Tag Archives: peace

Raising Confident Kids

With the first hospital visit, adults begin “speaking life” over your baby: 

She’s beautiful!

He’s so big!

As children grow, we naturally announce and affirm each progression of their development:

Look how he holds his head up.

She took her first step!

A healthy self-esteem is encouraged. 

Every child comes into this world with the need to understand their purpose and value and the answers naturally come from their environment and the things we teach them.

If you have a healthy self-image, then chances are your children will have less of a hang up on their appearance.

But not necessarily. 

What if you have a completely different style and personality than your daughter? Maybe you love fashion and formal events are a big part of your life. You feel great when you are dressed up and socializing, but your daughter resists anything social and hates when you make a fuss about what she wears. Should you “encourage her” to be more like you? Do you release her “do her own thing”?

We don’t always know what to do. We may take one approach to handling these conflicts and then change our mind and do the opposite. Wether we try to “encourage” or “release” we feel guilty and we cause confusion because we are unsure. 

Certainty creates confidence

After twenty years of teaching people about the six various clothing personalities, I am still amazed at how much it helps a woman’s confidence when she learns her personal Image Identity (Img.ID). It’s very much like the liberation one feels when they learn they are task-oriented vs. people oriented or introverted vs extraverted. Understanding yourself sets you free from trying to be something you are not. 

It’s really not that simple, though. 

One of the biggest hurdles I face when helping a client let go of her insecurities about her image, is the expectations put on her as a child–by her environment and her own reasoning. 

Children form so many of their understandings from the things they see and hear. 

“Mom is happy when she looks beautiful. I’m uncomfortable dressing up, I can’t be beautiful.” 

Their reasoning is not always logical; they are children. 

If we don’t talk to tour kids about self-image, their logic may never change. (Until, of course, they encounter a Supreme MakeOver, but that’s a blog for another day. Right now I am on a mission to help parents understand their children’s Img.ID so that they can teach them to BE who they were designed to be.)Talking to a child about body image and self-confidence is sometimes awkward, but the earlier we do it the easier it is and the more effective our teaching.

“Imagine how confident the next generation will be when they learn to accept and appreciate their distinct, authentic style while they are still young.”

  This is why I wrote Know Who You Are–for Kids! 

Know Who You Are–for Kids! cover
Child’s book (and teaching tool) available for pre-order soon!

Over the next six weeks I will be introducing to you the 12 characters in this new children’s book. Journey with me–and Katy (the Natural)–as we consider the different strengths of each of her friends, who each represent a different style. My hope is that each child who hears about Katy’s struggle with body image and self-esteem will learn from her revelation and also find the confidence to be all that God designed them to be. 

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If this topic interests you, would you help me spread the word about my new book? Share this blog, connect and converse with me  on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and join my Facebook Book Launch Group by clicking “visit group: on my author page at:   https://www.facebook.com/catrinawelchauthor/ where I will be sharing inside info and great giveaways!

Is it Better to Be a Good Mother or a Grand Mother?

 

With my last child leaving the nest  and a granddaughter on the way, I am often told that it is more fun to be a grandmother than a mom. 

Mothers typically find their identity in their relationships–especially with their children.

I’ve gained three important insights on motherhood:

  1. Moms have tremendous influence on the life of a child. Our kids lives are swayed by our faith, opinions, perspectives and words.  A child whose mom believes in her is more than a conqueror. A child whose mom condemns her will struggle with self-esteem.
  2. Moms have little power over the way they interpret that influence. Children will interpret your heart according to theirs. We say, “Clean your room, honey.” They may hear, “You’re such a slob!”  or “I need to do better to be loved.” It is vital that we understand our strengths and weaknesses and study them as individuals so that we can train them in the way they should go.
  3. It is very important that we know who we are and take our role seriously. There will be times when parenting is the hardest “career” on earth, changing jobs is not an option. No matter how difficult the relationship may get, we must continue to be the best mom we can be. As they grow up, we are no longer responsible for their choices, but we will always be responsible for how we treat them.

Our challenges with motherhood seem to be because we  allow our identity to center around our children. It’s easy to do: they came from within our body, their lives govern our time, diet, finances and habits throughout the years. But the truth is, they are not us. And as they grow up, we must gradually allow them to be more and more independent. If we don’t, we won’t have peace and  our influence may not lead them in the way they should go.

Grandmothers typically enjoy their relationships without making the Grandchildren their identity 

Galatians 6:10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone–especially to those in the family of faith.

Many people say that Grand mothering is so much better than mothering because the child goes back to the parents, but I wonder if it’s more about perspective?  

Boundaries

When my granddaughter is born, she will have two sisters that have been through tragedy. My few interactions with them have been precious, but I am well aware that  I must earn their trust. I can’t just jump into their lives and claim to be their new grandmother. I must get to know them and slowly build a relationship. It is not my job to discipline, correct or even advise them. Of course I want to teach them everything I know and protect them from any more hurt, but I must earn that right.

