It’s been thirteen years since my daughter died and still I must battle my emotions – especially fear and sorrow – and especially during the holidays.
Yesterday was a beautiful Christmas; I found the economic restraints to be quite refreshing; less is more sometimes. Less shopping, wrapping, opening and cleaning up after is more time for relationships. But I must admit, it is more time for thinking too.
My children are growing up; the oldest is on his own now and my thoughts of his absence have become a battleground of emotion – mostly sorrow. My second oldest is having surgery this week, and the idea of putting him “under” is tormenting my heart with fear – another emotion I must fight to guard my heart from or it may rob the happy in my holidays!
But fight I will! If there is one thing I have learned in thirteen years of dealing with grief, it is that feelings are webbed together and if I give one of them too much thought, a bunch of old ones come to the surface and join the battle. That is no simple war to win. Too often emotions conquer our lives because we do not confront each one individually, we allow them to bring up old hurts and losses and defeat us with little or no ammo of their own.
Philippians 4:8 & 9 says “whatsoever things are real, whatsoever things are noble, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, if there be any virtue, if there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”
I have not lost my sons because they are busy or having Anastasia; I may feel sorrow and fear, but they will not overtake me, because I choose not to think on what is not real! I have learned and received comfort; I have heard and seen Good News through the loss of my daughter, and I will walk with God in the peace that surpasses all understanding as I face the New Year, come what may.
Praying the same for you. Happy Holidays!
Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their image issues. It is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Loosing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available soon.
If you are interested in getting these books or having Catrina come speak at your event, you can contact her at www.CatrinaWelch.com or on facebook.
2 thoughts on “Merry Christmas and Other Emotions”
Hi Catrina – I attended your workshop on grief in November. I have attended many throughout my walk with grief. My twelve year old daughter lost her battle here on earth but won it in Heaven. I know she is in Our Father’s presence.
My pain was long; many times I suffered in silence, not wanting to draw others in. This caused me to have a nervous breakdown. She went home on December 21 and we buried her little body on Christmas Eve, in the year 1990. Christmas was not the most wonderful time of the year for many years, but as I walked with my Master on a daily basis the pain was easier to bear.
The process of healing is one that differs from each individual. I found out that the most important part is to take a step every day. That one step takes us closer to our purpose and we can use our pain to help others.
It’s been twenty-one years since I last saw my little girl. My faith and hope is that someday I will be reunited with her in Heaven.
Thank you so much for sharing your grief and providing a venue to share my journey with you. I’m a better person for going through it, although it didn’t always feel good. I often think if she were looking down on me, I would want her to see me full of life, joyful, serving my Lord and living out God’s purposes for me. That fills me up just to think she and my Heavenly Father are proud of me.
Thank you for your comment, It is good to share our tears, they bond us together. God has shown us both that He is our Comfort and that we go through these things not to be defeated, but to be better equipped to comfort others. We will not waist our pain!
Did you notice that the audio of that workshop is availale in the Media page? If you know anyone who may be blessed to hear it, please send them over.
May God bless you abundantly as you press on with His strength.
all for Him, Catrina