Tag Archives: balance

How Discomfort Creates Confidence

If you have ever been in an uncomfortable situation, you know that your confidence is the first thing affected. Think about the last time you found yourself shaking in your boots. What made you feel self-conscious, was it when:

  • You were physically, emotionally or spiritually challenged?
  • You received personal, unwanted feedback regarding something you need to improve?
  • You did, said or dressed inappropriately?

There will always be times in our lives when we step out–or are pushed out–of our comfort zone. The key to success is embracing these times so that they create something new in us instead of squelching us. Last week I shared with you how my new assistant coaching position has challenged my confidence. I wish I could say I have it all figured out now and I’m feeling like a Confident Beauty. But I haven’t, and I don’t. But I am loving the challenge. It’s physically strenuous, emotionally daunting and honestly spiritually challenging (my pride is really struggling!). I’m definitely not the victor in all arenas, but I have to say, Continue reading How Discomfort Creates Confidence

3 Methods of Managing Stress Confidently

Summer is officially here. School’s out, kids are home, trips are being planned, company is coming… there’s more daylight in our busy days, so why not do more, right? As a Native Cape Codder, I always keep a bathing suit and towel in the trunk of my car during the summer–just in case there’s a moment between work and errands to grab some quick “beach therapy.” It doesn’t take long to get my “fix” a 10 minute walk or 20 minutes of gauzing on the beauty of our shores refuels my fire like nothing else.

How about you, how do you find peace when you are overwhelmed or stressed out?

Some women take charge.  Continue reading 3 Methods of Managing Stress Confidently

The Beauty of Easter

If you have ever had one, you know how all-consuming the pain can be. There are few things that can stop a woman in her tracks like a full-blown migraine. Of course, there are plenty of things that are all-consuming and do slow us down a lot. Like broken relationships, fear, rejection and the big one: any concern–no matter how small–for our children.

Through most of the challenges we face, even when we cannot smile or act as if we are okay, we do our best to keep going. (I may be a emotional mess at times, but seldom will I let my house become one!) Some physical or emotional pain can be pushed through; some pain, however, only intensifies when we try to push ourselves. (When I have a migraine, I don’t even care about the order of my house!)

headache-1428019-639x469Grief is like a migraine.

When any pain becomes so sever that you cannot function, you are wise to stop everything and give yourself some time to recover.

That is what the disciples did when Jesus died. Read through the end of the gospels and you will see how much of a mess they were; and why shouldn’t they be? All their hopes, dreams, beliefs and motives had just been crucified on that cross with the friend they were sure was about to become their king. Their future was now in shambles. Life had abruptly stopped for them. Continue reading The Beauty of Easter

Don’t Get Sucked Down the Drain of Depression

Physical pain is an infliction on the psyche as much as it is a debilitation to the lifestyle. Disappointment in one’s own restricted abilities can create an internal confidence conflict that is hard to shake. I’m sure you have had an experience where an injury not only kept you from doing something, but also nag at you with thoughts of inadequacy with each painful move.

Recently I had to retire from my first love: cosmetology. I’ve developed tendinosis, a degeneration of the tendons in my right shoulder and arm. Sharp, gnawing pain has been chanting the lyrics of one of my dad’s silly song in my mind repeatedly. Have I really become “old, tiered, bent and busted”?

I try to make my weakness no big deal. I’m just injured. Maybe it’s simply time I focus more on my new love: writing and speaking. The thing is, my pain put me in an emotional funk, making it hard to focus at all. I allowed my discouragement to rule my thoughts. When your body is screaming at you to focus on pain, you do.

That may be a logical requirement for healing, but I was battling that logic. To some of us women, it feels more like selfishness to care for ourselves than it does to become discouraged and needy. This confusion can send us on an emotional spiral–like the water being sucked down a drain–into a deep depression.

Don't get sucked down the drain of depression

If there is anything I learned with the loss of my daughter, it is:

Stop the spiral, quick!

 

Which, of course, is a lot easier said than done. In fact, I cannot even imagine how to plug the drain of depression without either shutting off all emotion or getting help. For me and my husband, it was only by the power of prayer and the support of each other that we learned to redirect our thinking in order to stay away from the drain. Grief has its challenges because the thoughts that begin to “suck you in” are often beautiful memories and changing them feels like disloyalty to the one we love. I guess that’s where our faith came in. We believe God cares and that His plan is perfect even though we do not understand, which makes it easier for us to turn our memories toward thankfulness instead of bitterness. But that’s a blog for another day.

basin-248640_640

 

When it comes to injury and pain management, it’s a different ball game–or shall I say: sink.