When our kids have challenges or make mistakes we jump in to “assist” them. When our grandchild has a hurt, hang up or habit that we know we could help with, we respect their boundaries and wait for their hearts open up like a beautiful rose. Instead of trying to run their lives, we enjoy being a part of their lives. Perhaps it’s maturity or maybe it’s just experience, but after raising one generation, it’s easier to see the bigger picture.

Kids are a beautiful part of our lives, but they are not our identity.

A mom may feel guilt about separating her life from her child’s. A grandmother does not. When things get messy, it’s a lot easier to be a good mother when we don’t consider the mess our personal failure. I couldn’t do that in my early years, but I can now and I think this might be the best–the GRANDest–Mother’s Day yet.

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Having been raised by godly parents, Catrina believed she was more than a conqueror. Her faith was tested by fire, however, when her first husband abandoned her while pregnant. She started motherhood as a wounded woman and it has been a rollercoaster of circumstances ever since. With the death of one child, the joy of two that seek the Lord, and the addiction of another, she is no stranger to devastation and depression, but our God is bigger! Catrina is the author of a number of books, including Confident Beauty, Supreme MakeOver, and Know Who You Are–for Kids!, which will be available July 3, 2019

She lives on Cape Cod, is happily married to Ron, her husband of 22 years, and will officially have an empty nest this Summer–when she also becomes a grandmother. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter Pinterest, Linked In, or Goodreads   Visit http://catrinawelch.com for information about my Supreme MakeOver Image Assessment events.

3 Reasons Confidence will Help you Succeed

Recently, I was asked to give a thirty-second synopsis of what I have learned about:

The Key to being successful as a creative.

I wanted to laugh and reply with the very same question to the one who was asking me! Thankfully, I had a moment to recognized that my initial response before I had to reply.  By comparing my interviewer’s perspective of my success with my not-so-beautiful-reality (and my perspective of his social media posts to what may not be as amazing as his reality) I was falling into the trap of comparison, the very thing we each must each overcome in order to become “successful” at anything. 

Success is different to each of us, but wether our goal is to sell our craft, perform on stage, build a business or launch our children out into the great big world, we need one thing to succeed: Continue reading 3 Reasons Confidence will Help you Succeed

How Grief Taught me Joy

Today would have been my baby girl’s twentieth birthday. With each year since her passing, we think of all the milestones she would have accomplished had we been granted the privilege of raising her into adulthood like our other children.  It’s hard to imagine Rebecca  as anything except a beautiful, delicate newborn. 

Her fifth birthday was the hardest. The thought of her being old enough to go to kindergarten felt like grief all over again. Suddenly, remembering her as a baby felt like a violation to reality. This birthday is another painful one.  Continue reading How Grief Taught me Joy

The Beauty of the Manger

My fourth child was due to arrive just before Christmas. We were building a home at the time and it was not ready for occupancy. I remember feeling anxious about bringing a newborn home to our temporary living situation–a large, open room over my brother-in-law’s garage. With two young boys and another young family within earshot, I feared the sleepless nights would be a problem for the whole house. 

Expectations

Every mom wants her nest in order–beautifully decorated and sanitized–before her new baby arrives. But it doesn’t always happen that way.

Imagine how Mother Mary felt ridding a donkey across the country during the “nesting stage” of her first pregnancy.

Continue reading The Beauty of the Manger

3 Steps to a Quick De-clutter before Christmas

Over the next few weeks we will all be changing our home decor from it’s Thanksgiving theme to all things merry and bright, but what about our closets?

I used to decorate my house for Christmas each year by simply adding a few festive pieces here and there. This year I am in a new home for Christmas and I find myself excited to do something new. My Christmas decor may not have changed, but the place they will bring their charm to has. This house was decorated for our summer guest with a beach theme that does not go well with the snowy theme of Christ’s birth. As I remove all the former decor and dust the shelves, I consider the Closet Clean-outs I have done over the years and thought it would be fun to share with you the most effective way to get organized, whether it’s in the closet or all throughout the house.

After all, it’s not fair to ask Santa for more clothing if your closet is stuffed tighter than your Christmas stockings.

1. First un-decorate

When I first started image-coaching, I was afraid of removing too many items from my client’s wardrobe, so I mostly put outfits together and moved things around. That’s also how I used to decorate my house for Christmas.

With a little experience I have learned that it is way less confusing, far more affective and so much more fun to “clear the slate” before re-creating anything.

Click for FREE Wardrobe Weeding checklist PDF Continue reading 3 Steps to a Quick De-clutter before Christmas

One Woman’s Journey to Find her True Image Identity

Most women HATE, HIDE or get HUNG UP on their image at one point in their lives. For many, this is during the teenage years, but for some it’s at a very young age, for others it comes later in life.

