Tag Archives: relationships

Confidence vs. Independence. 

One of the greatest Confidence Conflicts a woman faces is in witnessing her children’s growing independence. A mamma’s heart is knit so closely to her child that with each stage of his maturing her heart feels a painful tearing as he needs her less and less.

This heartache don’t only happen with our children’s independence; it could be any relationship. It feels good to be needed, but if our significance is built on someone else’s dependency, our confidence will be crushed when they no longer need us.

Without Independence, we lack confidence.

Think of the pride that beams from a child when he can say, “I did it myself!” Independence creates confidence for the one maturing, but it can challenge the confidence of the one who isn’t needed as much. You know you are bing challenged if you feel you must remind your loved ones that you taught them everything they know, or that they wouldn’t have made it this far without you.

Without confidence we lack independence

When a child learns to walk, a confident mother will help him get his balance and release him to step out on his own. If she is lacking in confidence, she will hover over him with every step. Our own insecurities can rob our children of the joy of independence and create a fear of stepping out on their own… or a rebellious determination to achieve independence whether we like it or not.  Continue reading Confidence vs. Independence. 

5 Lessons from a Boat Wreck

We were enjoying a beautiful brunch overlooking the deep Caribbean Sea when suddenly the cruise ship began to shake with the force of an unanticipated change in speed and direction. It seemed as though something was wrong, but as we looked around the other guests didn’t seem concerned.

“Is that a buoy out there?” I asked my husband regarding the rather large white object out in the middle of nowhere. “Perhaps we did have to make a turn after all.” That’s when the Captain’s voice came over the intercom telling us that we had just navigated around a boat wreck, that the Coast Guard had rescued all the passengers and that our voyage would continue as planned.

Yikes! We weren’t crazy, but I wanted to know the details! It was a beautiful, clear day, what on Earth caused a boat wreck? Was anyone hurt? What happens to that family now? Did they loose everything? Were they blaming each other, or were they celebrating their rescue?

Of course, without any involvement in the situation, there was no way to know. So we continued with our romantic get away.

let it go

If you have ever experienced a tragedy in life, you know how curious people get. It’s none of their business, but they want to know the details. This can be hard to accept when you are hurting, but it does no good to be offended by it. Nor does it help to be hurt when others continue with their lives while we are a wreck, because although they wonder (and may even talk about us), most people don’t know how to ask or get involved.

As I watched that big, white “buoy” sink into the deep blue sea, I couldn’t help but think that there is a lot we can learn from a boat wreck:

  1. It doesn’t matter what caused the problem, if you are taking on water, it’s time to deal with it.
  2. No matter whose fault it is, everyone onboard is affected, and it’s best to help each other.
  3. There is only so much you can do yourself, if you are starting to go under, it is time to call out for help.
  4. Forget about who is watching or how other vessels may be affected; they each have a captain, and he will get them back on their merry way. Deal with the important issues.
  5. Let it go. After you have done what you can, relinquish the regrets and results. You will always have your story to tell, but what was lost to the ocean floor should not have the power to control that which was not.

It’s not everyday that we enjoy the luxury of a cruise ship. But no matter how we are navigating the sea of life, it is important to remember that there is always a professional at the helm when we relinquish our will to God’s and we are wise not to panic, but to trust Him to get us back on course.

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads and consider having her speak at your next event.

How Your Image Issue can Kill Your Friend’s Confidence

You thought your house was clean, and then that surprise visitor stops by. Suddenly you see the dust and details that you had overlooked in the home where you feel so comfortable. If you have had this experience, you are not alone. Even when we prepare for company, and we think our place looks great, showing a guest around changes our perspective because we begin to see things through someone else’s eyes.

Familiarity breads complacency. We dream about owning a home one day and the day we move in we are overjoyed with our accomplishment. But soon our contentment grows complacent. As things begin to wear, we may not even notice–until someone stops by to see the house. That’s when we speak out the all-too-familiar line, “please don’t mind the…”  and point out the very thing that never really bothered us before but mysteriously embarrasses us now.

Why do we do that? Our friend may never have noticed that the door hinge was loose or that our child colored on the wall, but there we go making sure they see it. When someone does that to you, what do you say? Awkward, right? So why do that to others? A house is meant to be lived in. Hinges get old, walls get marked, it doesn’t have to become a Confidence Conflict, does it?

young-959231_640Neither does your body. Continue reading How Your Image Issue can Kill Your Friend’s Confidence

A Mother is Only as Happy as Her Most Miserable Child.

The moment a woman becomes a mother, her life changes.  The very thought of life within her alters her existence. Caring for, nurturing and meeting the needs of her child becomes her purpose and priority. With the cry of his arrival, her needs no longer bear weight compared to his. Whether it’s the dark of night or the dawn of day, every tear he sheds arrests her heart until she can settle him down..

newborn-659685_640Every parent wants their offspring to become healthy, successful, independent men and women of good character. We may not have the best of resources ourselves, but we do the best we can with the physical, emotional and financial strength that we have to offer.