 

You may remember from the blog about my embarrassing fall, that I am learning the balance between being desolate and demanding. I don’t want to be the girl who doesn’t care for herself at all; disrespect of self only breeds rejection. Neither do I want to be the girl (ok, getting-old-lady…) who expects everyone else to understand, care about and meet my needs and desires. I am responsible to take care of myself and when there are times I need assistance with what I cannot do, then I need to to request (and allow!) help without whining, manipulating or demanding; this breeds respect. 

The thing is, I’m still learning to take responsibility for my emotions as well as my physical needs.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

Last night I threw a party for my girlfriends. I found this great new line of cosmetics, and I wanted them to experience the fiber lashes. Our time together totally lifted my heart out of the drain. My injury hadn’t only caused my early retirement, it also changed my 30-year identity, took my spending money and worst of all: my girlfriend time! No wonder I have been in such a funk.

I know some of us (typically Dramatics, Ingénues and Gamines) need social events more than others (Romantics, Naturals, Classics) but we all need girlfriend time! 

If you are feeling down and drained today, explore your heart and consider what you may need to fell joy again. Perhaps you, too, need to throw a party and focus on spoiling others for a change. Or maybe it’s time you spoil yourself. If you find respite in a walk on the beach, excitement in a competitive game, satisfaction in creating something beautiful, or fulfillment in simply being heard, then make the time to care for your needs–emotionally and physically. Remember:

If mamma’ ain’t happpy, ain’t nobody happy!

Taking care of you is actually selfless and makes you will be better able to take care of those who need you.

for more information, visit me at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Are you Confident they Love You?

When my little boy was acting up, I would often ask, “Do you need a time-out or a hug?” I was learning the ropes of parenting as a single mom and I was never really sure how to discipline correctly. Sometimes kids act up because they are hungry or lonely. It’s hard to know what they need unless we really study them. After all, sometimes I act up and I don’t even know what I need!

A time-out please. In the tub. Continue reading Are you Confident they Love You?

Is your Busyness Wearing You Out? 

wonder womanBusy people are happy people.” I used to say with a chuckle every time someone told me I was doing too much.

That’s not my response any more.

I guess my busyness wore out my happiness. Eventually I had to find a better way.

Seek peace and pursue it” is more my mantra now. The crazy lifestyle that comes with an overbooked schedule got the best of me–and those around me. No one wants my stress added to theirs anymore than they want to sit down to visit and have me telling them to lift their feet so I can vacuum. I had become a disgruntled woman who felt pressured to take care of everyone else’s needs and responsibilities, but then resented them for not taking care of mine. How ugly!

After some difficult reality checks, I made a conscious decision to change my ways. But first I had to examine my heart.

  • Was I so prideful to think I was the best girl for all these jobs?
  • Was I a pushover and afraid to say no?
  • Was I seeking approval and feeling a need to be Wonder Woman?
  • Was I a control freak who needs everything done my way?
  • Was I a woman of low self-esteem who felt she should serve others because they were more valuable than me?

Perhaps I was all of the above, but I didn’t want to be any of them anymore. I needed some answers.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.     Galatians 6:2- 5

If you are feeling overwhelmed by a busy life, I encourage you to take an assessment of your motives. Be sure you are taking charge of your own responsibilities (your load) and allowing others to do the same. When their load becomes a burden, help them. When crisis arrises and your load is more than you can bear, allow others to help you. This can be done when you know your purpose and take pleasure in using your gifts to help others.

I’ve personally found that the tasks and temptations of busyness simply don’t draw me in me like they used to and it’s not only easier to say “no” to things that stress me out, it’s easier to say “yes” to things I know I can do.  I think the “rejoicing in himself alone” is found in the peace and joy of living a balanced life. And it’s available to everyone of us if we seek it and pursue it.   

