Your world view is greatly determined by the way you answer this important question.
Men and women are equal.
This world view may show itself in a lot of striving to prove our equality. When favoritism is shown or life seems unfair, it is only natural to fight for our rights. Any weaker party should be given to and any stronger party should be taken from in order to level the playing field.
Do differences (in gender, strength, appearance, gifts, talents, success…) make life unfair?
Women are inferior.
This world view is often confused. When men see women as less than, or when women see themselves as less-than, it is only natural for the genders to conflict. A man trying to prove himself may mistreat the women he wants to overpower. A woman feeling down on herself may accept abuse that she does not deserve.Continue reading Is Woman Inferior to Man?→
According to David Garner’s survey on Body Image in America as reported in Phychlology Today:
56% of all women say they are dissatisfied with their overall appearance.
84% of women report dieting
14 % of women have been diagnosed with eating disorders- the majority being underweight.
1.5% of women say they vomit for weight control, yet do not feel they have an eating disorder. 3% use laxatives for weight loss and feel that is not a concern.
67% of women report that being around thin women makes them feel insecure. 45% say that models make them feel angry or resentful.
There are many reasons why beauty has such a stronghold on our hearts:
1. Beauty is an important part of the feminine heart.
The desire for beauty is not shallow or selfish; it is our reflection of the One who created us. Just as man was designed to glorify God with his strength, so was woman designed to draw others to Him with her beauty.
Unfortunately, our desire to be lovely can get the best of us if we focus on it too much. I suppose anything we give too much attention to can mess up our lives, but let’s think this through.
The desire to be strong or successful, is encouraged by society.
The desire for beauty, on the other hand, is not as socially acceptable.
Wether we pursue strength or beauty, we may be confronted with jealousy from time to time, but seldom will we be put to shame for such desires as to do well or be strong.
I was only in third grade when my ministry to girls with Image Issues began. I remember coming home from school broken-hearted because one of my friends was being picked on for her weight.
So what if some kids are heavy? I was skin and bones, is that wrong, too? Why are kids so mean? I don’t get it. I was baffled as a eight year old and I’m still baffled today. No two people look exactly alike, so what kind of logic says that differences are defects or deficiencies? And why should anyone be ashamed of how they look?
Variety is beautiful
I seldom get judged for being skinny, but It was that same year that the kids teased me because of how I dressed. I used to wear little bobby sox and apparently they weren’t “in style” (because children know these things!). I was the brunt of cruel jokes day after day until I finally told my mom. I was hoping she would take me shopping for long sox so that I could fit in.
Most women HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on their image at one point in their lives. For many, this is during the teenage years, but for some it’s at a very young age, for others it comes later in life.
When we are hurting and our self image is down, we may lash out at others, blame them, or become consumed by their needs while neglecting our own. Whether you punish yourself, shut down your heart, or try to numb the pain is a big indicator of what your personal Image Identity (Img.ID) is.
Some say the secret to storing your fine sweaters is to put them in a cedar closet or use cedar wood aromatic oils or the dreaded mothballs, the Bible says to:
Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. -Mathew 6:20
Is the Bible saying we should live in the moment and not stress out about holding onto treasures for ourselves? Maybe; but there are many clothing items that we put away for a season that we will be needing again. What then?
If we have been blessed with nice clothing like silks, cashmere or wool, then we should be good stewards of what we have, right? Last year I lost one of my most expensive cashmere sweaters to moths. Wardrobe Weeding may be my thing, and cedar closets may be my husband’s, but anyone can become immune to the cautions they frequently deal with. Lest you, too, think that moths will never happen to you, allow me to share the wisdom of ages:
1. Keep a clean, fresh closet.
Moths like to live and lay eggs in places where it’s dark and they’re undisturbed. Frequently vacuum the floors and drawers, wipe shelves down, move your clothes around, turn on lights, open windows.
Always clean any used clothing before bringing it into your closet. If one item was in storage for long, there’s a good chance it may have moth eggs.
2. Keep your clothing clean.
When the eggs hatch, the larvae like to feed on organic fabrics. To avoid this wholey problem, keep your clothing clean. A hot dryer (or freezer if you have a real problem) can fix this, but most of the fabrics that moths love need to be dry-cleaned, so be sure to have that done before you put your clothes in storage.
Always remove your dry-cleaned items from the plastic bags when you bring them home to allow the chemicals to leave the garment before it breaks down the fibers.
3. Check on your storage.
Adult moths live for about 75 to 80 days, and eggs hatch into larvae after 4-10 days, so you are wise to check for evidence of moths at least once after putting them away for the summer. It’s not uncommon for moth eggs to make their way into the storage undetected and you may come back to ruined clothing months too late. Like I did.
Cedar wood, cinnamon, cloves, and lavender are all good options for keeping moths away without the harsh, dangerous fumes of mothballs.
