Tag Archives: image issues

3 Questions that Make Life Good Again

girl hiding

In the beginning, God created man and woman in His image and gave them a mission to enjoy His creation, reign over it and fill the Earth with lots of offspring. But they got distracted by a snake (see my last blog).

When we mess up, God calls out for us.

Most of us get off-mission at some (or many) point in our lives. Whether it’s a cruel word or big mistake, if we want to overcome self-consciousness, we are wise to consider the questions God asked the first couple after they messed up.

  • Where are you?

God went searching for the first couple. He knew they were hiding in the bushes with fig leaves covering their bodies, but He called to them to give them another chance to turn back to Him, for He is a gentleman who does not push himself on others.

In the same way, He still seeks after you and me.

The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”

2 Chronicles 16:9a NLT
  • Who told you you were naked?

God acknowledges the problem. He does not like it when His children are belittled. Obviously, they were now embarrassed about their nakedness. God recognized their shame (even though it was part of His very good plan that they should have freedom from wardrobe) and brings it up for discussion.
Have you ever been made to feel badly about something in your life or image?

“You’re so (naked / vulnerable / ugly)…”
“Your not (like God / good at that / very strong)…”
“You should (hide / shut up / stop doing that) …”

Your Creator cares about the way you are treated. He doesn’t control those who hurt you, but He will deal with them at the right time. For now, He longs to comfort and heal you, but first, He must deal with what you did.

  • Did you do something wrong?

God had one rule for Adam and Eve: Don’t touch that one tree. The rule didn’t just protect them from knowing evil, shame, fear and self-consciousness; it also gave them the opportunity to show Him that they were choosing to obey, trust, and love Him. He had no desire to control them and He still wants His children to have free choice.

But when we mess up, we must fess up or we will remain in our shame.

They failed Him, but He did not fail them. God brings our shame into the open not to condemn, but to correct. Love allows consequences; no longer could they walk freely in the Garden, but neither did they need to cower from Him. He removed their uncomfortable attempt at clothing and covered them with beautiful leather. Then He sent them back on their mission to have dominion over creation and to be fruitful and multiply. We know for certain that they were forgiven and given a fresh start, because it was only after paradise was lost that Eve was given her name.

Then the man–Adam–named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live.

Genesis 3:20

If you have been questioning God’s rules and doubted His heart; if you have lost your confidence and are hiding who you really are; if you are keeping your distance from God and man, I encourage you to listen for the voice of God and seek the truth, for this is what sets us free. Acknowledge the words that have hurt you and let God deal out the consequences in His time. For now, confess any part you did wrong and put on the clothing of forgiveness! The snake will get what’s coming to him, but let’s not let his words keep us from getting back to being who we were designed to be!

If you have ever been set free from the pain of someone’s words, or if you know someone struggling with their identity, would you share this blog on your social media?


CONFIDENT BEAUTY Image- and Life-Coaching

Very Good Gone Bad

In the beginning, by the word of His mouth, God created the heavens and the Earth and all that was in them. His grand finale – and the purpose of it all – was man and woman, created in His image. And it was very good.

Until a snake spoke.

“Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?”

Genesis 3:1

Eve tried to shake the enticing notion that there could be more. “No,” she said, “God said to enjoy everything, except for the one specific tree, or we will die.”

“You won’t surely die!” the snake pushed, “God is holding out on you! He knows if you eat that fruit you will be like Him, knowing good and evil.”

“Wait, that’s not fair!!” she thought. Perhaps God’s heart wasn’t so good and generous after all. So she and her husband ate that which they were warned not to. ( Gen 3:2-6, paraphrase mine.)

God’s very good plan was suddenly distorted

Spoken words change our lives. The snake’s “little white lie” was more than a temptation, it was an evil plan of identity fraud. Think about it: with the hiss of his voice, they were made to feel that they were not good enough and their life could be better.

The snake said that the fruit would make them like God… but they already were.
He said that they would gain the knowledge of good and evil… yet they already knew VERY GOOD. So really, all the couple gained was the knowledge of evil.

