Tag Archives: trisomy 18

Helplessly Helpful

Faith, Greif, Life, , ,

With so much neglect, abuse and addiction running ramped in our society, what do you do when you want to help someone you really care about but you just don’t know how to help?

imagesUndoubtedly, every one of us has faced an emotional, spiritual or physical difficulties that we can be confident that others will survive. After all, we did. But helping a friend with something that we have no understanding of can truly be a challenge. The people we love do not deserve inadequate assistance–not on their good days and certainly not when their need is exposed and vulnerable. Half-hearted counsel from someone who cannot relate to the crisis at hand is a bit like offering them a squirt gun to put out their house fire.

I’ve been on the receiving end of that kind of help during my grief. “Don’t worry, you can always have another child.” “At least you don’t have a lot of memories with your daughter.” Logic doesn’t always help. I get it, because I tried that method of helping for many years but I have leaned now that true compassion respects other people’s boundaries and that includes their emotions and their will. You and I cannot fix every problem and unfortunately, letting other people make their own choices can be a lot harder than taking control. It’s also very difficult when they are ready for help and we don’t know what to do. In that situation I am learning to follow the example of Jesus’ disciples.

Act 3:2-8 Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.

If you are trying to help someone with circumstances that are far out of your league of understanding, don’t try to forge up feelings of empathy or fix it with advice you’ve never had to take; instead simply direct them to the One who is able to really help.

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

 

 

Mourning Turned to Eternal Joy

Greif, ,

1427832-3-the-butterfly-quoteThis weekend marks the anniversary of our daughter’s death. Rebecca was a Trisomy 18 baby who’s three weeks of life far exceeded the doctor’s expectations. If you have ever lost a child, you know there are many questions that torment you throughout the grieving process. For me, one of the hardest ones was, “would she remain a baby in Heaven or would she grow up there?” Before I could move on with my life, I needed to know if I would recognize her when I reached Eternity myself. I searched the Bible tenaciously until I finally found my answer.

When Jesus returned to His disciples after His resurrection, they did not recognize Him until He showed them His scars. It seems to me that a resurrected body is healed and whole–but it is the same body. My heart has settled on the idea that maybe Rebecca will remain a “baby” for eternity (though I am sure that she will not be held back by any physical or mental ailments). This brings me great comfort because I cannot think of anything that contends with the joy of holding a baby, and I feel as though I see a glimpse of a bigger picture.

Right after Rebecca’s death I lost my business partner to lung cancer. Janice never had children. I can’t help but wonder if God wants babies in Heaven to complete His family there and bless those who missed out here. I do not claim to understand it all, but one thing I believe with all my heart: Some things we just cannot understand because we do not have the whole picture, but we can trust the One who does. Maybe the things that break our hearts while we live here on Earth were actually designed to bring us great joy for all eternity.

God, would you help us with the things we just cannot get our head around? There is so much we don’t know, but we thank you that we can put our confidence in You and Your character. Amen.

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Acceptance with Joy

Greif, Life, ,

…for He makes His sun rise on the evil and good, and sends rain on the just and unjust. Matthew 5:45b

I could reason with this scripture before the downpour in my own life. After losing my baby girl I had a choice to make: could I still trust the goodness of the One who had given her to me and then taken her back so quickly?

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It had been about 5 weeks since Rebecca’s death when my husband and I took our boys away for some time together as a family. We chose to escape to the desert of New Mexico and visit Ron’s dad where there was few people and many amazing terrains. Quiet, lonely places that are full of beauty have a way of allowing the human heart to hear God’s voice; and that is what we needed. Desperately.

One day we set out on a hike as a family and found ourselves alone as a couple. We were standing at the edge of a dry gorge in awe of it’s depth and beauty. Rushing waters had once run through this place–like the joy that once filled our hearts–but both were all dried up now. Knowing our boys were enjoying their Gandpa-time, we took a moment to share our hearts as grieving parents. Like the canyon below us, it seemed impossible that we could ever be full again. We each wanted to feel joy again, at least for our boys’ sake, we just didn’t know how. We whispered a little prayer requesting strength to go on.

