uncomfortable around her.

Consider the combination Img.IDs.

For those whose Img.ID consists of two styles there may be areas where those styles contradict each other causing minor–or major–Image Issues.

Some styles prioritize fashion, others comfort; some peace, others justice; some privacy, others publicity.

I would say it is about half of the women I have analyzed have the Img.ID of one style the other half have two styles and about half of those have a major conflict within those two styles. If this is you, this is no cause for alarm; it only means that you have some self-discovery to do so that you can find peace and learn to blend those two styles in a way that honestly represents your authentic nature.

The Beauty Battle is emotional, spiritual, physical and logical.

It’s no secret that I think a big part of the emotional Beauty Battle is spiritual warfare. I believe that there is an enemy of God who hates the fact that a woman’s beauty is a reflection of Him, so he sets traps before us to make us HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on how we look. When we are preoccupied with ourselves, we do not glorify God, we do not find peace and  we do not encourage each other.

It takes time to settle things in your spirit,  but if you are willing to search your soul and learn from those who have gone before you and won the battle,  you can become a woman of Confident Beauty, which is balanced and free.

*****

As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. Please  connect with me on Facebook, Twitter Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads  or consider having me speak at your next event.

Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information. Get catrina’s books on Amazon

Does your Beauty Fit into a Box?

One of the biggest push-backs I get as an image consultant comes from the fear of bing analyzed. It seems that many people assume that being told which style they are is like being put into a box. In truth, however, knowing which “box” you fit into breaks the walls that can hold you back from being true to yourself–like the Ugly Duckling that I blogged about last week.

Many of us are brought up in a culture that confines us to the definition of beauty that our influencers hold us to. It may be that your mom likes things done “properly” but you don’t notice details and feel as if you just didn’t meet the standard set before you.

Maybe you do care about details and love to make things beautiful, but your family does not. Perhaps they belittled you for your concerns and to this day you hold back from being a woman of excellence because you feel as if it is selfish or prideful?

Altering your appearance is exhausting.

Continue reading Does your Beauty Fit into a Box?