Tag Archives: relationships

Are You Confident in your Parenting Style?

There is no other role like that of being a mother. What an honor and privilege it is to mold the life of a child. There are a lot of powerful things we can do as women, but no accomplishment, position, friendship, or success could ever hold a candle to the power of the influence we have  over our kids (whether we gave birth to them or not).

I’m in the transitional years of motherhood, with one child on his own, one child still home and a middle child half-way there as a college student. He just returned home for the summer, which has me keenly aware of the fine line that we must walk between nurturing and nagging.

When our kids are little, the things we did for them were nurturing, but as they grow independent, those same acts of love–like making their meals, washing their clothes, tucking them in–could be considered threats. Their growing independence doesn’t want to be told what to do anymore and if we are not careful to respect that, we can easily lead them into rebellion. I know; I did that with my first child. I did not recognize when my role was changing. As he was “testing his oats” I was taking responsibilty for his choices. Instead of allowing experience to help me guide him as a young adult, I allowed fear of failure to send me into panic when he made poor choices. In fact, because his choices were so drasticly dangerous, I went into a bit of a crisis as a mom and as a woman. Honestly, I was the one who needed to grow up.

Every mom has her strengths and any strength out of proportion becomes a weaknesses. Recognizing the power of our influence over our children is key to becoming a confident mother who can truly nurture her child throughout each stage of their lives. If we lack confidence, we are more likely to try to force on our children what we see is best for them.

The strengths you have to offer your children is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: wisdom, independence, education (The Classic)

N: Support, acceptance, encouragement (The Natural)

D: Inspiration, motivation, discipline (The Dramatic)

I:  Encouragement, compassion, inspiration (The Ingénue)

R: Love, comfort, cookies  (The Romantic)

G: Protection, provision, motivation (The Gamine) 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

The difference between nurturing and nagging is confidence.

This morning as I was making my college kid’s lunch, I found myself walking that fine line. I’m concerned about his health and want to “nurture” him while he’s here, but I know that my suggestions can become “nagging” and he won’t hear a word I say. He survived nine months of school without me constantly suggesting he make “good choices” and “eat healthy” yet I still felt compelled to nag him, “take your lunch, honey…”  I know, now, however, that  my loving concern for his diet, would only be rejected by his frustration at my apparent lack of confidence in him.

The truth is, the place I really lacked confidence in, was in myself.

I’ve lost a child; the fear of losing another can make me very insecure. I’ve been ensnared with the devastation, disfunction and fears of having one child choose drugs; the desire to control all them has made me obsessed. It’s hard to have confidence when things have gone so drastically wrong; but it’s even harder to strive for confidence.

Confidence is a choice.

I almost didn’t make that lunch this morning, because I still fear rejection, but I made it anyway but I left it  on the counter and let him know it was there if he wanted a home cooked meal. I think I found the fine line because I have a peace that isn’t concerned with what he decides. My confidence is not in him or in my parenting style. It is in the fact that God has carried my family through extreme difficulties and He will take care of us no matter what else comes our way.  Maybe I have finally  grown up.

No matter how old our kids get, they still need love and nurturing, but we must respect that they receive it differently. This Mother’s Day let’s be confident in the influence we have over our children , being careful to use our strengths as an  encouragement not a frustration. If your child is in a rebellious season, I encourage you to remain confident that  you have taught them well and that  God will complete the work He has begun in them. He is able to  make even the ugliest of circumstances beautiful. May you, too, find the joy and peace of letting go.

For the Lord will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught. –Proverbs 3:26 NKJV

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on FacebookTwitter PinterestLinked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit http://catrinawelch.com for more information.

5 Practices for Overcoming Self-Consciousness

It seems obvious that the tendency to compare your life with others’ is second nature and cannot be stopped.