Like delivering them into the world, sending them out on their own can be extremely painful–especially when they are unhappy or unhealthy.

When my first child moved out, he was not a happy young man. My mama-heart received his anger and rebellion as personal rejection and failure. Granted, there were drugs involved, and I was very naive to the depth of the problems, so the emotional turmoil was extra intense. Part of me was refusing to believe that so much could be going wrong in the life of a child I had such high hopes for. The other part of me was tormented by my lack of control over the choices that were being made and my inability to fix–or even understand–the issues.

I became just as miserable as he was.

In fact, I became so consumed with this one child’s issues that I wouldn’t even hear my other children speaking to me. “What did you say?” I’d ask them until eventually they started saying “never mind” before they even finished their requests.  I was neglecting the kids I had left at home for the sake of the one who wanted nothing to do with me. And to what avail? My obsession with the miserable child was producing nothing except more misery.

I had to learn to let go of control because in reality, I had none.

I share this story with you on Mother’s Day weekend simply because I know many of you also suffer with obsession over your grown child’s choices. When they are little, we  don’t need a special holiday to tell us we are amazing. (We know we are because we wipe their tears and change their diapers and make everything better again!) But as they fight for their own identity, we feel as if we lose our own.  It’s during  these times that we could really use a little Mother’s Day love, yet these are the times that it’s least likely they will be making us cute cards and placing wilted flowers on our pillows.


If that’s where you are at today, I want to encourage you to keep being Mom anyway.

mother, son

We can’t fix all our childrens’ problems, but we can pray for them and believe in them. It only takes one cheerleader to change a person’s life and there is no-one who believes in our children’s success as much as their mother. Keep cheering.  Your child may not think you are amazing right now, but that doesn’t mean you are not, so don’t let his emotional state influence yours. Instead, keep influencing him because there’s nothing more beautiful than a mom who holds onto her joy even in the face of misery.
Happy Mother’s Day.

*****

 

Catrina Welch in an Inspirational Author, Speaker, Image- and Life-Coach. Her passion is to help women and girls discover Confident Beauty, which doesn’t wear off like makeup does!  Her latest book, Confident Beauty, Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul is now available as an audiobook.

GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN ON CAPE COD:

Catrina will be hosting a Branding your Image Supreme MakeOver on Saturday, May 14th from 9-11am This image assessment class will be focused on helping business and professional women simplify their life with a Confident Closet. Non-professional women are welcome to attend as well. To learn how you can get in for FREE and to save your seat, please click here or contact Catrina today.

 

3 Ways Women Seek Significance

They say there are two types of women in the world:

  • the ones who walk into a room and say, “Here I am!”
  • the ones who walk into a room and say, “Oh, there you are!”

Of course we would all prefer to be the second type, but in reality, most of us are not.

When I think of the woman who says, “Here I am!” I feel embarrassed for her–you may feel something stronger. How childish to demand attention! How vain and selfish! We don’t want to be like that. Yet if we are honest, we must admit that deep within us, there’s a little girl’s heart that would also love to be noticed.

Instead, we feel invisible.  Continue reading 3 Ways Women Seek Significance

Confident Boundaries with Children

Picture a white picket fence around a beautiful home, this is the analogy Henry Cloud gives In his books about Boundaries to create an image of our responsibilities in life. We each have a home. We may share our home, but within our common space there are times and places of privacy. Our lives are not easily separated from our family’s lives and often the responsibilities of life are ours to share.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ…. for each one should carry their own load. -Galatians 6:2, 5 

Giving up our time and possessions for our spouse and children is not poor boundaries; it is bearing their “burden” as long as we are each taking responsibility for our own “load.” My daughter’s homework is not my responsibility, for example, but helping her get the material she needs to do it is, since she is still dependent on me for rides and finances. She is still living within my home.

It feels good to be needed. 

The younger our children are, the more we need to sacrifice on their behalf. Our infants need us to sacrifice our needs in order to meet theirs. It doesn’t matter how tiered we are, we must get up in the middle of the night if they need us. As our children grow less dependent upon us we would be wise to adjust our boundaries. While it is proper boundaries to stop everything to care for the child who cannot even burp on her own, it may not be healthy to Continue reading Confident Boundaries with Children

To Be Bold on the Journey, we Must Find our Voice.

balancedI have had the honor of writing a guest blog for Rachel Britton. I thought it only right to share it with my friends as well. God knows, we all need a little encouragement in order to be bold on the journey of life. This is the theme of Rachel’s blog, and it was a joy to speak into the lives of her audience. I pray that you, too, are encouraged to be bold on your journey.

In order to be bold we must have a voice.

We must be confident.

We must be balanced.

We must be assertive.

Please visit http://rachelbritton.com/finding-bold-confident-voice/ to read more.