God’s very good plan was that mankind would not know evil. So, truth be told, God was holding out on them. He was holding back all that would hurt and hinder them from the beautiful, free life He created them for! The snake twisted that truth and hijacked a very good plan.

Before they lost trust in God, the first couple were liberated nudists; after, they were embarrassed and ashamed individuals. When we doubt God, we doubt ourselves and we doubt others. Self-consciousness destroys intimacy, which is exactly what the nemesis of God wanted. In fact, he is still roaming the Earth to steel, kill and destroy the identity of anyone desiring to be like God, for this is his obsession.

When we think that God is holding out on us, we put up a guard and separate ourselves from Him. When we believe His heart is not good, we doubt our own worth as well.

“If God is so good, why does He give me so many restrictions? Must not be enough.”

If you have ever felt insecure in your identity, then you know: it only takes one conversation, one truth–slightly twisted, or said with the wrong tone–to cause us to doubt God’s plan. Adam and Eve had no image issues before the snake spoke.


Why did He make me this color, shape, size or gender? Why can’t I do this or have that? He must not love me, want me, believe in me…

Lies.

Worse than a lie, it’s a twisted-Truth, because there is some truth in it (Adam and Eve really were naked) but the deepest the truth is, God’s laws are protective boundaries that display His love and give us opportunity to show Him love in return (by respecting them).

If we want to overcome self-consciousness, we would be wise to consider the example set for us in the Garden of Eden, which we will do in tomorrow’s blog. For now, let’s pray: God, show me the lies I have believed and forgive me for all the ways I have doubted you. Teach me to trust your heart and follow your laws. Help me to stop trying to make everything better myself. Teach me to walk in the freedom of being who you designed me.

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Above all else, BE and LET BE

3 Poor Places to Look for Self-worth

My granddaughter is entering the age of princess preoccupation. It’s a beautiful thing to witness the joy of a child who is excited about who she is. I dread the day she begins to loose her confidence and doubts her self-worth. But it happens. Somewhere along the line, imagination fades and reality sets in. 

In our formative years we are constantly looking to and learning from everything around us for the sole purpose of self-discovery. Playing dress up is more about finding answers, then it is about looking lovely. 

Am I lovely? Am I loved?

Unfortunately, we do not always get the answers we want, because we tend to look for our identity in dim mirrors. There are 3 particular mirrors that give us a poor reflection, yet we use them to judge ourselves all the time.

1. Upbringing

Of course we decide who we are and what we are worth by the projected opinion of those who are rearing us. They are the ones teaching us everything else, why shouldn’t we look to them to answer our deep, personal questions?

“Who am I?” Am I valued?

The problem with looking to our teachers and parents for these answers is that they may very well be struggling with self-confidence themselves. Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children regarding their appearance, accomplishments, strengths, abilities, aptitude  or behavior because they are looking to the child to fulfill their own need to be valuable.

2. Comparison

Throughout our lives we compare ourselves to others. This is natural and can be a positive motivation. It can also be very negative. 

Far too often we devalue something about ourselves that we should appreciate, except that our sister or friend is not (tall, quiet, athletic, etc). How silly we are to look at someone else’s reflection to find our value! That would be like choosing an apple and being upset because it doesn’t taste like an orange. 

3. Media 

There is no stopping the pressures on our identity by the culture around us. Confidence Conflicts are being placed before us all the time. Magazine covers in the grocery isle, billboards on the highway, commercials on TV, and yes, indeed, all the tiny glimpses into our friends’ perfect lives through the filters of social media. They scream at us, “get your act together!” 

But I don’t like acting, do you?

I’m tiered of looking into dim, puzzling mirrors and feeling as if I will never measure up. There’s only one mirror that gives a clear reflection, that is where I will look for my true identity.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

1 Cor. 13:12 

If you, too, have been seeing yourself poorly, I invite you to look to the the One who actually knows you completely. Think about it: the Maker of Heaven and Earth personally chose each and every attribute that He gave you. He deeply loves and dearly values you, His precious daughter. Perhaps it’s time we look to the KING OF KINGS for our true identity and start acting like a PRINCESS again.

