Tag Archives: confidence conflicts

Are You Confident in your Parenting Style?

There is no other role like that of being a mother. What an honor and privilege it is to mold the life of a child. There are a lot of powerful things we can do as women, but no accomplishment, position, friendship, or success could ever hold a candle to the power of the influence we have  over our kids (whether we gave birth to them or not).

I’m in the transitional years of motherhood, with one child on his own, one child still home and a middle child half-way there as a college student. He just returned home for the summer, which has me keenly aware of the fine line that we must walk between nurturing and nagging.

When our kids are little, the things we did for them were nurturing, but as they grow independent, those same acts of love–like making their meals, washing their clothes, tucking them in–could be considered threats. Their growing independence doesn’t want to be told what to do anymore and if we are not careful to respect that, we can easily lead them into rebellion. I know; I did that with my first child. I did not recognize when my role was changing. As he was “testing his oats” I was taking responsibilty for his choices. Instead of allowing experience to help me guide him as a young adult, I allowed fear of failure to send me into panic when he made poor choices. In fact, because his choices were so drasticly dangerous, I went into a bit of a crisis as a mom and as a woman. Honestly, I was the one who needed to grow up.

Every mom has her strengths and any strength out of proportion becomes a weaknesses. Recognizing the power of our influence over our children is key to becoming a confident mother who can truly nurture her child throughout each stage of their lives. If we lack confidence, we are more likely to try to force on our children what we see is best for them.

The strengths you have to offer your children is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: wisdom, independence, education (The Classic)

N: Support, acceptance, encouragement (The Natural)

D: Inspiration, motivation, discipline (The Dramatic)

I:  Encouragement, compassion, inspiration (The Ingénue)

R: Love, comfort, cookies  (The Romantic)

G: Protection, provision, motivation (The Gamine) 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

The difference between nurturing and nagging is confidence.

This morning as I was making my college kid’s lunch, I found myself walking that fine line. I’m concerned about his health and want to “nurture” him while he’s here, but I know that my suggestions can become “nagging” and he won’t hear a word I say. He survived nine months of school without me constantly suggesting he make “good choices” and “eat healthy” yet I still felt compelled to nag him, “take your lunch, honey…”  I know, now, however, that  my loving concern for his diet, would only be rejected by his frustration at my apparent lack of confidence in him.

The truth is, the place I really lacked confidence in, was in myself.

I’ve lost a child; the fear of losing another can make me very insecure. I’ve been ensnared with the devastation, disfunction and fears of having one child choose drugs; the desire to control all them has made me obsessed. It’s hard to have confidence when things have gone so drastically wrong; but it’s even harder to strive for confidence.

Confidence is a choice.

I almost didn’t make that lunch this morning, because I still fear rejection, but I made it anyway but I left it  on the counter and let him know it was there if he wanted a home cooked meal. I think I found the fine line because I have a peace that isn’t concerned with what he decides. My confidence is not in him or in my parenting style. It is in the fact that God has carried my family through extreme difficulties and He will take care of us no matter what else comes our way.  Maybe I have finally  grown up.

No matter how old our kids get, they still need love and nurturing, but we must respect that they receive it differently. This Mother’s Day let’s be confident in the influence we have over our children , being careful to use our strengths as an  encouragement not a frustration. If your child is in a rebellious season, I encourage you to remain confident that  you have taught them well and that  God will complete the work He has begun in them. He is able to  make even the ugliest of circumstances beautiful. May you, too, find the joy and peace of letting go.

For the Lord will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught. –Proverbs 3:26 NKJV

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

5 Practices for Overcoming Self-Consciousness

It seems obvious that the tendency to compare your life with others’ is second nature and cannot be stopped.

IMG_2099No wonder the social media has created such an epidemic of self-consciousness. With each visit to Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest… we find ourselves faced with the temptation to compare our lives to the pictures we see. We know, of course,  that what we are only shown the “postable” parts of our friends’ lives, but we still compare what we see to the parts of our lives that we would never post.

And they compare their “un-postables” with our “postables”. Continue reading 5 Practices for Overcoming Self-Consciousness

Easter Changes Everything

Imagine how the friends of Jesus felt the day after His crucifixion. They were so sure He was the Messiah, the One sent to become their king and free them from Rome. He called Himself the Way, the Truth and the Life, yet in the reality of that moment, it looked like His “way” was to suffer brutal judgment and death!

Faith: the substance of things hoped for

IMG_2089Reality is sometimes rocks our faith and twists our beliefs with doubt and confusion. Perhaps you, too, have had a dream suddenly become a nightmare? Has your hope ever turned to despair? Maybe your future was looking bright but then crisis hit, confusion came or tensions arose and now you’re not sure what is true anymore.

I am a mother who has grieved the loss of a daughter and suffered the emotional turmoil of having a son ensnared in addiction. I know this dream-gone-bad feeling.

As difficult as life gets, the most painful seasons are the times when the truth gets twisted. Continue reading Easter Changes Everything

Why Wearing Black Could be Killing your Confidence

I can almost hear you protesting my blog already…

If you’re like most women, you love to wear black and it is the dominate color of your entire wardrobe and my suggestion that black could be killing your confidence already has you irate, doesn’t it?