 

 

for more information, visit me at www.CatrinaWelch.com

How New Year’s Resolutions Can Kill Your Confidence

There is nothing like a fresh start, a chance to begin again, an opportunity to make changes. Tomorrow we celebrate 2015, take a good look at the past and then, with the sticking of midnight, we put another year behind us. New Years Day we will dream of what’s to come, aspire to new plans and make some resolutions:

“I’m going to work harder, eat smarter, play more, lighten up, work out, loose weight…”

New Year’s Resolutions give us a good feeling–like we have regained control. Goals rejuvenate our ambition, like a fire under the feet, motivating us to run harder. It’s all good… right?

I’m not so sure any more. Continue reading How New Year’s Resolutions Can Kill Your Confidence

Celebrating Christmas with Confidence

As you wrap up the last of your Christmas gifts, do you wonder if maybe you didn’t do enough? I do! There are some people that I wanted to bless this season and didn’t even find the time to shop for. There’s others that I wish I could have done more for but the gift giving is restricted by yankee swap rules and price limits to keep things “fair.” The cheep side of me loves that someone else set my budget, but the generous side of me wants to just give abundant gifts to all my favorite people.

Giving beyond what is expected can cause a Confidence Conflict.

I don’t know if I have ever really overcome the cheep side of me and been overly generous myself but my husband has and by nature of marriage I have been given credit for his good heart. I’ve seen people get awkward and embarrassed because they felt unworthy of such generosity or ashamed that they could not recipicate. I have also been the recipient of his extreme generosity and personally experienced these emotions which conflict with the joy of receiving. From this I have learned two important lessons:

It takes a confident person to give a big gift without expectations. Continue reading Celebrating Christmas with Confidence

When Words Crush Your Spirit

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Injuries can crush the body.

When someone strikes us, we hurt. The stronger our physical body, the less likely the damage, of course, but there is no question that sticks and stones can break our bones. And when we are injured, no one ever questions our need to take care of ourselves or to get the help we need. In fact, even strangers may jump up to assist the wounded with something that is obviously challenging (like opening a door for someone on crutches). Good people don’t treat an injured person like a weakling or misfit. They see our cast, bandage or sling and it’s obvious  we have been hurt, but seldom will they label us a “reject,” “basket case,” “disturbed,” or “emo” like they do when words (or actions) inflict our heart and leaves us  emotionally wounded.

Broken bones seldom become a person’s identity because we all know these injuries don’t last forever. Emotional wounds, however can easily become our identity because we are less apt to nurture them into healing properly and they become an intricate part of who we are.

It is foolish to keep doing things that intensify any injury (or sickness), whether it is physical or emotional. Yet most of us tend to care for a physical wound with love and attention while we dismiss emotional wounds as if they are shallow, immature or self-centered. Any wound  that is well cared for will heal far better than one neglected or provoked, yet we easily accept our broken heart as our new identification.

When I broke my back in 1999 I had two small children at home and often felt it was “necessary” to do what the doctor had ordered me not to (like lifting my toddler), and when I did, it set back my healing. That’s the thing with a physical injury: it doesn’t go away, it “speaks up” and makes us deal with it no matter how hard we try to deny that it hurts.

Emotional wounds “speak up,” too.

My physical injury happened only six weeks after my daughter’s death. I had not healed from the emotional injury that grief had inflicted on my heart. For awhile I was pretty much bedridden and dependent on others. It was very difficult to be so needy, but the physical rest was part of my emotional healing. Instead of staying busy and avoiding the issues of my heart I was restricted with lots of time to think, cry and pray. My physical neediness also gave others reason to come and help me and that, too, brought healing to my heart.

Words can crush the spirit.

Emotional wounds aren’t always as intense as grief (just as physical wounds may be as simple as a paper cut) but they still need to be dealt with. Perhaps you have been called fat, ugly, stupid, slow, (or whatever!) and you feel embarrassed that such a simple thing hurt you.

Even small insults, like paper cuts, need to be washed, or they may get infected.

IMG_1563.JPGWhen someone hurts us as children we run to mom and cry on her shoulder. She hugs us and tells us the words are wrong and that she loves us just the way we are. And she means it, because we are a part of her. So we believe her words over the insults and our heart survives. Of course, if she does not have a healthy self-image, she may not be capable of helping us with our’s and if we have no one to help us wash the wound, we may accept those words as truth.

My mom helped me a lot in 1999 as did all of my (and my husband’s) family of origin as well as our family of faith. They made meals, did errands, changed diapers and, most of all, they cared. Even when their words were awkward, their actions helped me believe the Word of God, and that was the key to the survival of my crushed spirit.

If you feel wounded or crushed, I encourage you to take some time to heal. You are not alone. Let others help you and let their concern (even if it’s awkward) speak to your heart. Most of all, cast all your cares on the One who cares for you. Tell God how you feel and ask Him what He thinks of you. Don’t get distracted by the “necessary” until you have heard His answer and then believe His Word over anyone else’s because you were created in His image and there is no greater love than His.