IMG_2099No wonder the social media has created such an epidemic of self-consciousness. With each visit to Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest… we find ourselves faced with the temptation to compare our lives to the pictures we see. We know, of course,  that what we are only shown the “postable” parts of our friends’ lives, but we still compare what we see to the parts of our lives that we would never post.

And they compare their “un-postables” with our “postables”. Continue reading 5 Practices for Overcoming Self-Consciousness

Easter Changes Everything

Imagine how the friends of Jesus felt the day after His crucifixion. They were so sure He was the Messiah, the One sent to become their king and free them from Rome. He called Himself the Way, the Truth and the Life, yet in the reality of that moment, it looked like His “way” was to suffer brutal judgment and death!

Faith: the substance of things hoped for

IMG_2089Reality is sometimes rocks our faith and twists our beliefs with doubt and confusion. Perhaps you, too, have had a dream suddenly become a nightmare? Has your hope ever turned to despair? Maybe your future was looking bright but then crisis hit, confusion came or tensions arose and now you’re not sure what is true anymore.

I am a mother who has grieved the loss of a daughter and suffered the emotional turmoil of having a son ensnared in addiction. I know this dream-gone-bad feeling.

As difficult as life gets, the most painful seasons are the times when the truth gets twisted. Continue reading Easter Changes Everything

OVERCOMING FEAR WITH BOLDNESS

Today I share with you a special guest blog that I wrote for my friend Rachel Britton, who asked me to testify about becoming bold in the journey of life.
My son's addiction had a way of training me in boldness. I hope this story is an encouragement to you. 
Please share with anyone you know facing similar struggles.

Some women are strong and naturally bold; their journey to maturity includes becoming more sensitive. Others, like me, are sensitive and by nature far less bold; our journey to maturity involves finding courage.

In the years of helping women dress according to their personal image identity (or Img.ID), it has become obvious to me that we must first understand our authentic clothing personality–there are six of them. Three of them are strong, while the other three are sensitive. While many of us are a combination of two styles (being both strong and sensitive) none of us really mature until we discover our true nature.

Photo-Jan-31-12-11-09-PMTO BE BOLD, WE MUST KNOW WHO WE ARE

If you are uncertain whether you are strong or sensitive, consider…     to read the rest of this post, please click here to visit Rachel’s blog at  https://rachelbritton.com/overcoming-fear-boldness/

You Know You are Dramatic if…

The Dramatic is a fast-paced, hardworking woman who is not afraid to take risks. She has a daring nature that is seemingly uninhibited by the influences around her but the truth is she often has a very sensitive spirit. 

She is like an exotic flower, of which, of course, there are many kinds. I use the Protea to represent the Artsy Dramatic and the Bird of Paradise for the Sophisticated Dramatic. The Dramatic with a flare for art can carry off a costume-like image and come across as fun- like a Protea with its very unusual kind of beauty. The Dramatic who is more sophisticated also stands out with her unique style, but she may be more often included in social circles. Add an exotic flower to any bouquet and it will make a statement at your party; add a lot of them and it may be too much, unless it is a formal event or held in an exquisite hotel.

These women sometimes come across as “too much” when they are together. Their animated character added to their unique beauty seems to draw the assumption that they want all the attention, but like the flowers they actually do better in indirect sunlight and away from where they can be touched. It may take time for this beauty, like the Ugly Duckling, to find her beauty and bloom, but when she does she has a powerful presence and can be very influential in her world. Continue reading You Know You are Dramatic if…

You are the Apple of God’s Eye

If there is anything that can frustrate a person and draw out their truest character, it is misjudgment. Tell a friend you think they are being so kind and generous because they want something from you, discipline a child for something their sibling did, challenge a professional with the accusation that they don’t know what they are doing, and you will see the heart of that person right away.

We all have a desire to be accepted. 

Misjudgment is often interpreted as deep rejection. Especially by those of us who are sensitive beauties. Let’s take Hannah for example.

