There is a balance between self-care and selfishness. Finding this balance will likely always be a challenge for most of us. I’m fifty-two years old, yet I, too, often feel the guilt of taking time for myself, especially now that I have slipped back into a self-sacrificing mommy mode.
The “mommy-mode” of always putting others first is actually a beautiful thing when our heart is right.
To be “others-conscious” and put our family’s needs above our own is sweet and honorable.
As long as our heart is.
Since my last post, I have been swept up in a tornado of drama and difficulties that tend to consume those of us who love an addict. The chaos and confusion isn’t new to me, but over the past years of my son’s addiction, I’ve found a way to continue with most aspects of my own life, no matter how out of control his was. This time, however, Continue reading Finding Balance When Life Changes→
The heart of my ministry to women throughout the years has mostly been about teaching women to cast their cares on the One who cares for them, to do what it takes to meet their own needs, and to have a cheerful heart toward their responsibilities to their loved ones.
Women were designed to help others. We are nurturers and comforters and our power to influence those around us is stronger than we seem to understand. But “if mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I love that saying (you see it all over my website) because it is a powerful reminder of how much our attitude can change the atmosphere around us, causing a catch 22 of misery loves (or more accurately: demands!) company.
We have to be careful as wives and moms… and sisters and friends… to choose our battles wisely. Solomon knew what he was talking about when he said “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” Prov. 13:12 no doubt, with as many wives as he had, he understood how a disappointment can shut a woman down emotionally (yea, I know men do too, but they usually fight it out and are over with it, we tend to hang on to our stuffed-away-bitterness and slam doors instead of our bewildered offenders who simply want to get away from us.)
Often the battle we are trying to fool ourselves into believing we are not fighting is over something as simple as the left behind jacket (shoes… towels… dishes… you name it!) Wouldn’t it be nice if others saw our needs and met them the way we do for them?
They say that “communication is key” but man, it feels like nagging when we have to ask them once again to pick up their things or to put the dish in the dishwasher!
I have come up with two ideas that have helped me stay happy so my family can live in their own home with peace. This Tuesday’s Tip is not about image, although it’s a close priority, it is about keeping up the house.
The buy-back-bin: when my family leaves things out I put them on the steps to be taken up and put away on their way up the stairs. If they do not get the hint, their item ends up in a bin in my coat closet where it stays until requested, or I decide it is time. Items are returned to the child to be put away after they buy them make from me. The price? 10 push-ups or 10 sit-up per item. My kids stay fit, and I stay happy. Actually, they love it too; It has become a “I got you!” game in my house instead of a battle.
We’ve been playing it for years now. The dishes are another story. I just recently figured this one out.
I’ve been training my daughter to take over the dreaded chore. Now she fights the urge to nag. One day she voiced her frustration to me. I sympathized and told her how I always wanted to make a sign… she asked me to do it.
The obnoxious posting: I could justify framing the subtle UNnagging since I was helping my little girl keep her chore done for more than an hour, so I put it in our shiny clean sink:
You’ve got to try it!
It works! We tease each other now when we don’t take advantage of our modern day convenience.
Titus 2:4,5 … admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, haste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.