All in all, yes, we should just get rid of the things that are going to sit in our closets undisturbed because we do not wear them. But when there are items which we will once again wear when the climate changes, we should take care in storing them so that nothing is wasted.
Every child wants to be loved. Little girls long to be seen and heard and to belong to something greater than themselves. We need to know we are valued. Boys do, too. They need adventure and challenge. They long to be strong and courageous and to be needed.
Yet we all have image issues at times. And some “times” last longer than others.
A girl, or woman, who is struggling to find herself is facing what I call the Beauty Battle. It doesn’t matter what her image issue is, somehow it relates to beauty for us girls.
If I were prettier, I’d be more confident!
Know Who You Are
Overcoming the conflict is all about understanding yourself. You don’t have to become a supermodel to become confident. You just need to own your identity, appreciate your good qualities and respect your areas of weakness.
Perfection isn’t pretty anyway, so let it go!
Many boys and girls understand themselves quickly. It’s easier for some to know what they like, whereas some people ponder their preferences. If that’s you, don’t condemn your indecisiveness, try to figure out why the uncertainty.
Are you afraid to choose?
Do you like all the options?
In my experience, many people are afraid of making choices, but there is one style that has a very hard time knowing what she wants. The Ingénue. I used to think her indecisiveness was fear, but now realize it’s complacency. This non-judgmental, empathetic Delicate Beauty really does like all the options. It’s not that she is un-opinionated, it’s more that her heart is so compassionate that her opinion is usually approval.
This presents a few complications when it comes to her image.
Many people (of all ages) grow old still not understanding themselves. Beth Moore tells us in her book So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us that most women don’t feel confident until they are in their sixties! In my experience, it is far harder for people with a combination personality (clothing or character) to understand themselves. Why? Because sometimes your own opinion conflicts with itself.
Maybe you are in the mist of a Beauty Battle, or maybe you left the battlefield wounded and insecure. I want to encourage you to take some time to understand yourself. One of the best ways to find healing is to realize the God who created you accepts you and to learn to accept yourself. If you have two personalities that fight with each other, find a way to balance them in a way that honors your true heart. BE who you were designed to be because, without a doubt, that is the way to be a true, Confident Beauty.
After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, my greatest passion is to use my training as a Biblical life-coach to inspire other women to overcome Confidence Conflicts like I have had to. If you liked this article, please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In and Goodreads or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.
The Dramatic woman is just that: passionately expressive. Conversations with her are very deep and theatrically infused with emotional word-pictures. She’s a rather private person, but somehow doesn’t mind the spot light. In fact, many Dramatics take up their profession in the fine arts and are often found in the theaters or on television. These girls (and guys) put their whole heart into their performance and their long, lean physique is easy on the camera.
There’s something very attractive about the innocence of a child. Just being around a joyful little girl enjoying her playtime can lift the dreariest of attitudes and encouraged the depressed. That’s what it’s like to be around a Confident Ingénue.
ingénue | ˌanjəˈno͞o, ˈänjəˌno͞o |
an innocent or unsophisticated young woman, especially in a play or film.
The start of a new year is a great time to reflect and reset. As you reflect on 2017, do you recognize the changes in your life? Surely there were some good and some bad experiences. Perhaps your character was strengthened; maybe your hope was defeated. Was your patience tested, your confidence challenged? How did these thing affect your how you feel about yourself? Experiences are a big influence in our identity, but they do not need to define us. Perhaps this is why I love new beginnings so much. There have been many times in my life when I have allowed experiences in my life to become who I was.
After experiencing a divorce, I took the identity of “throw away wife” and was not able to build another healthy relationship until I was able to find the truth about who I was.
Some experiences require an identity check in order to move on. It is not wise to risk your heart for a future relationship (or job, location, etc) when it is still wounded from a past one. We have a choice in how experiences affect us. They can defeat us and deter us from growth, or they can become our personal exercise program as we work through the difficulty and become stronger for it. Continue reading 3 Questions to Reset your New Year→
How many Christmas pageants, plays or recitals did you go to this year? Children add so much life to this season, don’t they? It doesn’t matter if their costumes are professional or pathetic, when a child is on a stage being recognized, it is beautiful.
Or at least entertaining.
A few children who play their part with a calm, strong confidence can make a silly program truly impressive, but the children who are timid, shy and awkward–or the ones who are boisterous and showing off–are still adorable.
When children have the guts to get up on a stage, we have grace for their fears, and when they get up there and enjoy themselves, we give them the right to be proud of what they were doing. The older we get, however, the less leeway we have between timidity and arrogance. Continue reading Confident About the Beauty of Christmas→
A little girl had dream to become a gardener. She loved the many shapes, sizes and textures of flowers and wanted to grow them herself. It can’t be that difficult, she thought. “I will keep them in rich soil, make sure they get lots of sun and water them every day.”