You find the story of this Dramatic woman in the Old Testament, when it wasn’t uncommon for a man to have more than one wife–especially if his first wife was infertile. Well, that was Hannah. Her husband loved her, but I can’t imagine she didn’t have to fight a huge Beauty Battle to believe that.

Infertility alone will challenge any woman’s confidence. Add to this girl’s challenge Continue reading You are the Apple of God’s Eye

Confidence vs. Independence. 

One of the greatest Confidence Conflicts a woman faces is in witnessing her children’s growing independence. A mamma’s heart is knit so closely to her child that with each stage of his maturing her heart feels a painful tearing as he needs her less and less.

This heartache don’t only happen with our children’s independence; it could be any relationship. It feels good to be needed, but if our significance is built on someone else’s dependency, our confidence will be crushed when they no longer need us.

Without Independence, we lack confidence.

Think of the pride that beams from a child when he can say, “I did it myself!” Independence creates confidence for the one maturing, but it can challenge the confidence of the one who isn’t needed as much. You know you are bing challenged if you feel you must remind your loved ones that you taught them everything they know, or that they wouldn’t have made it this far without you.

Without confidence we lack independence

When a child learns to walk, a confident mother will help him get his balance and release him to step out on his own. If she is lacking in confidence, she will hover over him with every step. Our own insecurities can rob our children of the joy of independence and create a fear of stepping out on their own… or a rebellious determination to achieve independence whether we like it or not.  Continue reading Confidence vs. Independence. 

5 Lessons from a Boat Wreck

We were enjoying a beautiful brunch overlooking the deep Caribbean Sea when suddenly the cruise ship began to shake with the force of an unanticipated change in speed and direction. It seemed as though something was wrong, but as we looked around the other guests didn’t seem concerned.

“Is that a buoy out there?” I asked my husband regarding the rather large white object out in the middle of nowhere. “Perhaps we did have to make a turn after all.” That’s when the Captain’s voice came over the intercom telling us that we had just navigated around a boat wreck, that the Coast Guard had rescued all the passengers and that our voyage would continue as planned.

Yikes! We weren’t crazy, but I wanted to know the details! It was a beautiful, clear day, what on Earth caused a boat wreck? Was anyone hurt? What happens to that family now? Did they loose everything? Were they blaming each other, or were they celebrating their rescue?

Of course, without any involvement in the situation, there was no way to know. So we continued with our romantic get away.

let it go

If you have ever experienced a tragedy in life, you know how curious people get. It’s none of their business, but they want to know the details. This can be hard to accept when you are hurting, but it does no good to be offended by it. Nor does it help to be hurt when others continue with their lives while we are a wreck, because although they wonder (and may even talk about us), most people don’t know how to ask or get involved.

As I watched that big, white “buoy” sink into the deep blue sea, I couldn’t help but think that there is a lot we can learn from a boat wreck:

  1. It doesn’t matter what caused the problem, if you are taking on water, it’s time to deal with it.
  2. No matter whose fault it is, everyone onboard is affected, and it’s best to help each other.
  3. There is only so much you can do yourself, if you are starting to go under, it is time to call out for help.
  4. Forget about who is watching or how other vessels may be affected; they each have a captain, and he will get them back on their merry way. Deal with the important issues.
  5. Let it go. After you have done what you can, relinquish the regrets and results. You will always have your story to tell, but what was lost to the ocean floor should not have the power to control that which was not.

It’s not everyday that we enjoy the luxury of a cruise ship. But no matter how we are navigating the sea of life, it is important to remember that there is always a professional at the helm when we relinquish our will to God’s and we are wise not to panic, but to trust Him to get us back on course.

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads and consider having her speak at your next event.

How Your Image Issue can Kill Your Friend’s Confidence

You thought your house was clean, and then that surprise visitor stops by. Suddenly you see the dust and details that you had overlooked in the home where you feel so comfortable. If you have had this experience, you are not alone. Even when we prepare for company, and we think our place looks great, showing a guest around changes our perspective because we begin to see things through someone else’s eyes.