When we are hurting and our self image is down, we may lash out at others, blame them, or become consumed by their needs while neglecting our own. Whether you punish yourself,  shut down your heart, or try to numb the pain is a big indicator of what your personal Image Identity (Img.ID) is.

Click here to take my FREE IMAGE ASSESSMENT QUIZ

Continue reading One Woman’s Journey to Find her True Image Identity

What is your Personal Presence?

Many factors have made me hyper-sensitive to family dynamics recently: My pastor has been preaching a series on relationships, I am preparing for a mother / daughter event, I am finishing up a child’s book about the six styles of children, and most significantly, cancer has invaded my strong, influential father and I am getting a lot of extra time with my extended family as we all join efforts in helping my parents through the fight of a life-time.

How wonderful and pleasant it is

    when brothers live together in harmony! ~Psalm 133:1

All these factors are teaching me three valuable lessons: Continue reading What is your Personal Presence?

Confident for Our Children

As Easter approaches, let’s consider how Mary’s mamma-heart must have felt during Jesus’ persecution and death.

As moms, we believe in our kids. Sure, we see their faults and we get frustrated when they don’t follow our wishes, but we see beyond the present day; we see their potential future. If anyone should point out their imperfections, we defend them because we know that, one day, each of them will be great!

I imagine that this must have been especially true for Mary. Granted, her son was perfect–but she was not. Surely she got anxious about the expectations she had for Him. After all, she was told (directly by an angel!) profound promises about His future yet she had to wait thirty years before He began His ministry. Continue reading Confident for Our Children

What’s “In Style” for the New Year?

My only resolution this year is to blog more about what to wear (#What2Wear). While my greatest passion is helping women to understand their heart and find their confidence, I also feel it is very important to represent your heart accurately with your image so that other people can put their confidence in you.

There’s something very suspicious about a person who looks one way and acts another.

Continue reading What’s “In Style” for the New Year?

What are your holdfasts?

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with my to do list, when a dear friend of mine presented this very powerful question. It put life back into proper perspective for me and my hope is that it will for you as well.

If you’re plate is full and you are finding it hard to be merry this season, please enjoy this guest blog from Lauri Hawley, a godly woman of wisdom who has a way of capturing the most unusual beauty in amazing pictures and relating them to deep spiritual life lessons. You can find her blogs here  

photo by Lauri Hawley

 

I found this little rock washed up on the beach a few weeks ago, with a strange growth attached. It almost looks like a coral, but we’re too far north to find that around here. I’ll venture to say that it’s seaweed. Whatever it is, I’m sure that when it got anchored to that rock, it never saw itself being washed ashore! The rock was protected somewhere on the ocean floor for quite a while to give this specimen time to grow. And then the storms came.Are you holding on to things of this world that seem super stable, reliable, and strong? What rocks are you using as a foundation? Will they remain firm through the storms of this life?Jesus told this parable, recorded in Luke 6:46-49:

“So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.” (NLT)

Jesus gives three steps to building on a solid foundation.First, we must come to Him. Talk to Him, read His Word, ask Him for guidance and assurance, and learn from Him.Second, we must listen. Asking without listening for the answer is a waste of time! Staying in the Word and listening for His voice will teach us how to live, even when we don’t know what questions to ask.Third, we must do what He says. What does He say? Here are a few starters:

“Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” (John 13:34)

“Love your enemies” and “Pray for those who persecute you!” (Matthew 5:44)

“Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” (Matthew 5:16)

Take some time today to check your foundation. What are your holdfasts attached to? If it’s anything of this world, it will pass away. Your rock will be thrown around by the storms of this life, and you’ll find yourself out in the open and exposed.Instead, dig down to the solid foundation that is Jesus Christ, who is the Rock of our salvation! Come to Him, listen, and obey. Through faith in Him we are counted as righteous, and “the root of the righteous will never be moved” (Proverbs 12:3 ESV). 

 

Does your Beauty Fit into a Box?

One of the biggest push-backs I get as an image consultant comes from the fear of bing analyzed. It seems that many people assume that being told which style they are is like being put into a box. In truth, however, knowing which “box” you fit into breaks the walls that can hold you back from being true to yourself–like the Ugly Duckling that I blogged about last week.

Many of us are brought up in a culture that confines us to the definition of beauty that our influencers hold us to. It may be that your mom likes things done “properly” but you don’t notice details and feel as if you just didn’t meet the standard set before you.

Maybe you do care about details and love to make things beautiful, but your family does not. Perhaps they belittled you for your concerns and to this day you hold back from being a woman of excellence because you feel as if it is selfish or prideful?

Altering your appearance is exhausting.

Continue reading Does your Beauty Fit into a Box?