*****

Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Discovering Self-Confidence Takes Self-Discovery

Life is a journey in search for significance. Our innate desire to be valued is apparent as soon as we enter this world. Newborns thrive when they feel loved; a neglected baby suffers not only emotionally but physically. Each of us is born with a strong desire to know who we are. A child is like a thirsty sponge, soaking up knowledge through experience, words, actions or expectations. It is only natural that she assumes that what she learns is truth. One experience can develop an entire belief system before she is mature enough to reason whether it is true, tainted or opinionated. Unless she revisits what she believes she may not even realize she is basing that area of her life on a lie.

girl twirlA little girl is applauded for dancing in her dress-up clothes. She believes she is worthy of attention and decides she must demand it. Another girl is condemned for the same foolish and frivolous way of showing off. She becomes embarrassed by her desire to look lovely and decides not to be vulnerable again.
 
A young lady finds it easy to turn heads. She believe the attention she gets is her worth any sacrifice she needs to make. Another girl feels invisible, she decides that attempting to look good is a waste of time.
 

As we develop our individuality we need to decide: do we accept our belief system, or rebel against it? I think most of us do a mixture of both–especially when we are teens–and then eventually we settle on what we want to believe. Some of areas of our life are easier than others:

A new wife offers a meal that her husband does not like. His comments make her believe she is a bad cook, but she continues to do her best anyway.
 

Unless she is attacked personally or has a big dream in that area (i.e.. cooking), most insults don’t rock a mature woman’s confidence. Tell her she can’t clean and she might laugh. Tell her she looks old or ugly and she might cry… or fight, or shut down emotionally. Whatever her response–even if it is stuffed away and hidden from sight–it will be strong if the area is her beauty, and helping her sort out what she believes may take a bit more effort than telling her you were just joking.

If you have ever battled with emotions about your image, I encourage you to take a look at what you believe about yourself. Discovering self-confidence takes some serious self-discovery. Dare to be like a child again. You have mature reasoning now, maybe it’s time to let go of some of the decisions you made when you were younger. For help walking through these questions, be sure to check out my Bible Study on this topic, Supreme MakeOver, a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. 

*****

Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with overcoming rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

Coming Out of the Closet

nose in airWomen with confident beauty are content with who they are. This does not mean that they have no need to improve, nor does it mean that there is nothing that they are ashamed of. In fact, they usually have a very good perspective of both their strengths and their weaknesses. Confidence is the ability to hold your head high without sticking your nose in the air. It’s all about balance.
Perhaps you are struggling with balance today. I struggle with it all the time and I help women with this struggle as well–especially when it comes time to go through their wardrobe! “Coming out of the closet” may be a term coined by those dealing with gender identity, but in my opinion it’s something we all need to do with our personal identity.
Your closet represents your true self. Sometimes what you wear is a facade, a false-identity. This doesn’t necessarily mean you are a phony, in fact it seldom does. Usually this simply means you are still trying to understand yourself, and if you are like the majority of our society, then you know this doesn’t just happen. But when it does, it is exhilarating. I experienced this liberation the day I was told my clothing personality, and enjoying the enthusiasm my clients have when they suddenly recognize their Img.ID is still my favorite part of being an image consultant.
Confidence is not just about how you look, it’s about coming out of the closet. I always loved fashion but was too shy to BE who I was designed to be. I wanted to wear all the makeup and accessories, but until I was told it was right for me I thought it was only for the beautiful (and vain!) girls. I’ve seen many women experience the opposite: they are relieved they do not have to wear all that “junk” once they know they are a casual beauty or they are thrilled to know they just need to add color or texture or lace…
Sometimes it takes a small glance inside your own heart to release you from all the expectations placed on you from men, media and mom.
Before we go any further with your wardrobe rehab, let me ask you the most important question of all:
Are you ready to come out of the closet and BE who you were designed to BE?
Well then, who are you?

  1. Classy, refined, proper, professional, calm, poised, warm, gracious, refined, polished, elegant, cultured, meticulous.
  2. Casual, unpretentious, conservative, practical, reliable, dependable, responsible, loyal.
  3. Exotic,unique, imaginative, independent, sophisticated, artsy, stylish, friendly, fun.
  4. Delicate, gentle, sweet, soft spoken, graceful, youthful, modest, shy, considerate, supportive.
  5. Glamorous, feminine, charming, sensitive, sympathetic, accommodating, sensual, alluring, glamorous, flirtatious.
  6. Bold, animated, fun, energetic, enthusiastic, opinionated, bold, bouncy, snappy, spunky, charmer.

