Favor is Deceitful – 3 Reasons Why

In honor of all the moms who have ever had a child turn on them and say, “I hate you!” I dedicate this blog to you.

God’s Word  is a lot like a fire hydrant: far more powerful than a refreshing drink of water. Perhaps this is what Jesus was alluding to when He told the Samaritan woman that, “those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” in John 4:14

Let’s consider a small section of one verse for example.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Proverbs 31:30

What does the Bible mean by, “charm is deceptive” (or “favor is deceitful”)?

I write a lot about Proverbs 31 Beauty, but now that my life is so involved with the deceitful world of addiction, I feel as though I could write another book to address the first part of verse 30. For now, however, I will simply make 3 bullet points, lest this blog becomes like a fire hydrant:

  1. Charm is often superficial, a means of distraction: kind words, sweet gestures, appropriate actions  may very well be hiding a hard or hateful heart. Be careful of others who are not sincere.
  2. Charm is a powerful tool, which tempts the selfish soul to “sweet talk” others into their own way. Be careful not to manipulate others in order to … (keep the job, avoid a fight, win favor or get a favor.) 
  3. Charm is seductive even when it is sincere. When we treat others well, we win their favor and it is a wonderful feeling… until we mess up or they disagree… or our “charm” convicts them and makes them angry.

You don’t have to be the mom of an addict to understand what I’m talking about here. I’m raising a infant,  and as perfectly adorable as my grand girl is, even she turns on me if I say no! The point is:

Favor is deceitful. 

If we want to be confident and influential momma’s, then we need to recognize the force behind this “refreshing” scripture. We will not always have the favor of those we love. There will be times when they cry for something they should not have. There will be times when they “hate” us because we hold them accountable or keep our boundaries. There will also be times when we completely blow it and hurt them badly.

But it’s not their favor that we want.

We want their unconditional love and we cannot expect them to give us what we do not show them. In reality, charm has little to do with love. A truly responsible mom will not always please her child, and that’s ok because love is far stronger. 

Proverb 15:33Just as we want our children (and grands) to be sincere even when they are upset or imperfect, in the end, they would also rather we are strong and sincere than superficially charming or stressed and striving to keep up with pleasing others.

That’s easier said than done, of course, but the secret to accomplishing this is found in the last part of this Proverbs 31:30 and throughout the Proverbs where we learn the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Stay strong, momma. Happy Mother’s Day. 


As an author and speaker, my passion is to help women and children overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others struggling. If you want to make difference, too, would you share this blog? I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter,  Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads  


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