When we make a request known to God, we should certainly wait and listen–especially during a precious moment like that, but  we had to get back to our responsibilities, so we turned to leave. That’s when II noticed a little flower at my feet and bust into tears.

I had been reading Hinds Feet in High Places and was feeling a lot like the character, Much-Afraid, who also found a flower in the desert place named Acceptance-with-Joy.

God was whispering to my heart. “Will you accept your circumstances as they are and trust Me to make it beautiful in my time?” It was as though the only speck of color in the bounty of sand was challenging me to accept the pain we were enduring like we would accept a flower.

After explaining my tears to my husband, he picked the flower for me and suddenly we both felt a sweet and subtle blossom break way in the dry soil of our hearts–Acceptance-with-Joy.

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For more stories of the things God taught us during our daughter’s quick and powerful life, please find my books on Amazon, especially: Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing a Trisomy-18 Baby.

 

 

 

Let Them Stare!

Greif, Life, Personal Style, , , ,


And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Rebecca w ron's fingerI was pregnant with Rebecca when the doctors were trying to count her fingers and thought maybe she didn’t have them all because she held them so tight and they overlapped. Rebecca was my first girl and I was looking forward to the day I would hold those hands in mine and give her her first manicure. But they were telling me that the number of digits she had was the least of my worries.

You don’t hear of Trisomy 18 too often because most babies with this condition are aborted or stillborn; and those that do survive birth do not usually live longer than five days.

Rebecca lived three weeks before she passed away. During those three weeks, and the many, many long ones to follow, we had to wrestle out this stuff with God: Why is life unfair, and what do we do with all the people staring at us?

It wasn’t just our daughter’s uncommon beauty that people stared at.

Losing a child is out of the norm, and it makes people uncomfortable. Many times I’ve had conversations suddenly become awkward after I spoke of my loss; suddenly I became “different” to the one I was conversing with, and unless they had dealt with grief themselves, they no longer knew what to do or say around me; they stepped back and just stared.

Some things just don’t make sense in life, and we just have to choose to trust God or not. It’s not an easy decision, but I can tell you from experience that it is easier to give it all to Him than to become bitter toward Him. My husband and I figured out that if we could not trust God, there was no one we could trust, and we would be completely alone in our battle.

We chose to cast all our cares on Him, and He carried us through … not that the battle is over, but He promises to give us strength to handle whatever comes our way. We look at it like this: If there were nothing “unfair” and we had no weaknesses or challenges, then our lives might be easier, but they would be empty and meaningless.

As they say, “nothing good in life comes easy.” Having confidence in who you are and what your purpose is may not be easy, but it is good!

If you struggle with life being unfair to you, or you are tortured with thoughts about who you are–or who you are not–wrestle it out with God. Tell Him how you feel about it. Ask Him to help you deal with it. Perhaps that is the very purpose for Him allowing it: to draw you closer to Him.

He knows you better than you know yourself. Maybe He wants to use you the way He is using my husband and me. We have come to believe it is an honor and a privilege that others stare at us because of our loss. You see, if we were just like everyone else, no one would really get drawn to God by us.

Is there something about you that makes others stare at you? Let them look! And let God use you! I believe that is why He put your imperfection there; it captures others. Think about it: He trusts you to show His glory far more than the average girl who blends into the crowd.

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their image issues. It is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Loosing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available soon.

If you are interested in getting these books or having Catrina come speak at your event, you can contact her at www.CatrinaWelch.com or on facebook.

When Others Stare

Greif, Life, Personal Style, , , ,

One of my favorite topics to speak to women about is the Image Issues and Confidence Conflicts that come with exceptional beauty and unusual beauty.

No one really wants to look like the average girl, yet we can become so uncomfortable when our image is outstanding-be that good or bad- it is simply an “issue” when others stare.