Familiarity breads complacency. We dream about owning a home one day and the day we move in we are overjoyed with our accomplishment. But soon our contentment grows complacent. As things begin to wear, we may not even notice–until someone stops by to see the house. That’s when we speak out the all-too-familiar line, “please don’t mind the…”  and point out the very thing that never really bothered us before but mysteriously embarrasses us now.

Why do we do that? Our friend may never have noticed that the door hinge was loose or that our child colored on the wall, but there we go making sure they see it. When someone does that to you, what do you say? Awkward, right? So why do that to others? A house is meant to be lived in. Hinges get old, walls get marked, it doesn’t have to become a Confidence Conflict, does it?

young-959231_640Neither does your body. Continue reading How Your Image Issue can Kill Your Friend’s Confidence

A Mother is Only as Happy as Her Most Miserable Child.

The moment a woman becomes a mother, her life changes.  The very thought of life within her alters her existence. Caring for, nurturing and meeting the needs of her child becomes her purpose and priority. With the cry of his arrival, her needs no longer bear weight compared to his. Whether it’s the dark of night or the dawn of day, every tear he sheds arrests her heart until she can settle him down..

newborn-659685_640Every parent wants their offspring to become healthy, successful, independent men and women of good character. We may not have the best of resources ourselves, but we do the best we can with the physical, emotional and financial strength that we have to offer.

Like delivering them into the world, sending them out on their own can be extremely painful–especially when they are unhappy or unhealthy.

When my first child moved out, he was not a happy young man. My mama-heart received his anger and rebellion as personal rejection and failure. Granted, there were drugs involved, and I was very naive to the depth of the problems, so the emotional turmoil was extra intense. Part of me was refusing to believe that so much could be going wrong in the life of a child I had such high hopes for. The other part of me was tormented by my lack of control over the choices that were being made and my inability to fix–or even understand–the issues.

I became just as miserable as he was.

In fact, I became so consumed with this one child’s issues that I wouldn’t even hear my other children speaking to me. “What did you say?” I’d ask them until eventually they started saying “never mind” before they even finished their requests.  I was neglecting the kids I had left at home for the sake of the one who wanted nothing to do with me. And to what avail? My obsession with the miserable child was producing nothing except more misery.

I had to learn to let go of control because in reality, I had none.

I share this story with you on Mother’s Day weekend simply because I know many of you also suffer with obsession over your grown child’s choices. When they are little, we  don’t need a special holiday to tell us we are amazing. (We know we are because we wipe their tears and change their diapers and make everything better again!) But as they fight for their own identity, we feel as if we lose our own.  It’s during  these times that we could really use a little Mother’s Day love, yet these are the times that it’s least likely they will be making us cute cards and placing wilted flowers on our pillows.


If that’s where you are at today, I want to encourage you to keep being Mom anyway.

mother, son

We can’t fix all our childrens’ problems, but we can pray for them and believe in them. It only takes one cheerleader to change a person’s life and there is no-one who believes in our children’s success as much as their mother. Keep cheering.  Your child may not think you are amazing right now, but that doesn’t mean you are not, so don’t let his emotional state influence yours. Instead, keep influencing him because there’s nothing more beautiful than a mom who holds onto her joy even in the face of misery.
Happy Mother’s Day.

*****

 

Catrina Welch in an Inspirational Author, Speaker, Image- and Life-Coach. Her passion is to help women and girls discover Confident Beauty, which doesn’t wear off like makeup does!  Her latest book, Confident Beauty, Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul is now available as an audiobook.

GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN ON CAPE COD:

Catrina will be hosting a Branding your Image Supreme MakeOver on Saturday, May 14th from 9-11am This image assessment class will be focused on helping business and professional women simplify their life with a Confident Closet. Non-professional women are welcome to attend as well. To learn how you can get in for FREE and to save your seat, please click here or contact Catrina today.