Are Cliques Bad?

cheering-momsCliques. Nobody likes them unless they are them.

Girlfriends who are having a good time together can (purposely or unmindfully) snub those around them, and if you are the one left out of the fun it can make you feel like an outsider. While these kinds of situations can rock the confidence of some women more than others, none of us like to be left out. But it happens. In fact, the more starved women are for “girlfriend time,” the more selfish we can be with what little of it we get and the more sensitive we can be about being snubbed.

When my kids were young I was able to be home with them and I had lots of time with friends in the same situation. It’s not that the kids, home and husbands didn’t keep us busy, but we would juggle our chores together. “Girlfriend time” was coffee in the minivan going on “lullaby rides.” We would go to the post office, dry cleaners, etc. while taking turns watching the sleeping babies so each mom could run in and out quickly. After stretching their naps out with a ride by the beaches, we would grab groceries together­–one of us would use plastic bags, the other paper–and then go to each others homes to put them away. Talking, laughing, holding each other’s babies while the chores got done. Good times. Productive, fulfilling times.

Now girlfriend time is more of a luxury that few women allow themselves. The only non-digital social time we really get is with the people who are involved in our already busy lives–they work, worship, network, carpool, or cheer at the kids games with us.

But really, is that so wrong?


Maybe what we need is to be more “cliquey” and start enjoying any girlfriend time we can get–even if it’s at the school event that we didn’t have time for and feel so awkward at. Maybe we need to notice more when others are longing to get in on our conversations and start include more people in our lives. Maybe it’s time we start juggling our chores together again and taking ourselves for a lullaby ride by the beaches.


Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at

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