Your beauty has a purpose to draw others toward you, to reflect to them the heart of the One who made you. It does not require perfection. Just as the moon reflects the glory of the sun though it has many blotches, is far dimmer than the sun, and is even a different color, it brings forth light to the world. The moon is not bright and beautiful because of it’s own glory, but because of the glory it reflects. A woman’s beauty is the same way.

If you are drawing others to your Creator, you are beautiful!

Rebecca close upYou may know, my husband and I had a Trisomy 18 baby who is now with Jesus. Rebecca had one more of chromosome number 18 than you and I have, which is why she had so many deformities (apparent ones, and ones unseen; including five major heart defects.) I do not believe that any of these irregularities came as a surprise to her Designer. I believe He chose each chromosome for her, just as He does for each of us.

I remember the day of Rebecca’s dedication. During the service I was holding her tiny body in my arms just staring at her delicate deformities, completely in awe how different she was. As we began singing “I sing for Joy at the works of your hands, forever I’ll love you, forever I’ll stand. Nothing compares to the promise I have in You” I realized I was holding in my arms a great work of the hands of a Mighty God. This child was not a mistake; she was a special design of a very creative Father.

Our baby was absolutely beautiful to me and to her daddy, and certainly to the One who created her. His Word says it, I believe it, and that is something that forever I will stand on. Why do I tell you this? Because I want you to know that you are beautiful to your Father in Heaven too; no matter what your imperfections may be, compare them only to the promises you have in Him.

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their image issues. It is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Loosing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available soon.

If you are interested in getting these books or having Catrina come speak at your event, you can contact her at www.CatrinaWelch.com or on facebook.

 

God’s Comfort to our Friends and Family

Greif, Life, , ,

 What an honor it was to be interviewed by talk show host Kellie Peterson of  Everyday Wisdom for Families this morning. Whether you got to hear it or not, I’d love to share with you the poem I read to her listeners.

This is a word God gave to me one night after laying Rebecca down to sleep. We shared it at her funeral less than three weeks later. Please feel free to print it and share it with someone you know who may be going through a difficult season. 

The Joy of the Lord is our strength.

This child is my gift to you, like a delicate flower.

Do not expect her life to last like that of a carnation.

Her purpose here is a quick and powerful one.

Enjoy each moment.

Do not waste time in meaningless comparison,

And do not get caught in the trap of self-pity,

Or you will miss the blessings I have in store for you.

I love you and long to bear this yoke with you.

I want to ease your pain; I do not want to take it away.

Because if I did, I would take away all the victories, the lessons,

The character being created in you.

I promise, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.

I will bear this load with you, if you just draw near to me.

Trust in me, and tell of the wonders you will see.

There are great riches in store for you,

But if you only look at the pain and sorrow, that is all you will see.

Look unto Me and my Son.

When you want to find comfort in the sympathy of others

When you feel as though no one understands,

When you are tempted to sit and compare your circumstances with others,

Look at the cross, look at the life of my Son.

He understands.

He knows what it is like to anticipate great trials and great pain.

He understands rejection and betrayal.

He knows misunderstandings and false accusations.

He understands what it is like to be raised by a father who is not his own.

He has felt every physical and emotional pain.

He has felt separation from Me,

And I have felt the great pain of losing a child I so dearly loved.

Let me bear this cross with you.

You have honored me as Creator and Master; right now, let me be your “Daddy.”

Climb into my lap, and I will give you rest.

Wait upon me and I will renew your strength.

Trust in Me, and I will provide all your needs.

But if you turn from Me, and blame Me, How can I reach you?

I will wait, and I will welcome you back when you are done with your fight,

But I will not fight back. I am a gentleman.

I will stand at the door and knock, but you must open the door.

Only then will I enter in; and you and I shall dine together.

I will be your God, I will provide for you, protect you, comfort you and counsel you.

I love you and My grace is sufficient for you.

My power is made perfect in weakness.

Give to me your challenges, I find that to be the greatest gift of all.

And you will know my peace.

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their image issues. It is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Loosing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available soon.

If you are interested in getting these books or having Catrina come speak at your event, you can contact her at www.CatrinaWelch.com or on facebook.

