The Secret to Being Confident 

I suppose there will always be times in life when our confidence is under attack (especially when is your main ministry topic), but I feel like I’m “under gun” in every direction right now.

With the challenges that lie before me, I have become aware of one common denominator that seems to be the secret to overcoming all sorts of Confidence Conflicts: feeling useful. 

Most of us would agree that parenting is one of the most important roles we have in life, right? Yet how many of us have felt the frustration that comes with being unable to get anything done because of the baby’s constant needs?

I am having a hard time feeling useful right now because my granddaughter needs me and my “usefulness” is limited. Add to that, a cold has kept me from being any help to my father who is sick. How frustrating to want to be of use when, not only is there little I can do, but I’m constantly the one in need myself! 

It’s funny, when my own kids were young, I considered the demands of caring for them as my job. Sure, I still worked and kept the house as best I could, but I didn’t feel like a failure if I got behind. If someone stopped by for a visit I was able to relax and enjoy my company without feeling as if I should be doing something productive. Now that I’m starting over, (if you missed it, here’s what is happening in my world) I guess I need to adjust my perspective.

When our task load is overwhelming, we would be wise to keep in mind that our confidence should not come from what we do, but from who we are. 

A stressed and striving woman is not beautiful, no matter how much she gets done! A silent and sorrowful woman wallowing in self-pity is not lovely either. The secret to being a Confident Beauty is in finding peace with who we are. I personally need to remember that my task list has nothing to do with my usefulness or my identity, how about you? Sometimes being still and enjoying the season we are in is actually the most useful we can be.

That being said, I’m going to put my mask back on and go back to rocking my grand girl while visiting with my parents!

After all, the secret to confidence is not being useful, it is feeling useful and sometimes all we can do is change our feelings. 

In general, this Confidence Conflict is harder for those who are task oriented than it is for those who are more relational. 

C: Task Oriented (The Classic)
N: Task Oriented (The Natural)
D: People Oriented (The Dramatic)
I: People Oriented (The Ingénue)
R: People Oriented (The Romantic)
G: Task Oriented (The Gamine) 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

To take my FREE quiz and learn your Image Identity, click here.


As an author and speaker, my passion is in helping women and children overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, I love to use my profession, along with my experiences and training as a Biblical life-coach to help others struggling.

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