Before the clock sticks midnight, how many goals and resolutions will you have set?

The pressure’s on. There’s a fresh, clean calendar in your hand; a chance to start over, reset, begin again. So, what’s your plan?

For many of us, as much as the new year represents a clean slate, it also embodies the unorganized, messy, out of control, old slate of years gone by. Every year we set new goals, and we start the first month with great ambitions and high hopes only to quickly return to our typical MO (Modus Operandi–or default-mode). I cannot tell you how many times I have quickly filled my new calendar with intentions and ambitions only to stress myself out with too much to do. If I did it all I would feel resentful toward those who had an easier schedule. If I didn’t do it all I’d feel the guilt of not accomplishing what I said I would (often only to myself!)

If I am not busy I feel as if I am not important.

The schedule was always a big one for me because a lot of my identity was wrapped up in my busyness. How about you; what’s your “big one”? What makes you feel important, successful, valuable? Chances are it’s more than one thing that drives you–popularity, achievement, appearance, health, strength, financial freedom, these are all areas we all want to do well in–but is there one or two that trip you up?

The core desire of your New Years Resolutions is a big indicator of your Img.ID:

C: Success (The Classic tends to be driven by achievement; her goals often reflect her great ambitions with work or education.)

N: Practical (To the Natural desires simplicity, her goals may not look any different now than they did six months ago, but likely she is slowly and consistently still going after them.)

D: Relational (The Dramatic typically wants to be surrounded by people, but her private nature makes it hard for her to feel close to others, making relationships an important goal)

I: Personal (The Ingénue is often hard on herself and her goals reflect great ambitions to improve her already beautiful character.)

R: Compassion (The Romantic is often so focused on others that even her goals are about helping someone else.)

G: Fun (The Gamine is a high achiever and already ambitious at work, her goals are often about loosing up and having fun for a change.) 

Click the letter to learn more about that Image Identity, including What2Wear.

It took me a long time to recognized that the way I handled my schedule was actually a major Confidence Conflict. I would literally become anxious when  something would cancel in my schedule. Instead of pausing to catch my breath, I would hustle in a panic. I wanted to use my time wisely but there was so many demands I couldn’t decide which to do. It wasn’t as obvious when I had children at home, but once I was alone in my anxiety I couldn’t deny that I was afraid to slow down. I began to ask myself why free time stressed me out.

Sometimes we play mind games with ourselves. 

No matter what we value, if we feel we do not deserve it, then we may subconsciously sabotage our chance to achieve it.

I began to plan out every minute of my day–even down time–yet wouldn’t follow the plan because, in reality, I valued a balanced life, but felt I could never do enough to actually deserve it. I was manipulating my own mind in order to feel like I was going after my goals but in reality I was only frustrating myself.

As we start this new year, would you join me in laying aside resolutions to do better? Yes, looking good, having friends, being successful, enjoying down time, these are all valuable ambitions, but if we do not feel we deserve them, we will never allow our heart to want them. And in the end we really only do what we want. This year I don’t want to do better with my schedule. I want to do better at being honest with myself because I know now that in order to change my ways, I need to understand and love myself better. In doing so, I will understand and love others better, and what can be a better resolution than that?

*****

As an author and speaker, Catrina’s passion is in helping women and girls overcome confidence conflicts, especially those involving rejection, betrayal and loss. After 30 years in the beauty industry as both a cosmetologist and an image consultant, Catrina now uses her profession, her own powerful stories and her training as a Biblical life-coach to reach the heart in a way that is relatable, encouraging and inspiring. Her message is balanced with both fashion and faith and is making a difference  in the lives of women and girls all over!  To be part of this movement, connect with her on Facebook, Twitter,  Pinterest, Linked In, Goodreads  and consider having her speak at your next event. Visit https://catrinawelch.com for more information.

Whenever we face a personal crisis, it will become a public matter. The bigger the crisis, the broader the audience of eyes watching our drama. This is part of living in a news-driven, gossip-seeking society.

It’s also part of being human.

When I was going through my divorce, I hated this fact of life. It felt like criticism and condemnation. Human nature tends to feel the need to judge our mess, choose what they believe and pick a side, often without reconsidering the first story they heard.

When I lost my daughter, I eventually embraced the idea of having so many people watching our story because I knew that they loved and supported us. There was no judgment to be made–except by those who wanted to blame God, but few spoke to us that way since it was so obvious that God and His people were the ones carrying us through and giving us strength.

When my son’s addiction first came to light, I feared the fact that others were talking about it and watching us. Fear is not healthy or empowering; it is destructive and disabling. In may ways, the fear made the problem even worse.

Today’s drug issues are not as much of a stigmatism as they were five years ago, but the fear still runs rampant. Last week I blogged about the various ways we handle life’s ugly pits. Because of the responses I got, I know I need to continue on this scary journey of being vulnerable with my mess so that We all remember we are not alone.

People will always judge.

Don’t let the fear of someone else’s opinion rob your strength; choose to let it empower you. Consider what people say. If you see any truth in it, then bravely deal with it. Have a grateful heart; someone cared enough to speak up. No matter what their attitude was, their vision can broaden yours–if you chose not to allow pride blind you.

Let go of all the parts that are not true.

If they are completely wrong and rude, do not waist any more time or strength on their opinion. Let your frustration empower you to do what you need to do to deal with your crisis.

People will always watch.

Don’t let your audience give you stage fright, choose to keep preforming. Not to say that you are putting on an act, but there are times when life is so hard that you must simply keep going through the motions. That can be extra difficult when others are observing your every move.

Be confident and do it anyway.

When we first found out that Rebecca would not live long, we were helping to lead a youth group. The kids and their parents were devastated, of course. We understood their horror at our news, but were confused by the response we received.

What do people say when they watch you in a crisis?

C: “You are so in control.”

N: “You are so calm.”

D: “You are so strong.”

I: “I am so sorry, can I help?”

R: “Are you ok? Please let me help.”

G: “I’m sorry.”

Click the letter of the response you typically get to see if it may be an indication of your personal Img.ID  For more, search your Img.ID on my website.

Some of our messes are so ugly that those watching are uncomfortable.

Because of the innate nature to judge others, it’s only natural for people around us to try to read how we are doing and respond accordingly. The most common response my husband and I got with the news that Rebecca had Trisomy 18 was, “You are handling it so well.” Which was actually quite frustrating since we felt as if we couldn’t handle it at all! (I didn’t quite understand then that, as a Dramatic, I looked stronger than I actually was.)

I remember pouring out my frustration in prayer one day and feeling as if God literally spoke to my heart, “Catrina, I know it feels like they are judging you again, but you are judging them as well. They are not excusing themselves from helping you by assuming you are fine. They are misreading you. Show them your heart; and judge only their heart–not the awkward words they use to try to express their desire to be a part of your crisis.”

Embracing the stage.

If you are struggling with the fact that others are observing your personal drama, I encourage you to turn to the Director. God understands all the details, including what you (and others!) are feeling. If He has allowed a crisis into your life, then I have to believe that He thinks you can handle the stage. Don’t loose focus of your part in the play for fear of the critics.

Let’s not put on an act for those watching our crisis. Instead, let’s put on the garment of Confident Faith and BE and LET BE.