It didn’t take long before she realized she couldn’t treat all flowers the same, so she began to educate herself on the many types of flowers and their various needs. Quickly she became overwhelmed, “There are too much to learn, this is complicated. I can’t remember all their names and what to do. I will just pick my favorites and focus on them.”
Are you overwhelmed?
This blog is dedicated to all the girls and women who want to learn about clothing personalities, but just can’t get their mind around it.
“Forget it! Who cares which style I am? I will dress however I want to dress!”
If you have said this, but were then unsure how you want to dress because when you put on clothes you chose, you feel uncomfortable, awkward and phony. My advice:
Figure out your style, make that your favorite and focus on that.
“Picking a favorite” is really not hard for most women, because most women are only one clothing personality, but for those of us who have a combination Img.ID, discovering which style you really like can be complicated. My advice to you?
First figure out if you are one style or two.
You know you are a combination Img.ID if:
1.You have the physical attributes of two clothing personalities. Do you have the facial features of a Natural, but are not tall? Or are you very tall, but have a turned up nose like a Gamine? You are more than likely a combination Img.ID
3.You have the physical appearance of one style and a strong agreement with the preferences of different style. Do you have the physical attributes of one clothing personality, but your only desire is to look or act like another style? You may very well have been raised by a strong woman who you feel you must emulate. You have two options: be set free from your oppression and BE who you were designed to be, or find a way to blend the two styles so that your appearance reflects your authentic heart.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others who are struggling. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads Click the butterfly image or visit http://catrinawelch.com to learn more about my Supreme MakeOver Image Assessment events.
After 33 years of helping women with Image Issues, I have come to the conclusion that there are the three reasons that the Beauty Battle is bigger for some than it is for others:
Some people are raised in an environment that challenges their authentic style and confuses their ideology (like the Ugly Duckling we have been discussing the last few weeks).
Some styles are more sensitive than others. Passionate people feel things more deeply than those who are less excitable, therefore, Image Issues can be a bigger battle for them to overcome emotionally.
Some Img.IDs have an internal conflict within themselves in areas that make image an issue before they even enter the Beauty Battle.
Consider the sensitive Img.IDs:
Ingénue, the Delicate Beauty, who has a sweet, gentle, youthful appearance and personality. Before any man mistreats her or girlfriend insults her, she already has a conflict going on with her image. Her petite frame and high voice give a false impression that often conflicts with her strong, creative and intellectual character. She has a deep concern for other people, yet her compassion is often belittled and rejected because people assume she is far to young and inexperienced to have anything to offer. When an Ingénue faces a Beauty Battle, she often fights with herself rather than her opponent. A common war plan for this girl is to try to look older and tougher. Unfortunately, this often gets her caught in a cycle of pushing people away and punishing herself as the lies of misunderstanding and rejection go deeper and deeper.
Dramatic, the Exotic Beauty, who is enthusiastic and expressive and rather intimidating to those she towers over. Because of her natural inclination to detail, her appearance and work ethic give the impression that she has it all together, but in her striving for excellence she seldom sees herself the way others see her. She sees the fine, unfinished details, others see the finished parts. Unfortunately, she may read the tension others feel around her as their rejection of her. She is often completely unaware that her high standards are causing the threat. If she does recognize this, she may decide to “play it down” and then find herself feeling restricted and frustrated.
Romantic, the Glamorous Beauty, who has a gentle, compassionate appearance and personality. This woman cares deeply about others but has a hard time giving herself the attention she gives others. It’s important to her that others feel comfortable and loved, yet she seldom loves herself, which is (ironically) what often makes others uncomfortable around her.
Consider the combination Img.IDs.
For those whose Img.ID consists of two styles there may be areas where those styles contradict each other causing minor–or major–Image Issues.
Some styles prioritize fashion, others comfort; some peace, others justice; some privacy, others publicity.
I would say it is about half of the women I have analyzed have the Img.ID of one style the other half have two styles and about half of those have a major conflict within those two styles. If this is you, this is no cause for alarm; it only means that you have some self-discovery to do so that you can find peace and learn to blend those two styles in a way that honestly represents your authentic nature.
The Beauty Battle is emotional, spiritual, physical and logical.
It’s no secret that I think a big part of the emotional Beauty Battle is spiritual warfare. I believe that there is an enemy of God who hates the fact that a woman’s beauty is a reflection of Him, so he sets traps before us to make us HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on how we look. When we are preoccupied with ourselves, we do not glorify God, we do not find peace and we do not encourage each other.
It takes time to settle things in your spirit, but if you are willing to search your soul and learn from those who have gone before you and won the battle, you can become a woman of Confident Beauty, which is balanced and free.
As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. Please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads or consider having me speak at your next event.