To take my FREE quiz and learn your Image Identity, click here.

***** 

As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others struggling. If you want to make difference, too, would you share this blog and connect with me on Facebook, Twitter Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads  or consider having me speak at your next event. Visit https://catrinawelch.com for more information.

The Only True Source of Confidence

Life may never be the same after this pandemic, but it sure is good to get back into the salons, even if it’s so much less personal! It’s just easier to cope with all the changes when our nails are finished and our hair is good, isn’t it?

As women, when we feel beautiful, we feel confident.

Achieving beauty is one way we attempt to become confident. Success, wisdom, popularity and strength are other powerful sources for self-esteem. Yet, the moment someone outshines, undermines, devalues or corrects us, we will likely feel defeated, diminished, devalued. 

Is there anything that will truly satisfy our need to feel good about ourselves?

I believe there is one true and lasting source of confidence, and it is Continue reading The Only True Source of Confidence








The Best Solution to Discrimination

Racial discrimination is a serious problem, but prejudice isn’t limited to color or culture. People always “judge a book by its cover,” this is a fact of life. If we are honest, we all make visual assessments and prideful assumptions based on personal experiences and preferences all the time.

  • We choose our communities, caretakers or political parties according to our beliefs, opinions and needs.
  • We use businesses, attend meetings and make friends only if we feel comfortable with those people. 
  • We decide which checkout line we will use according to our assumption of the cashier’s attitude and aptitude.

It is natural and normal to make decisions based on appearances. In fact, you and I decide if we like or trust a person, place or thing within six seconds. Is this wrong? Maybe, but this tendency to make quick judgments can save us time or keep us from danger. 

Sometimes our first impressions are completely off, and we miss out on an opportunity or relationship that we may have enjoyed. Other times our assessments are completely inappropriate and we make harsh judgments based on personal opinions or experiences that have nothing to do with the reality of what–or who–we are criticizing.  Continue reading The Best Solution to Discrimination








The Most Common Question

The Covid-19 stay-at-home-order has put us all in casual dress mode.

I can’t remember the last time I dressed up–even our Easter photo opt. proved to be casual (at least from the waist down!).  My daughter didn’t even have dress shoes since she left college during her spring break, unprepared to come home for the year.

Even though I’m a Dramatic who loves fashion and makeup, my Natural side loves being stuck at home.  I don’t miss my heels at all!

How about you?

I’ve been rather amazed, however, at how much traffic one particular blog is still getting. Since I wrote it in 2012, it has always been my most popular post, but I am surprised that it is even more popular right now during a time when we are all so socially inactive.

Apparently, social distancing does not stop the Beauty Battle within.

Continue reading The Most Common Question








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3 Reasons Beauty is Dangerous

Most women don’t have Confident Beauty because they compare themselves to other styles, but if you have ever been mistreated because of your appearance, you know that Image Issues are more complicated than that, because BEAUTY IS DANGEROUS.

Beauty is dangerous when it defeats us.

Maybe you HATE how you look because you compare your beauty to the models in the media and you feel you don’t measure up. Maybe men have been mean to you or taken advantage of your body. Perhaps it’s women who have mistreated you and tried to demean your beauty so that they feel better about themselves.  Continue reading 3 Reasons Beauty is Dangerous








Do You Have a Laid-back, Casual Kid?

Some children are very calm, cool and collected.

Every two-year-old has their tantrums, but some kids are less concerned about getting their way. Casual children are laidback and tend to go with the flow. It may seem, at times, that they simply don’t care but in reality, the Natural Clothing Personality has a gift for seeing the bigger picture. If your child has an optimistic outlook on life even when things don’t go their way, he or she may be a Casual Kid.