“If you take my black away, I will have nothing to wear!”

This is, by far, the biggest push back I get as an image-coach.

There are many reasons people love to dress in dark, dull clothing:

Black is seen as professional

Continue reading Why Wearing Black Could be Killing your Confidence

Finding Purpose in Pain

I had just laid my newborn baby down to rest and knew I should close my eyes until she needed me again, but I couldn’t resist the overwhelming urge to write the thoughts that were running through my head. It was strange, the words I was hearing were directed to me, not from me. It was  as if the voice of God was thundering a very personal message and I had to capture it.

Once my pen hit the page, the words kept coming faster than I could write.

I knew Rebecca would not live long, the doctors were adamant about  that; and her physical impairments  were obvious, so I felt foolish doubting them,  but it felt so wrong to believe she would die!.  There were so many  questions and such confusion causing fear and anxiety. I needed a “word from God.”

When the student is ready the Teacher speaks.

I can’t help but wonder if this is why God allows difficulties in our lives. It makes us ready to learn. Writing down “God’s Comfort”  empowered me, like the embrace of a warm, soft blanket  in front of a beautiful fire His voice was protecting me from the fierce storm outside. I felt His love and wisdom and it brought certain peace, which is  still hard to explain, even eighteen years later.

Every year around this time, I like to share those words somewhere. On March 5, 1999 (just a few weeks after I wrote them) we shared them–unedited–at our daughter’s funeral. Today, I want to share them with you. My prayer is that you, too, will gain a new perspective on the goodness of the heart of God, even if goodness seems far from your reality. Continue reading Finding Purpose in Pain

When Beauty Triggers Ugly

By definition, an Ingénue (pronounced: änjəˌno͞o) is an innocent or unsophisticated young woman, especially one in a play or film. The Ingénue Image Identity is the Delicate Beauty. She typically has tight skin, a petite figure, softly feminine facial features and a sweet, gentle voice. Ingénues are almost always assumed younger Continue reading When Beauty Triggers Ugly

Your Strength is the Battlefield for your Confidence

By definition, anything dramatic is theatrical, obvious, exciting, exaggerated, striking.

The Dramatic Image Identity has a penchant and passion for the arts, fashion and beauty. Because of this woman’s strength is her eye for detail and gift in creativity, she also does  well in areas of architecture and design.

Dramatics are tall women with long, straight features and bold coloring (unless they are a combination Img.ID) who have a strong presence about them. They are exciting, inviting and highly influential.

Yet they seldom know it. Continue reading Your Strength is the Battlefield for your Confidence

OVERCOMING FEAR WITH BOLDNESS

Today I share with you a special guest blog that I wrote for my friend Rachel Britton, who asked me to testify about becoming bold in the journey of life.
My son's addiction had a way of training me in boldness. I hope this story is an encouragement to you. 
Please share with anyone you know facing similar struggles.

Some women are strong and naturally bold; their journey to maturity includes becoming more sensitive. Others, like me, are sensitive and by nature far less bold; our journey to maturity involves finding courage.

In the years of helping women dress according to their personal image identity (or Img.ID), it has become obvious to me that we must first understand our authentic clothing personality–there are six of them. Three of them are strong, while the other three are sensitive. While many of us are a combination of two styles (being both strong and sensitive) none of us really mature until we discover our true nature.

Photo-Jan-31-12-11-09-PMTO BE BOLD, WE MUST KNOW WHO WE ARE

If you are uncertain whether you are strong or sensitive, consider…     to read the rest of this post, please click here to visit Rachel’s blog at  https://rachelbritton.com/overcoming-fear-boldness/

The Mature Classic Woman

By definition, anything classic is the definitive, authoritative, long-lasting example. A Classic wardrobe is exactly that– at least for the professional look–just think of how long the blazer has been in vogue.

If you have a lot of “proper pieces” (fitted jackets and skirts, button down blouses, slacks, basically: business attire) in your closet and they have been there a long time, then you may be a Classic. The simple, traditional style of the Refined Beauty is not greatly inclined to change; neither is her nature.

Because she prefers quality clothing Continue reading The Mature Classic Woman

The Beauty of Self-discipline

Don’t you just admire disciplined women, who guard their schedules and take care of themselves without neglecting their responsibilities? Their home is in order, their finances are planned. They workout, rest well, eat right and take time to play.

And they don’t feel guilty about it.

Who do you know that meets that description? There’s a good chance that person is a Classic or a Gamine–or any style of beauty who is committed to self-improvement.

Self-discipline does not come easily.

The Beauty of Self-discipline Although it looks different to each of us, we all want our lives to be in order. Yet few of us actually get there. According to my own observations, it seems that some personalities struggle with this more than others.

By nature the Classic and the Gamine are simply more organized and task oriented. Some of us admire self-discipline; these girls desire it. This  is why they often attain it quicker than the rest of us.

Truth be told, in the end, we each do what we really want in life. Continue reading The Beauty of Self-discipline