Straight Paths

Greif, Life,

Proverbs 3:5, 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in al your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.

One day a farmer asked his two sons to walk a straight line across his field of freshly fallen snow. The first son saw the opportunity to do something simple and without hesitating, picked a tree across the field and walked straight to it. His footprints proved his confidence; each step lay there in perfect alignment.

Wanting desperately to please his dad as much as his brother did, the second son carefully calculated each step he took. Heal to toe he placed each foot down to leave a trail as accurate as his brothers, but his focus was so intent on his feet that he had no idea the line he formed zigzaged as his balance was wobbling back and forth.

Last week, my blog was about leaving impressions as we walk through life, I realized that my life’s most impressive footprints are the ones Jesus left when He was carrying me through the loss of my daughter in 1999.

This week, as I faced new challenges, I found myself looking at my feet.

Sometimes I try so hard to please my Father that I carefully calculate each step so as not to mess up. Like the farmer’s second son, I have had my vision so focused on my next step that I have lost my way. My heal-to-toe precision has only slowed me down and frustrated the people in my life that I long to lead. Especially my kids.

Parenting is no easy task, and when we face battles we don’t know how to handle, it seems there is a default button that makes us look so carefully at our feet. I don’t know about you, but when I want desperately to do a job well, I sometimes forget the greater purpose, and only focus on the imprint I’m trying to make. Actually, more accurately: I stand there swaying with my stance too narrow and my balance all off, looking back at what I’ve done or said horrified that my footprints are way out of line.

Some say, “slow and steady wins the game,” but slowing down and focusing on the game so much that I don’t even remember where I am headed does not win.

It’s time to lift my eyes again, and do like the wiser brother did: focus on the goal, and just keep walking with confidence.

 

God, help us all to keep our eyes set upon You and the goal You have set before us. We want to be less concerned with how we are performing than we are of where we are headed. None of us will hit the mark right on, but all of us will leave footprints behind us, help us to take steps worthy for others to follow.

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their image issues. It is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Loosing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available soon.

If you are interested in getting these books or having Catrina come speak at your event, you can contact her at www.CatrinaWelch.com or on facebook.

Don’t Waist Your Pain

Greif, Life, ,

Today would have been my baby’s 13th birthday had God granted her the time. He didn’t; He gave her only three quick weeks of life.


Shattered dreams leave deep wounds in our hearts, and the healing is a slow process. It takes time to work through all the pain and confusion; but when we do, we receive beautiful life-changing revelations that should be shared with others. It is easy to become bitter, afraid and recluse, it is more challenging to believe there is good in the midst of bad. Our family has chosen to stand on our belief that God has a plan that we can trust and that He works all things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)

Rebecca was a Trisomy 18 baby with many physical challenges that gave her a 95% chance of being stillborn. I was blessed to hold my baby 21 many more days than other Trisomy moms; how could I complain?

Today I have been preparing our traditional fish dinner and setting out little keepsakes for my three other children to remind them again this year that though I miss their sister, I celebrate them on her birthday. Rebecca’s short life had a big impact on their lives. That is not a bad thing. It is good for them to have a story to tell, especially if it encourages others.

I used to thi

nk that my testimony was nothing to offer because it was so simple and pure. Now I feel the pain I have suffered has brought much value to my story. I wouldn’t trade my sorrows for the world. In many ways I think of my loss as an honor. I do not like being the center of attention, but it seems to me that the difficulties, caused others to watch us, which gives us an opportunity to shine and bring hope and courage to our onlookers – who may not have ever noticed us otherwise. The process of grief has shown me that life isn’t all about me.

I want God to get the glory in all I do, and if it means being humble enough to let others look, and vulnerable enough to share my heart, even at the risk of criticism or pity, then so be it. I don’t want to waist my pain.

 

In order to give others the most beautiful things in life, sometimes we must hold a stem full of thorns.  Let’s do it anyway.

 

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Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their image issues. It is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Loosing a Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available soon.

If you are interested in getting these books or having Catrina come speak at your event, you can contact her at www.CatrinaWelch.com or on facebook.