*****

Catrina Welch is an inspirational author and speaker whose personal experience with overcoming rejection, betrayal and loss–as well as her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach–is empowering women to BE and LET BE.

Her latest book, CONFIDENT BEAUTY: Reflecting the One Who Made You, with the Images in your Mirror and in your Soul, is now available in your favorite bookstores. Autographed copies of all her books are available on her website at www.CatrinaWelch.com

 

Is Fashion Foolish?

Confident Beauty respects herselfMy grandmother was known around Wellfleet as, “the lady with the hair.” She died at 67 still having a long, red mane, which was always tied back loosely with a simple scarf. As a little girl I was in awe of her confident beauty.

Some people think it is shallow, selfish or vain that so much of a woman’s confidence is rooted in her beauty. But how many of those people feel the same way about a man’s need for strength?

Men are respected for their desire to be strong. Women are expected to be beautiful, yet they are considered foolish for following fashion and assumed conceited when do they look good. This confusing message causes an inner turmoil that I call the “Beauty Battle” and it wages war within every feminine heart starting at a young age. The battle climaxes in our teens and twenties and continues throughout middle age, when we find on a means of coping with it. Some of us decide to hate our beauty and hide it, others strive to attain it, determined not to give up, but very few do not get hung up on it somehow. Studies show that most women don’t really feel confident until they are about 60 years old. It seems that maturity is the key that settles the heart and allows for a peaceful balance of emotions. Mature women no longer consider beauty:

  • So important that they are consumed with it.
  • So shallow or foolish that they are ashamed by it.

Instead, they enjoy beauty (even their own!), and respect the human nature with all its confusions.

Maturity releases the trap of comparison because life has a way of developing proper perspective on what really matters. No wonder wisdom teaches us to learn from our elders! I wish my grandma were still around to help me with my confidence conflicts.

If you have a confident woman in your life, be sure to invest some time with her. If you have experienced victory in the Beauty Battle, be sure to share your wisdom with the younger women in your life and have grace for them while they work their confidence out.

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com

 

Becoming Confident About Convictions

batman faceWhat a joy it was to help Faith Assembly of God with their celebration of Palm Sunday! I learned so much while painting the adorable faces of children from all over Hyannis. Some of their requests cracked me up. These kids were either adamant about having me create what they struggled to communicate, or they were timid and fearful to ask for what they wanted. I especially loved the little boy who wanted to be a vampire (even after I reminded him that Easter is about good defeating evil) and the older girl who asked her mom for permission to get a heart on her hand and then needed mom’s approval for the color it would be. Precious.

These kids made me think of my life as I have grown in my faith. There was a time that I thought face painting might be wrong and I was like the older girl–fearful of doing anything that might break the rules. I also had convictions–or desires–like the little boy (although mine were more in line with my nickname of “goodie two shoes”) that I would put my foot down and speak my mind about as if I knew it all. Take divorce, for example, I used to make people feel so guilty for their failed marriage. “You can always work it out; have some faith!” Then my (first) husband left me and, after I did all I could to keep him, I learned that I have no jurisdiction over anyone else’s choices and what happens in my live does not have to define me.

Life has a way of tweaking our convictions, doesn’t it? I know we can become more judgmental, bull-headed or timid if we allow our circumstances to build our fear, but I prefer to believe that if we are learn from life and work out our faith, confidence begins to conquer those fears and we become more balanced and peaceful. Kind of like the little boy who decided he didn’t want to be scary after all and had me paint Batman on his face instead.

If you are feeling the pressures of other people’s developing convictions, be careful to guard your heart from taking offence to their immaturity. Think of them like you would a child who is still figuring out what he believes and give them the grace to grow. After all, someone was patient with you in your developing years.

*****

Catrina Welch is an image- and life-coach whose message is not as much “what not to wear” as it is, “Know Who You Are,” which is the title of her book of guidelines for your personal image identity. Catrina has also written a Bible study to help women overcome their confidence conflicts; it is titled Supreme MakeOver: a Rich and Refreshing Devotional Experience. Her other books include Footprints Through the Sand: a Consolidation of Life-altering stories about Loving and Losing our Trisomy-18 Baby and Confident Beauty: Reflecting the One Who Made You with the Images in Your Mirror and Your Soul, which will be available in book stores this spring. All of these books are available now at www.CatrinaWelch.com