Big kids   

Most Naturals are broad boned and tall in height unless they have a combined Image Identity (Img.ID). Weight is sometimes an issue for this Img.ID because of their structure, but most Naturals are active in sports and nature and usually able to keep their weight under control.  

Casual kids are faithful, low-maintenance friends. Their simplistic outlook and optimistic nature are encouraging and easy to be around. Their laid-back style, however, can be hard for parents to motivate.  As we raise our children, Continue reading Do You Have a Laid-back, Casual Kid?








Is your Child Charming and Compassionate?

Some children are very sensitive about what others feel.

Kids don’t always notice what is going on around them.They are usually too busy playing or dreaming to recognize what someone else may be thinking. Some children, however, are hyper-sensitive to the body language and voice fluctuations of those around them. 

Typically, the Glamorous Clothing Personality is very compassionate. Many kids are sweet and caring, but if your child has a passion for making others comfortable, she or he may be a Romantic Image Identity.

Compassionate kids   

Many Romantics are actually Ingénues as children. The two styles are very much alike except for their figure frames. The Romantic has more curves, and the Ingénue has a straighter, less “fluffy” figure. 

Weight can be an issue for any style, but the Romantic children tend to struggle with the consequences of this the most (the girls especially, since they tend to gain a full bosom before they are emotionally ready to have an adult figure).   Continue reading Is your Child Charming and Compassionate?








Kids with Petite Figures May Be this Style

Children are generally sweet.

Kids aren’t hostile or defensive; they don’t guard their heart until they have been hurt. Instead, they trust people and they believe what is said to them. Some children, however, have a part of their personality that remains naive much longer than others.

Typically, the Delicate Clothing Personality is very trusting. Many kids trust adults, but if your child has a way of giving everyone else the benefit of the doubt, she or he may be a Ingenue Image Identity.

Youthful kids blame themselves. 

Ingénues are imaginative kids who believe in others and doubt themselves. They are very compassionate and usually have a sweet, high voice and gentle nature. They are very creative and make great friends because they want the best for everyone else. If they feel someone else is mistreated, they want to fix it–at their own expense. If they are mistreated, they tend to believe it is their own fault. As we study our children, we would be wise to look deeper than their words or actions. Let’s look at their heart. Continue reading Kids with Petite Figures May Be this Style








Does Your Child Say It Like It Is?

Children are generally bold

Kids aren’t shy about what they are thinking, they “don’t have a filter” until they experience a few embarrassing moments that make them hold back. Some children, however, don’t every grow cautious about speaking up because being bold is part of who they are.

Typically, the Bold Clothing Personality (Gamine: girl or Gamin: boy) is very strong with words. Many kids speak out bluntly, but if your child has a passion for correcting injustice or leading others, she or he may be a Gamine/ Gamin Image Identity.

Bold kids don’t hold back from speaking up. 

Gamines / Gamins are fun kids who love to lead and laugh. They are great at telling stories, directing others and commanding attention. If they feel something is unfair, they will speak up to see that justice is served. If you are the one (in their eyes) at fault, you may have a fight on your hands, but if they feel life is fair, these kids are a blast to be around. They are enthusiastic and very helpful. As we study our children, we would be wise to Continue reading Does Your Child Say It Like It Is?








Confident Classic Kids

Children are like sponges

Kids soak up anything they can lean because  knowledge is an innate human desire. For some, however, learning is more than a desire.

Typically, the Classic Clothing Personality is very intellectual and passionate about education. Many kids love their teachers and want to pursue a teaching career, but if your child talks about one day being the teacher of teachers–or administrator, he or she may have a Classic Image Identity.

Classics are analytical kids, who likes things organized. 

“Look mommy, a pattern!” 

My daughter is a Dramatic. When she was a little girl she got so excited about patterns! Tori loved to work things together and make them look pretty. Your daughter may love patterns too, but her motive may be to make things organized. As we study our children, we would be wise to look deeper than their words or actions. Let’s look at their heart. Continue reading Confident Classic Kids